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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply," said someone on some cheesy Facebook post.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
Posted in these groups: Communication
Command Post
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 57
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"In God We Trust, All Others We Monitor" Motto Naval Intelligence/Naval Security Group. Used to be paid to do nothing but listen and report on what we listened to. I'm retired from that job now.
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PO1 Steven Kuhn
Communication is a two way street. Some people will go on talking forever. Sometimes you have a point to add or make. I usually jot down notes when I get with an alpha dog who has to keep the conversation to themselves. I write down my notes and try to remember my questions. Communication is a two way street, and if it turns into a one way lecture you are obliged to raise your hand and request permission to speak. Typically, you will be allowed to get out a partial thought before the talker takes the conversation and leads it in the way they want it to go. I believe in manners, I believe in mutual respect, and I also believe that when two people are having a conversation then two people should be allowed to get their points across in a civil manner.
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PO1 William "Chip" Nagel
So True Steve but when you are sitting at a Terminal with Headphones on listening to a receiver. Not a lot of Opportunity to question the Originator. Just discuss with your cohorts in the Spook Shack for their Interpretation.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods - excellent post and I love the point that we do need to stop interrupting people when we should be listening. God gave us two ears and one tongue so we should do twice as much listening and half the speaking.
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I had a soldier that automatically talked back when anyone talked to him. I had to lock him up and explain to him how it went. Soldier you can speak now and when you are done i will speak roger. One effective tool i use and still use till today is ask the soldier repeat to me what I have told him or her. That confirms to me that he or she got the message.
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SFC (Join to see)
ironic that you mention that... I had nearly the same experience just today. I had to actually explain to the PFC what the position of Parade Rest (compared to "at ease") actually meant. You know, the whole modified position of attention...
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SSG Woods that was right on point, I know when I was young and thought I knew everything so when my Sergeants started talking to me in what I thought was the wrong attitude all I was thinking about was trying to answer back without thinking about the overall statement. I disagree with you on having a class on learning how to communicate because it is a common courteous to listen and then respond after having the time to think but some hotheads are never taught that and that is when misunderstanding comes in. There are a lot of things from common sense but my brother tells me sense for some people are not common.
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I agree that if someone is actually listening, the information will be heard and therefore retained to memory for as long as it is needed.
A person can either hear or listen, be noticed or be seen. Which would you prefer to have?
I had the honor of knowing 1st SG Mendez ( RIP) He was "A soldier's TOP" (anyone old school know what I mean) he said very little but when he did he spoke with truth. ( he chew your butt out too then when done nothing more was mentioned)
He would not only hear and listen,, but would repeat back (paraphrasing) what you said so he would understand the MEANING in which you said certain words or the tone which you said them!
A person can either hear or listen, be noticed or be seen. Which would you prefer to have?
I had the honor of knowing 1st SG Mendez ( RIP) He was "A soldier's TOP" (anyone old school know what I mean) he said very little but when he did he spoke with truth. ( he chew your butt out too then when done nothing more was mentioned)
He would not only hear and listen,, but would repeat back (paraphrasing) what you said so he would understand the MEANING in which you said certain words or the tone which you said them!
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I could not have said it better. I started my new career and was so used to having to fix everything I was not hearing what was truly being said. I now listen to people so as to help improve their lives because I now know what their true problems are. Not what I think they are.
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I saw that statement on FB also. I believe it got started due to the grammatical and spelling issues of those who post, who have trouble with understanding. It's also due to our current technological advancements that we use, which have caused us to lose track of our attention span in communicating. People don't read what they write, because they have spell check which often applies an inaccurate work or phrase. But, they are quick to reply to what someone else post, without reading their comment either. I believe that in our near future, communication capabilities will be all lost to technology.
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Now if only people will stand at attention or at parade rest and keep their mouths shut until I'm done... Man I miss the military...
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SFC Mark Merino
SSG V. Michelle Woods. You deserve to wake up to a picture of a pony. This will be waiting for you when you get back from the Africa mission.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Hello pony, you'll be going to Texas or perhaps Montana with me where we will meet a Jesus-loving cowboy and have a ranch...
Happiness lol
Happiness lol
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1LT William Clardy
SSG V. Michelle Woods, I can't say as I've ever met a Jesus-loving cowboy. I have met a few who would call his name when 6 or more inches of air separated their posterior from the beast they had been riding a moment prior...
SPC Theresa Martinelli, I'd vote for Montana -- my son's been quite happy there for a few years. Plus (the glorious ladies of Texas notwithstanding) I've never forgotten Sheridan's comment on his arrival in Texas: "If I owned hell and Texas, I would live in the former and rent out the latter."
SPC Theresa Martinelli, I'd vote for Montana -- my son's been quite happy there for a few years. Plus (the glorious ladies of Texas notwithstanding) I've never forgotten Sheridan's comment on his arrival in Texas: "If I owned hell and Texas, I would live in the former and rent out the latter."
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Another aspect of miscommunication can be as simple as where you grew up. I grew up in Minnesota, and like many Midwesterners, was taught that interrupting was rude. More than a dozen moves and 3 decades later, I have found a correlation between high-population density, type-A personalities (think NYC, DC, San Fran) and tendency to interrupt. While those who grew up in these areas tend to live with it quite well, often joining the "interrupting game" to get a word in edgewise, those who hail from Midwestern suburban and rural environs try to stay polite, never get to speak, and remain frustrated.
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