Posted on Jun 21, 2017
From "Lifer" to Family Man: The Decision
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Back when I started in the Marines, my plan was to be a “lifer”. I had a plan: take one college course each semester I wasn’t deployed, get experience volunteering, and become a Master Gunnery Sergeant (E9) before retirement. I couldn’t even imagine a life after the Corps - that was how deeply I felt about it, but eventually my priorities changed.
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
Transition
Military Career
Marines
Re-enlistment
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 26
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Yeah I understand your story. It took me about 18 years to enlist, as I have a congenital birth defect thanks to my dad's exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. So I enlisted at 36, and turned 37 in Week 5 of BCT. My plan was to stay in for 20. Two deployments, one unaccompanied tour to Korea, and 5 PCS moves in 8 years wore away at my "Hooah." Constant "dog & pony shows" here at Fort Bragg, not working in my MOS, and generally feeling the physical effects of nearing 50 have cemented my decision to get out after just under 11 years.
My daughter used to be proud of being an "Army Brat" but now she complains every Sunday that she hates it when I have to go to work the following day. She also tells me how happy she will be when I am out of the Army. I guess she's entitled, as I missed 3 years of her life, and she is totally a "Daddy's Girl."
I had a career or two before the Army, so I know I have something to fall back on, even if I've fallen behind in both of those career fields. I plan on going into the Reserves to keep my retirement clock going, and some extra money coming in, as well as benefits. I know I'll be OK, but the transition does scare me when I think about it, as the Army is all I have known for the last 10+ years, and not doing the routine each day will be a foreign concept for me. I'll adapt, but until it happens, it still gives me the willies.
Sh*t happens, and you have to re-think things sometimes. Family really should always come first, because you only get one family. The Army has been around for 242 years-- it's not going anywhere. It will go on without me and anyone else. We're all expendable and replaceable. How you come to grips with that is the important thing. The Military will not be at your bedside, sharing your last moments of life when that moment comes. Think on that.
My daughter used to be proud of being an "Army Brat" but now she complains every Sunday that she hates it when I have to go to work the following day. She also tells me how happy she will be when I am out of the Army. I guess she's entitled, as I missed 3 years of her life, and she is totally a "Daddy's Girl."
I had a career or two before the Army, so I know I have something to fall back on, even if I've fallen behind in both of those career fields. I plan on going into the Reserves to keep my retirement clock going, and some extra money coming in, as well as benefits. I know I'll be OK, but the transition does scare me when I think about it, as the Army is all I have known for the last 10+ years, and not doing the routine each day will be a foreign concept for me. I'll adapt, but until it happens, it still gives me the willies.
Sh*t happens, and you have to re-think things sometimes. Family really should always come first, because you only get one family. The Army has been around for 242 years-- it's not going anywhere. It will go on without me and anyone else. We're all expendable and replaceable. How you come to grips with that is the important thing. The Military will not be at your bedside, sharing your last moments of life when that moment comes. Think on that.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Family was not the main thing that changed me, I give most of the credit to the Marines for that one. They definitely made me a man and to do the right thing, even if it was the hardest thing. Sure I miss the Corps and I was nervous leaving. But I know who I am and though it was tough, I knew I was going to get to where I am today and where I want to be tomorrow. Nothing is forever in life, and though a pension would have been nice, it wasn't what was in the cards for me. Thanks for your post and keep and eye out for my three remaining post being sent out to follow this series of life experiences of mine.
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I always thought Staff Sgt was E-6 and GySgt was E-7. Beyond that, I do understand. I retired at the 24 year point mainly for the benefit of my family (not wanting any more lengthy separations).
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Fat fingers get me every tim e! Thanks for keeping me honest and reading!
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Weird...my only goal was to come in, do 20, and punch out. After my first bid, I reupped with less than 30 days till ETS. Reclassed (like a dumbass), and did three more. The Army was giving out a HUGE bonus at that time for six more, and that was decision time for real. That would put me over the hump, and I was always told never to get out once you hit 10. You're too invested in the service, and transition would be hard. The money had me, and I did it with no regrets. I loved my time in, and wouldn't change anything...BUT this one thing: When I enlisted there was a signing bonus for 11B with the Airborne option. Today it wasn't much to a kid, it was the world. I would tell that kid to walk right out of MEPS and not go back until you get what you want. It was a scam then...I didn't know it. It's a scam now...I DO know it.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Ahhhh the good old recruiter scams! They got me too, but I am glad it all worked out for the best in the long run. Thanks for the post!
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