Posted on Jun 21, 2017
From "Lifer" to Family Man: The Decision
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Back when I started in the Marines, my plan was to be a “lifer”. I had a plan: take one college course each semester I wasn’t deployed, get experience volunteering, and become a Master Gunnery Sergeant (E9) before retirement. I couldn’t even imagine a life after the Corps - that was how deeply I felt about it, but eventually my priorities changed.
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
Transition
Military Career
Marines
Re-enlistment
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 26
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Yeah I understand your story. It took me about 18 years to enlist, as I have a congenital birth defect thanks to my dad's exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. So I enlisted at 36, and turned 37 in Week 5 of BCT. My plan was to stay in for 20. Two deployments, one unaccompanied tour to Korea, and 5 PCS moves in 8 years wore away at my "Hooah." Constant "dog & pony shows" here at Fort Bragg, not working in my MOS, and generally feeling the physical effects of nearing 50 have cemented my decision to get out after just under 11 years.
My daughter used to be proud of being an "Army Brat" but now she complains every Sunday that she hates it when I have to go to work the following day. She also tells me how happy she will be when I am out of the Army. I guess she's entitled, as I missed 3 years of her life, and she is totally a "Daddy's Girl."
I had a career or two before the Army, so I know I have something to fall back on, even if I've fallen behind in both of those career fields. I plan on going into the Reserves to keep my retirement clock going, and some extra money coming in, as well as benefits. I know I'll be OK, but the transition does scare me when I think about it, as the Army is all I have known for the last 10+ years, and not doing the routine each day will be a foreign concept for me. I'll adapt, but until it happens, it still gives me the willies.
Sh*t happens, and you have to re-think things sometimes. Family really should always come first, because you only get one family. The Army has been around for 242 years-- it's not going anywhere. It will go on without me and anyone else. We're all expendable and replaceable. How you come to grips with that is the important thing. The Military will not be at your bedside, sharing your last moments of life when that moment comes. Think on that.
My daughter used to be proud of being an "Army Brat" but now she complains every Sunday that she hates it when I have to go to work the following day. She also tells me how happy she will be when I am out of the Army. I guess she's entitled, as I missed 3 years of her life, and she is totally a "Daddy's Girl."
I had a career or two before the Army, so I know I have something to fall back on, even if I've fallen behind in both of those career fields. I plan on going into the Reserves to keep my retirement clock going, and some extra money coming in, as well as benefits. I know I'll be OK, but the transition does scare me when I think about it, as the Army is all I have known for the last 10+ years, and not doing the routine each day will be a foreign concept for me. I'll adapt, but until it happens, it still gives me the willies.
Sh*t happens, and you have to re-think things sometimes. Family really should always come first, because you only get one family. The Army has been around for 242 years-- it's not going anywhere. It will go on without me and anyone else. We're all expendable and replaceable. How you come to grips with that is the important thing. The Military will not be at your bedside, sharing your last moments of life when that moment comes. Think on that.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Family was not the main thing that changed me, I give most of the credit to the Marines for that one. They definitely made me a man and to do the right thing, even if it was the hardest thing. Sure I miss the Corps and I was nervous leaving. But I know who I am and though it was tough, I knew I was going to get to where I am today and where I want to be tomorrow. Nothing is forever in life, and though a pension would have been nice, it wasn't what was in the cards for me. Thanks for your post and keep and eye out for my three remaining post being sent out to follow this series of life experiences of mine.
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I always thought Staff Sgt was E-6 and GySgt was E-7. Beyond that, I do understand. I retired at the 24 year point mainly for the benefit of my family (not wanting any more lengthy separations).
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Fat fingers get me every tim e! Thanks for keeping me honest and reading!
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Weird...my only goal was to come in, do 20, and punch out. After my first bid, I reupped with less than 30 days till ETS. Reclassed (like a dumbass), and did three more. The Army was giving out a HUGE bonus at that time for six more, and that was decision time for real. That would put me over the hump, and I was always told never to get out once you hit 10. You're too invested in the service, and transition would be hard. The money had me, and I did it with no regrets. I loved my time in, and wouldn't change anything...BUT this one thing: When I enlisted there was a signing bonus for 11B with the Airborne option. Today it wasn't much to a kid, it was the world. I would tell that kid to walk right out of MEPS and not go back until you get what you want. It was a scam then...I didn't know it. It's a scam now...I DO know it.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Ahhhh the good old recruiter scams! They got me too, but I am glad it all worked out for the best in the long run. Thanks for the post!
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Sure have and thanks for sharing. You're a wise man in following your heart. When I was an E4 around 4 years in I got as close as 6 months from ETSing and going to be a full time college student. Well there was one thing one big factor. We were expecting. So I made the decision to stay in. Best decision I ever made. 20 years later and a few promotions I retired from the Army, which was another decision for the family. And of course Happy Fam Happy Man!!!
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
I am glad you were able to make it all work. There are definite success stories on both sides of the fence, and always like to hear them. It's good for everyone to know what their options are so they can make sound decisions. Thanks for your input!
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Pretty sure that a Marine SSgt is an E6. Good article though. I'm at the other end: I really regret getting out after 4.
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Great post and I can sort of relate. I loved the Marine Corps and I still do. I didn't think I would be a "lifer", but I wanted to do another tour. So when reenlistment time came, I did my part and put together a package. Unfortunately for me, my MOS was closed out. So they gave me a choice, Lat move or get out.
I was honestly considering it, but it meant having to route another package and cross my fingers that another MOS didn't close out. The kicker is my 2nd daughter was due to be born 2 weeks before my EAS. So I took my walking papers and began planning for a bigger family.
Luckily for me, I made a reputation for myself in my MOS and quickly got hired on as a contractor working with Marines. So it was pretty much a win-win for me. I got to remain in my MOS and still hang out with Marines all day.
I was honestly considering it, but it meant having to route another package and cross my fingers that another MOS didn't close out. The kicker is my 2nd daughter was due to be born 2 weeks before my EAS. So I took my walking papers and began planning for a bigger family.
Luckily for me, I made a reputation for myself in my MOS and quickly got hired on as a contractor working with Marines. So it was pretty much a win-win for me. I got to remain in my MOS and still hang out with Marines all day.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
That is great you were able to still do what you like and be around our beloved Corps! Next to missing the benefits the most, I miss the Marines themselves. It is definitely not the same caliber of persons out here, though there are still good people everywhere. Thanks for the comment.
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This is exactly how a career should progress. Constant inflection points where you make decisions that align with your personal priorities. Some will say that getting out for those kinds of reasons can be selfish. It the reality is that it's smart for you and right for the unit. When individuals priorities change and they force themselves into a situation that doesn't align with those priorities they perform at a lower standard and are less committed. It's simply the natural order of things. This was the right choice for you, your family, and the marine corps. Job well done and thank you for your service.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
I agree, if you do not have your head in the game, then you should get out. You never want to put anything that deals with peoples lives with less then 100% focus. Now I was a MAGTF Planner, and my roll at the point of getting out was passive at best in this situation, but who know's where I was going next. I already did two tours to Iraq, and wasn't feeling like doing another combat tour. Especially since I wanted to start a family with my wife. Now that we have just brought twin girls into this world I know it was the right thing for everyone. Thanks for your post.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen As a kid, I followed the early Space Program with much interest. I joined because of a love of country and I also felt aiding South Vietnam was a just cause. I joined with the intent of making it a career. In Vietnam, I was amazed when I heard that we had landed on the Moon, and thought that the Space Program would make a good career. Back in the states, I felt that the Marine Corps had a serious drug problem, and was not doing enough to fix it. I made the decision to get out after four years, get my college degree, and work for the Space Program. It was a hard decision because I did, and still do love the Marine Corps. After I was discharged, the Marine Corps did clean up the drug problem. Making these big decisions do create anxiety, but you make the best informed decision that you can, and move forward.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
It definitely did and does. It put quite a bit of strain on my wife and I, and it was one of the most stressed periods in my life. Thanks for reading and your post.
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I'm still early in my career, just made E5 which as I understand it is more similar to E4 in the Marines. Just reenlisted for 4 years to go to school for 9 months paid for by the Army and I get to play with helicopters after I'm done with school. Still reenlisting was hard to do. My wife hates how much time I spend away from home and I haven't even deployed yet. There's a good chance I'll deploy in my next position, which will be a medevac unit. With the certifications and training of the course I'm currently in as well as the contacts I have on the outside I could easily get a decent job fairly quickly however the Army life still isn't too bad for my family and I. The health insurance is important right now for personal reasons. I never planned to stay in for more than one contract but things change on a whim it seems and now I'm tossing around trying to stay in for 20 or cut my lost time now and try to move into another career. Still have a few years left to decide before my next reenlistment window opens up, guess we'll see what happens.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Good luck on your decision. Just know you have options! This is the first part of a four part series they will be publishing and I get into the hunt for a career past the military, and other things. I will say, I miss those med and dent benefits with having a family.
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