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As a spouse of a U.S. Army soldier of nearly 9 years, I have learned that US military service members and veterans are a group of incredible men and women. They possess amazing survival skills, physically and mentally. Yet, we continue to see high rates of suicide among our most brave and courageous heroes. Personally, my spouse has lost too many of his close brothers to suicide in the last decade. I know his story is not unique and I find that quite heartbreaking. Our country lost 511 service members and 6,139 veterans to suicide in 2017. So how do we combat these alarming suicide rates?
In order to reduce military and veteran suicide, we must fully understand why they might see suicide as an option. It’s important to understand that there is no one reason, cause, or problem that results in suicide. Ultimately, suicide related thoughts and behavior happen when an individual’s ability to cope gets overwhelmed, just like they might get physically sick when their immune system’s ability to cope with a pathogen gets overwhelmed. There are, however, important ways of understanding the multiple paths to suicide. The key to prevention is traveling back up that path and catching people well before they’ve even started their journey to hopelessness.
What we do know?
Generally, 3 things exist when a person chooses suicide.
1) Perceived burdensomeness – feeling worthless and weak in their community (regardless of whether or not others see them that way)
As a Veteran transitions, they may struggle with trying to gain purpose once again in a civilian world. For those still serving, this feeling may come due to a setback in their career or possibly feeling invisible to their command or unit.
2) Thwarted belongingness – feeling like they don’t belong or have lost connection to their community, regardless of what others think.
A person might start to isolate themselves or may be involuntarily isolated. As a Veteran transitions from service they may be separated from their once tight-knit military community. Current service members may find themselves in this position if they are being cast out of a group for unacceptable behavior or a change in their mental health.
3) Acquired capability for suicide
As evolutionary theory explains, we are not designed to die, but to live. Our bodies are evidence of this as they are designed to protect our most valuable organs with a rib cage for the heart and lungs and a thick skull for the brain. Our natural fear systems display this when we are threatened with death, as we instinctively react to protect ourselves without thought. Therefore, in order for suicide to occur, we must bypass this instinct, or desensitize, the brain to death and pain. For our service members and veterans, this may come with the job. “Boot Camp”, “Basic Training”, or “Recruit Training” is used as an opportunity to desensitize a service member to dangerous, sometimes painful, situations and the possibility of death. This becomes very useful as they must be ready to run towards danger, not away. They may also need to value the mission and/or others’ lives over their own. Furthermore, if they have a history of repeated or intense exposure to dangerous situations such as enemy engagement, this fear of death could decrease as well.
Why does this matter?
For many, this acquired capability takes time. This is usually accomplished through suicide attempts, thrill seeking behavior, and non-lethal self-harm. That means when someone has the desire for suicide, we have time to talk them down if we can pay attention to signs and symptoms. However, for military service members and veterans, this desensitization may exist before a desire for suicide develops in the first place. That means we have to act fast if we find our brothers or sisters in crisis.
What can we do?
Upstream suicide prevention is when we address the potential risk factors before they become a problem. As a member of the military and Veteran community, you can do this with a few simple actions.
1) Addressing perceived burdensomeness – We all need help every now and then. Sometimes that’s hard to admit. However, as a leader, trusted friend, or family member we can teach others that it is okay to need help sometimes and it does not make you a burden. You can do this by leading by example, sharing your struggles with others and asking for help.
2) Addressing thwarted belongingness – Separation and isolation can be huge risk factors for suicide. One very simple way we can address this is by checking in. Simply sending a text or making a phone call to a fellow service member or Veteran to let them know you are thinking about them can make them feel less isolated and show them you are a safe person to talk to if they are in crisis. Engaging in community activities with fellow military service members or Veterans can also be a good way to create a sense of belonging.
3) Addressing acquired capability for suicide – Normalize having conversations around lethal means safety. Talk about how to store firearms safely, what your options might be if you are ever in crisis, and who you might be able to turn to. Just like preparing for a mission, safety planning conversations are best to have long before someone ever reaches crisis.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to the Military and Veteran Crisis Line at [login to see] . Press 1 to reach a Military/Veteran responder.
In order to reduce military and veteran suicide, we must fully understand why they might see suicide as an option. It’s important to understand that there is no one reason, cause, or problem that results in suicide. Ultimately, suicide related thoughts and behavior happen when an individual’s ability to cope gets overwhelmed, just like they might get physically sick when their immune system’s ability to cope with a pathogen gets overwhelmed. There are, however, important ways of understanding the multiple paths to suicide. The key to prevention is traveling back up that path and catching people well before they’ve even started their journey to hopelessness.
What we do know?
Generally, 3 things exist when a person chooses suicide.
1) Perceived burdensomeness – feeling worthless and weak in their community (regardless of whether or not others see them that way)
As a Veteran transitions, they may struggle with trying to gain purpose once again in a civilian world. For those still serving, this feeling may come due to a setback in their career or possibly feeling invisible to their command or unit.
2) Thwarted belongingness – feeling like they don’t belong or have lost connection to their community, regardless of what others think.
A person might start to isolate themselves or may be involuntarily isolated. As a Veteran transitions from service they may be separated from their once tight-knit military community. Current service members may find themselves in this position if they are being cast out of a group for unacceptable behavior or a change in their mental health.
3) Acquired capability for suicide
As evolutionary theory explains, we are not designed to die, but to live. Our bodies are evidence of this as they are designed to protect our most valuable organs with a rib cage for the heart and lungs and a thick skull for the brain. Our natural fear systems display this when we are threatened with death, as we instinctively react to protect ourselves without thought. Therefore, in order for suicide to occur, we must bypass this instinct, or desensitize, the brain to death and pain. For our service members and veterans, this may come with the job. “Boot Camp”, “Basic Training”, or “Recruit Training” is used as an opportunity to desensitize a service member to dangerous, sometimes painful, situations and the possibility of death. This becomes very useful as they must be ready to run towards danger, not away. They may also need to value the mission and/or others’ lives over their own. Furthermore, if they have a history of repeated or intense exposure to dangerous situations such as enemy engagement, this fear of death could decrease as well.
Why does this matter?
For many, this acquired capability takes time. This is usually accomplished through suicide attempts, thrill seeking behavior, and non-lethal self-harm. That means when someone has the desire for suicide, we have time to talk them down if we can pay attention to signs and symptoms. However, for military service members and veterans, this desensitization may exist before a desire for suicide develops in the first place. That means we have to act fast if we find our brothers or sisters in crisis.
What can we do?
Upstream suicide prevention is when we address the potential risk factors before they become a problem. As a member of the military and Veteran community, you can do this with a few simple actions.
1) Addressing perceived burdensomeness – We all need help every now and then. Sometimes that’s hard to admit. However, as a leader, trusted friend, or family member we can teach others that it is okay to need help sometimes and it does not make you a burden. You can do this by leading by example, sharing your struggles with others and asking for help.
2) Addressing thwarted belongingness – Separation and isolation can be huge risk factors for suicide. One very simple way we can address this is by checking in. Simply sending a text or making a phone call to a fellow service member or Veteran to let them know you are thinking about them can make them feel less isolated and show them you are a safe person to talk to if they are in crisis. Engaging in community activities with fellow military service members or Veterans can also be a good way to create a sense of belonging.
3) Addressing acquired capability for suicide – Normalize having conversations around lethal means safety. Talk about how to store firearms safely, what your options might be if you are ever in crisis, and who you might be able to turn to. Just like preparing for a mission, safety planning conversations are best to have long before someone ever reaches crisis.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to the Military and Veteran Crisis Line at [login to see] . Press 1 to reach a Military/Veteran responder.
Suicide
Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)
PTSD
Trauma
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 12
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Codie Garza, to reinforce what SP5 Jim Curry mentions: Consider this if Rally Point cares the least little bit about suicide prevention. We have seen an administrator show blatant disregard for veterans' depression and/or PTSD. That administrator actually implied that if the admin's callous behavior exacerbates a member's problems they should not be on Rally Point. Excuse me! VA sends veterans with PTSD here to help them cope and to prevent possible suicide. So let me leave you with this question. Is Rally point going to get rid of that festering canker sore of an administrator, or take responsibility for possibly causing increased veteran suicide?
https://www.rallypoint.com/status-updates/6040219
SPC Nancy Greene PO3 Phyllis Maynard SGT Gregory Lawritson
https://www.rallypoint.com/status-updates/6040219
SPC Nancy Greene PO3 Phyllis Maynard SGT Gregory Lawritson
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
SGT Robert Pryor thank you for pointing out how we, as veterans are being used to promote this forum for its' commitment to prevention of veteran suicide, when in actuality we are being abused by active duty. And our civilian family members (C.C) are being tossed off because their only standing is "family member". Does Admin have representation for each group veterans, family members, active duty, retired? If I am asked about my experience with RP, I am going to be honest. For two years RP was a healthy experience, but now there is an overwhelming atmosphere of power and control focused negatively again at veterans and family members.
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SGT Robert Pryor
Well put, PO3 Phyllis Maynard, and the important thing for RP is being here to help, but it appears that some in position to help couldn't care less.
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Spouses of those who have PTSD need to get educated about PTSD to facilitate a meeting of the minds instead of watching the marriage going asunder. I can not stress this enough.
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MAJ Ken Landgren
SPC Colin Jenks -
What is your SITREP now. How is your PTSD and your relationship with your wife? Did you get a VA rating and what is it?
It sounds like they did not give your wife an option to educate your wife. I adamantly do not agree with that. The situation is such that the soldier is totally broken and lost, to include experiencing the inability to act like a "normal" person. Often the soldier will say things that would be regretted in the future as they are in a position of intense mental pain and suffering; and sometimes the only value one sees is whether to continue to exist or not. All else can be collateral damage to include the spouse and family.
The spouse is hurt and confused. She does not understand the pain and suffering of the soldier nor does she have an inkling how to fix the soldier. Her heart is often broken by what the soldier says in moments when mental acuity is at its worst. I will make the greatest of assumptions she thinks about what a precarious future awaits them and how much pain and suffering needs to be experienced; or when will the breaking point occur if it does at all. Perhaps her greatest fear is that nothing will change for the better, and natural progression is two people who love each other can not live together as a married couple.
I admit I was a jackass to my wife and said things I should have never uttered to include uttering the word divorce; but she is a very smart and supportive woman. We were fortunate in the sense she told me how I treated her and she tried to empathize with my anguish. I had enough humility so we could sit down and have a meeting of the minds. I described my mental and emotional challenges and she did likewise, and I agreed to stop being self centered and focus on how I treated and incorporated her in my life. We essentially created a rules of engagement to guide our behaviors. We fought PTSD together and life is infinitely better as we can feel happiness now. However, I am sad to understand many couples marriages do not survive the travails. It does not have to be fate.
What is your SITREP now. How is your PTSD and your relationship with your wife? Did you get a VA rating and what is it?
It sounds like they did not give your wife an option to educate your wife. I adamantly do not agree with that. The situation is such that the soldier is totally broken and lost, to include experiencing the inability to act like a "normal" person. Often the soldier will say things that would be regretted in the future as they are in a position of intense mental pain and suffering; and sometimes the only value one sees is whether to continue to exist or not. All else can be collateral damage to include the spouse and family.
The spouse is hurt and confused. She does not understand the pain and suffering of the soldier nor does she have an inkling how to fix the soldier. Her heart is often broken by what the soldier says in moments when mental acuity is at its worst. I will make the greatest of assumptions she thinks about what a precarious future awaits them and how much pain and suffering needs to be experienced; or when will the breaking point occur if it does at all. Perhaps her greatest fear is that nothing will change for the better, and natural progression is two people who love each other can not live together as a married couple.
I admit I was a jackass to my wife and said things I should have never uttered to include uttering the word divorce; but she is a very smart and supportive woman. We were fortunate in the sense she told me how I treated her and she tried to empathize with my anguish. I had enough humility so we could sit down and have a meeting of the minds. I described my mental and emotional challenges and she did likewise, and I agreed to stop being self centered and focus on how I treated and incorporated her in my life. We essentially created a rules of engagement to guide our behaviors. We fought PTSD together and life is infinitely better as we can feel happiness now. However, I am sad to understand many couples marriages do not survive the travails. It does not have to be fate.
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MAJ Ken Landgren
SPC Colin Jenks - What is your SITREP now. How is your PTSD and your relationship with your wife? Did you get a VA rating and what is it?
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SPC Colin Jenks
Sir, we take things one day at a time. Biggest thing I'm learning every day is being open and discussing things. Its hard to keep her in the loop. She knows when I'm super stressed and explode its nothing personal. I don't do it as much now, but there is still days it happens. Stress throughout the day adds up and when I get home one thing can cause me to explode. Then I force myself to walk away and come back later when calm and apologize. She's very understanding about why I don't like to go out much. I will occasionally venture outside my comfort zone for her but not often. Really outside of work I don't go many places. I did get rated at 50& for PTSD. Primarily because I don't sleep well. Its worse now that she works third shift. Every noise in the house has me wondering if someone is in the house (which i know to be false.) I really need to get back to counseling once my schedule frees up again. I'm working 2 jobs currently, alarm technician and EMT, and helping the county test Covid patients. (About 60 hrs a week total), but I do need to get back to counseling.
I just feel bad for my wife as she sometimes wonders why I dont tell her everything. She will hear stories when I'm talking to some buddies who have experienced traumatic events, and she will later ask why I never told her. But talking about brain matter splattered on the roadway, not knowing if it belongs to the patients dog or the driver. Or talking to a elderly patient for a half hour while she's getting cut out of her car. Hearing about her children and grand children. Just to learn she died three hours later. Than extricating the other woman who had a leg amputated by the MVA.
All in all I learn to handle things better by the day. Some days are better, and some worse. Communication with my wife is the biggest thing I need to work on, but talking about personal stuff is not what I'm good at. One thing we take very seriously is our marriage vows. We may get into an argument, but talk things out afterwards.
I just feel bad for my wife as she sometimes wonders why I dont tell her everything. She will hear stories when I'm talking to some buddies who have experienced traumatic events, and she will later ask why I never told her. But talking about brain matter splattered on the roadway, not knowing if it belongs to the patients dog or the driver. Or talking to a elderly patient for a half hour while she's getting cut out of her car. Hearing about her children and grand children. Just to learn she died three hours later. Than extricating the other woman who had a leg amputated by the MVA.
All in all I learn to handle things better by the day. Some days are better, and some worse. Communication with my wife is the biggest thing I need to work on, but talking about personal stuff is not what I'm good at. One thing we take very seriously is our marriage vows. We may get into an argument, but talk things out afterwards.
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MAJ Ken Landgren
Try to go on dates with her if even its just perhaps dinner. Be sweet to her. Tell her that you love her. Tell her she is beautiful. Show appreciation for her. Be affectionate and give her hugs.
I wrote a PTSD Paper that has helped many if you want to read it. I really think you two should read it not for my ego but for yourselves. It is free and I ask nothing in return except for some feedback. The offer is open and the choice is yours.
I wrote a PTSD Paper that has helped many if you want to read it. I really think you two should read it not for my ego but for yourselves. It is free and I ask nothing in return except for some feedback. The offer is open and the choice is yours.
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Sadly they wait until a service member commits suicide before doing anything!
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I believe there are two things we can improve upon. We need to elaborate on asking for help and don't hurt yourself. We must inculcate in the minds of those who suffer from PTSD exactly where to go for help. Give them a rational answer in times of irrational and painful emotions. Find that switch to turn off reasons to die with reasons to live. It gives them a rational approach during irrational and painful times. It also simplifies life and gives them the right direction to take. It takes little investment which gives great dividends.
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WOW great peace, my ptsd had taken me down the rabbit hole I kept asking my self what’s wrong with me, no friends, not caring about my self, blew up in meetings at my job, my temper went from zero to five hundred in a heart beat I kept praying to god asking for help, I was going to church but it just was not working, then one Sunday I went to another church near my home,now I found a place in life I’m a member, on the board of members, into judged for being a Vietnam veteran, i still have a long way to go. My point is if I can do it so can anyone else you just have to keep asking it will come just don’t give up on yourself.
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