Posted on Dec 29, 2014
Young Service Members with Little to No Life Skills
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You get the call from S1: you have a new soldier to go pick up, in-process, and begin your process of giving purpose, direction, and motivation. They have all the shiny new skills given to them from AIT. They have their basic tactical skills given to them by basic training, as well as their field exercises, so they are not a completely blank canvas. You get their ERBs, scan them over, see their birthdays, and you realize they are barely adults, or quite possibly still 17. The next questions you run through with each troop, “Where are your from? Are you married? Do you have a driver’s license? A car? Kids?” You get a short bio. Usually you see one of two things: their parents are still married and there are a bunch of siblings, or, more often these days, you get that the parents are divorced, sometimes re-married, and they only grew up with one of them with a handful of various siblings. What do these things tell you? What is the writing on the wall when you get the background on your troops? You’re basically their foster parent at this point.
A week later you do a barracks inspection and you see their room isn’t clean - dishes piled up, a myriad of empty Cup-o-Noodles cups strewn on their desk, a bunch of clothes purchased at your local mall lay in a pile on the floor. All of their tactical gear is in a clump in the back of their closet. There’s probably a TV way out of their price range along with a video game system fresh out of the box sitting on top of their dresser. A strange smell is emanating from under their bed, and you’ve discovered where the weekend’s pizza boxes were stashed. Easy fix right? Tell them to clean it up and re-inspect in the morning before PT. Most of the leaders in the military have walked in on this very scene. There is more to do here than to tell them to simply clean it up. You should probably teach them how to do that laundry so they can make their clothes last longer. Their diet is atrocious so you need to show them how to follow a meal plan. A meal plan will then lead to a grocery list, so they don’t motor up and down the aisles with one hand out just slap-slap-slapping things off the shelf into their cart. This leads to them setting money aside just for food.
What does a freshly minted troop want more than anything? Typically, they all want a car.. You have to keep them away from the dealerships right outside of the gate…even if you are new to that duty station, you know better. They have this signing bonus money burning a hole in their pockets, and they want some wheels. And they don’t want just any wheels; they want some either attached to 400-horse power engine, or a 12-inch lift. You know they don’t need any of this, but they want it anyways. You tell them they need a 6-8 year old, 4-door sedan (preferably a Toyota or a Honda) and they just look at you like you have a mental disorder. They want something “sexy” that will help them get the second most wanted thing by a freshly minted troop. So, they are either going to take to your reason, or they are going to go get their shiny next year model dream on wheels. Hopefully you go ahead of them and made sure they didn’t lock themselves into a high interest rate.
So after a few months you have taught them to separate, iron, and fold their laundry, to budget for food and fun on the weekends, to set up their TSP, and to buy a car. You were their rock to build a foundation for a future successful life, and the hard place where they had to make some wise but tough decisions. There were probably many more lessons woven into these broad topics, but these are things that you came in knowing. They aren’t from your generation, the last of the “prepared” young adults mostly ready for the world. They could probably re-program your phone, or teach you how to properly work the various aspects of the latest social networking site, but they don’t know their basic life skills. There is more to being a leader these days than just “Shoot, Move, and Communicate”. The only hope those parents around America have is that we have the experience, capability, and willingness to pick up where they left off.
A week later you do a barracks inspection and you see their room isn’t clean - dishes piled up, a myriad of empty Cup-o-Noodles cups strewn on their desk, a bunch of clothes purchased at your local mall lay in a pile on the floor. All of their tactical gear is in a clump in the back of their closet. There’s probably a TV way out of their price range along with a video game system fresh out of the box sitting on top of their dresser. A strange smell is emanating from under their bed, and you’ve discovered where the weekend’s pizza boxes were stashed. Easy fix right? Tell them to clean it up and re-inspect in the morning before PT. Most of the leaders in the military have walked in on this very scene. There is more to do here than to tell them to simply clean it up. You should probably teach them how to do that laundry so they can make their clothes last longer. Their diet is atrocious so you need to show them how to follow a meal plan. A meal plan will then lead to a grocery list, so they don’t motor up and down the aisles with one hand out just slap-slap-slapping things off the shelf into their cart. This leads to them setting money aside just for food.
What does a freshly minted troop want more than anything? Typically, they all want a car.. You have to keep them away from the dealerships right outside of the gate…even if you are new to that duty station, you know better. They have this signing bonus money burning a hole in their pockets, and they want some wheels. And they don’t want just any wheels; they want some either attached to 400-horse power engine, or a 12-inch lift. You know they don’t need any of this, but they want it anyways. You tell them they need a 6-8 year old, 4-door sedan (preferably a Toyota or a Honda) and they just look at you like you have a mental disorder. They want something “sexy” that will help them get the second most wanted thing by a freshly minted troop. So, they are either going to take to your reason, or they are going to go get their shiny next year model dream on wheels. Hopefully you go ahead of them and made sure they didn’t lock themselves into a high interest rate.
So after a few months you have taught them to separate, iron, and fold their laundry, to budget for food and fun on the weekends, to set up their TSP, and to buy a car. You were their rock to build a foundation for a future successful life, and the hard place where they had to make some wise but tough decisions. There were probably many more lessons woven into these broad topics, but these are things that you came in knowing. They aren’t from your generation, the last of the “prepared” young adults mostly ready for the world. They could probably re-program your phone, or teach you how to properly work the various aspects of the latest social networking site, but they don’t know their basic life skills. There is more to being a leader these days than just “Shoot, Move, and Communicate”. The only hope those parents around America have is that we have the experience, capability, and willingness to pick up where they left off.
Personal Development
Personal Finance
Leadership
Command Post
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 24
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In addition to the above, many soldiers who never move out of the barracks learn how to live on their own. I think this is a failure to transitioning successfully by the military. They don't know how to rent, lease, or own a house, how to set up utilities, proper vehicle maintence, car registration, safety inspections, taxes, college loans, etc. While most of these aren't the military's direct responsbility, knowing how to get lodging after transitioning is essential. Many troops transition without a job, thinking they are going to use their GI Bill to pay for housing. Your GI Bill stipend covers very few of your actual living expenses, and does not cover the summer months. It's easier to make all the errors with renting in a civilian environment when you have a steady paycheck, and financial assistance resources. Not knowing this prior to getting out, can result in poor budgeting, not being able to make monthly payments, and low credit scores that hinder renting and getting loans in the future. When soldiers get out of the military they should be able to act as independent self-suffiicent adults, not resort to living with their parents again to make ends meet.
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MSgt (Join to see)
On some bases there is a pretty long list for base housing so the only alternative is off base. So I agree that sounds very feasible to have a comprehensive counseling about resources for young married couples living on or off base.
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SGT (Join to see)
In 2001, in my initial briefing, I heard all the jazz about financial responsibility. I was sent to Ft Hood. I was there about, oh, two weeks, before I realized that a car might be useful. So, I bought one...at at ridiculously inflated interest rate. The program was called MILES. And that little Sunfire, worth about 6K, wound up costing me about 12K.
The briefings warned me, but I didn't listen. The best advice I received came from an NCO after-the-fact:
"If they know you are in the military...bring your own lube, because they won't provide it, and you are about to get..."
Yep. So, it's my policy to be sure that that soldier knows that he or she is no longer in their momma's house. Wolves are kinda cute on the internet, but they will chew on your lips off, in reality.
You're welcome.
The briefings warned me, but I didn't listen. The best advice I received came from an NCO after-the-fact:
"If they know you are in the military...bring your own lube, because they won't provide it, and you are about to get..."
Yep. So, it's my policy to be sure that that soldier knows that he or she is no longer in their momma's house. Wolves are kinda cute on the internet, but they will chew on your lips off, in reality.
You're welcome.
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PFC Misti Grant
If life skills were important in high school (like 30+ years ago), reality might not be such a shock after graduation.
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I joined when I was 18 almost 19 and I felt old compared to my fellow soliders. I'm sure if I joined at 17 when I graduated and I would of been like one of these very soldiers.....but I got hit with reality when I became a mom at 17. I joined because it was what I wanted to do; I didn't join to learn basic life skills, I already got that crash course along with what my parents had instilled in raising my siblings and I as independent, hard working, self reliant members of society. Unfortunately that type of upbringing has become rare.....
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I was a snot nosed kid, but I could wipe my own tush and asked LOTS of questions. Did I run out of money? You bet! Of course, I think we got paid $750 so it was easy. Cartons of cigarettes were $7 and a case of beer was $8.60.......you know, the essentials...lol. When I had a brief stint working at behavioral health, I had a few "kids" who were in way over their heads with being married to a spouse on her 3rd marriage with 4 kids and the new sponsor was 19. I spent 10 minutes trying to get him back on track when all he could concentrate on was the release of Battlefield 2 for PS3. Single child in a one parent family and mom worked 24/7. Of course the Army took him at the height of the surge. We worked on communication problems in his marriage, and budgeting. "Why does most of my pay go towards what her kids need? There is never anything left for me!" It's hard to have "the talk" when they arrive with family in tow. It's hard to be a "dad" when we are at war. Where do we draw he line at mentorship v. child rearing? My stepson was older than some of my Platoon Leaders. I caught one checking out my daughter. No one comes to the military equipped for war. We all work at our levels of expertise to make our leaders shine and our troops to flourish. When basic life skills becomes the focus on some of our troops we have taken a huge step backwards from operational readiness. When they start referring them to mental health because they are so underequipped, it is time to think about separation. Sorry folks. Behavioral health is kicking them right back to you with a note with parenting instructions. It is on you to make the judgement call.
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1LT William Clardy
SFC Mark Merino, as long as your daughter inherited more of your character and sense than your looks, well, a young man in need of a good spouse would be a fool to overlook her, wouldn't he?
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I joined the Army at 17 (in 1986). However, I was well-trained at LIFE SKILLS before I entered the military. I could flush the toilet, wash dishes, take out the trash, clean my room, cook, do laundry, sew my clothes, and make my parents proud. My parents did it right. I didn't need an NCO to rear (i.e. raise) me; I was already reared by my parents as were a majority of my peers at the time.
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I don't know about anyone else but I was raised in a military family dating back five or six generations at the very least. My father is a Marine. There wasn't any coddling in his house. Once he was out, he worked a regular job and so did my stepmom -- we didn't have anyone to follow behind us. We cleaned up after ourselves or we got our butts cut. We made our bunks, hospital corners and tight blankets. We kept our rooms cleaned and we cleaned the house, cut the grass, washed the cars, and took care of the pets. Clothes were folded and put in their proper drawers. Not just mine, but anyone whose laundry was done. I did the dishes every other night, rotating with my brother. Some nights, my brother and I cooked dinner (still did dishes). I did my laundry or I went to school with dirty clothes. I learned how to sew in Boy Scouts so if I screwed up my pants or a shirt, I tried to fix it. I took out the trash, as in threw it in the truck and drove to the dump. I got an allowance and that usually put gas in my tank. If I wanted a date I had to save my paychecks from my after-school job. Sometimes I had to go to the store with a list and mom's money. If I bought anything that wasn't on the list, it came out of my allowance.
I don't know WTF is wrong with kids that don't have even a fraction of that. I can't imagine being raised in the lap of luxury. My own kids have it way better than I ever did, and I still teach (or plan to teach, for my youngest) them to be self-reliant.
I don't know WTF is wrong with kids that don't have even a fraction of that. I can't imagine being raised in the lap of luxury. My own kids have it way better than I ever did, and I still teach (or plan to teach, for my youngest) them to be self-reliant.
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SPC Joseph F Dolloff
I am truly amazed at the lack of skills, the younger generation possess. We too, had chores, and learned what hard work was about, at a young age. Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and Civil Air Patrol, also helped teach leadership, and survival skills needed.
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Most of us didn't know Jack Sh*t when we enlisted at 17-19 yoa. We were looking for something to provide structure and discipline. I found mine in the Corps.
We knew right from wrong.
We were looking to be out on our own, earning our own way.
I can only speak for myself. I was a young 19yoa idiot. I knew that I wanted to become a police officer, but had no idea how to get there. I knew that I didn't want mom and dad breaking their backs to send me off to school. I needed discipline, and now!
I joined the Corps, and was on my way to Boot Camp in 2 weeks. It was the recipe. I took to what I was taught. Learned what they had to teach. Made myself a man, that led to the life and career that I have.
I would not be where I am without seeking out that which I did. Listening to the "old NCOs" that took the time to teach (they were 20-30 years old). Life lessons were learned the hard way.
Now, as a no-fooling, Old Timer SNCO, I try and teach the new guys the type of things that have been mentioned. To not make the mistakes that I made, to set themselves up for success and independence. Why do anything, if not right?
It makes me proud as Hell to see my guys get ahead. I hope that each of them is better off than I am.
We knew right from wrong.
We were looking to be out on our own, earning our own way.
I can only speak for myself. I was a young 19yoa idiot. I knew that I wanted to become a police officer, but had no idea how to get there. I knew that I didn't want mom and dad breaking their backs to send me off to school. I needed discipline, and now!
I joined the Corps, and was on my way to Boot Camp in 2 weeks. It was the recipe. I took to what I was taught. Learned what they had to teach. Made myself a man, that led to the life and career that I have.
I would not be where I am without seeking out that which I did. Listening to the "old NCOs" that took the time to teach (they were 20-30 years old). Life lessons were learned the hard way.
Now, as a no-fooling, Old Timer SNCO, I try and teach the new guys the type of things that have been mentioned. To not make the mistakes that I made, to set themselves up for success and independence. Why do anything, if not right?
It makes me proud as Hell to see my guys get ahead. I hope that each of them is better off than I am.
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MSgt (Join to see)
I think thats all we can hope for, is that our guys are better off then we where. And I can bet you made sure of it CMSgt James Nolan.
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CMSgt James Nolan
MSgt (Join to see) Thank you brother. New troops are like our kids (not meant to be insulting to new troops). You raise 'em and turn 'em loose in the world. How they are trained, and how they take to the training will show as they grow and become NCOs themselves!
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Did any of have life skill when we entered the military? Really? I know I didn't but that is part of the reason I did join.
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SSG(P) Matthew Bisbee
I knew how to cook, clean, make my bed, and do my own laundry. Not every young soldier is missing the basic life skills. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. I had a fellow soldier in my section that was completely lacking money management skills, and relied upon his 16 year old wife to wash his clothes. He is the only person I have ever met that had all four tires blow on his car at the same time without hitting something (they were a nice shiny silver color because he had worn all of the rubber off of them).
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MSG Brad Sand
MSgt (Join to see)
I think I knew right from wrong or I had a foundation, but I was still a snot nosed punk when I joined. A good kid, but a kid none the less.
Matt, so was this because of good parenting or because you were already on your own?
I think I knew right from wrong or I had a foundation, but I was still a snot nosed punk when I joined. A good kid, but a kid none the less.
Matt, so was this because of good parenting or because you were already on your own?
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SGT (Join to see)
Today, I left my children chained to a wall in the basement. It was freezing. Due to the slope, they had to walk uphills, both ways, on ice, to reach their communal bowl of water and bread crumbs.
Not really. We have no basement. I told them to clean up their rooms and disconnected the internet.
On that note, I'm working on my Craigslist advertisement for a super-nanny. Don't judge.
Not really. We have no basement. I told them to clean up their rooms and disconnected the internet.
On that note, I'm working on my Craigslist advertisement for a super-nanny. Don't judge.
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1LT William Clardy
SGT (Join to see), you're just a sentimental old softy if those bread crumbs weren't stale...
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You would always see an E1 with the flashy new car.
And I was always amazed by the number of "pawn your title" places right outside the gate.
And I was always amazed by the number of "pawn your title" places right outside the gate.
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PO2 Steven Erickson
CSM David Heidke Just to show it wasn't just the E1's...
At Naval Nuclear Power School, you could always tell the Academy Officers' cars from the OCS officers' cars. The new "ring-knockers" all had flashy BMWs, Audis, MBs and a few Porches. This is fact. The story was that when they graduated from Annapolis, they all had a bank of back-pay eatin' a hole in their pockets.
At Naval Nuclear Power School, you could always tell the Academy Officers' cars from the OCS officers' cars. The new "ring-knockers" all had flashy BMWs, Audis, MBs and a few Porches. This is fact. The story was that when they graduated from Annapolis, they all had a bank of back-pay eatin' a hole in their pockets.
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SSG (Join to see) Having joined the Navy a little older than many of my peers (I'm 25, a lot of the guys I'm in school with are 19 or 20) I have a keen awareness of this, too. For example, about three months ago I was moved from the junior student barracks into the senior student barracks here at Sub School. The very first thing that I did was do a 4-hour field day on the room.
Now, our room isn't that big, about 14x14 with the head. But it still took me about 4 hours to clean the whole room, which had apparently not been done in some months at that point; my roommate admitted that he and his old roommate had, in fact, been ducking inspections. There was dust an inch thick on the carpet, moldy pieces of sausage that someone had picked off of a pizza underneath the minifridge, and I am *not* going to go into detail about the head. Suffice it to say, by the time I finished cleaning, I sat my roommate down and told him that, under no circumstances would our room get to that state again. Lo and behold, it worked.
Now, our room isn't that big, about 14x14 with the head. But it still took me about 4 hours to clean the whole room, which had apparently not been done in some months at that point; my roommate admitted that he and his old roommate had, in fact, been ducking inspections. There was dust an inch thick on the carpet, moldy pieces of sausage that someone had picked off of a pizza underneath the minifridge, and I am *not* going to go into detail about the head. Suffice it to say, by the time I finished cleaning, I sat my roommate down and told him that, under no circumstances would our room get to that state again. Lo and behold, it worked.
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Suspended Profile
I did all this and more when I was an NCO. My wife used to tell me I was a really dad, and we don't have any kids. I'm proud of that. I had to teach boys to be men, and trained them to be infantrymen.
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