Compromise Reached: Everyone Still Afraid Of COVID Will Be Locked Down, Everyone Else Will Live...

Satire alert! Satire alert!
(actually, this sounds good to me)

In a historic compromise, the world has agreed to come together despite different opinions on lockdowns, vaccinations, masks, and other COVID measures. To bridge the gap between the two broad groups of opinion, those who are still scared of COVID will be locked down in their homes, never to leave again, while everyone else will be free to live their lives as normal.
This is a great solution for everyone," said virologist Dr. Bob Reardon. "The people who are scared of the disease will have very little chance of catching it. They can get food delivered to them and watch Netflix shows. They won't have to be annoyed by seeing people not wearing masks, because the only person they will see will be themselves, and they'll definitely be wearing a mask while alone in the house."

Meanwhile, experts say, people who aren't scared of COVID will just keep living their lives, as many have already been doing for the past year.

"It's the perfect plan," said Reardon.