Only Fools and Legends

I was supposed to brief a French General on an upcoming training evolution, while deployed with the 24th MEU. It took place in a GP tent with a canvas divider in it. The S-2 and I were behind the divider adjusting the terrain model. When we finished, we pulled back the divider; the General was already on deck and seated right up front. He had on a beret the size of a large pizza. It caught me completely off guard. I've never been a fan of berets. I started laughing. It was really inappropriate, so naturally, I couldn't stop laughing. I tried to carry on with the brief, and I could tell the Battalion CO and the MEU CO were pissed, so that made it even funnier. After about 2 minutes, the French General stood up and put his nose about one inch off my nose. ...I stopped laughing.

(Read the following quote in your best Pepe LePeu voice) "This is the Beret of an Officer of French Mountaineers. Do you think its is funny?"

I was horrified; "I'm sorry Sir, I am so sorry, I do not mean to be disrespectful."

He replied; "Mon Dieu! Captain. Have some #$%&$@ balls! Of course it is funny. It is the most ridiculous hat a military man has ever been require to wear." Then he started laughing and he handed me a cigar. (The first and only time I've ever smoked a cigar.) The whole tent busted up laughing, except the Battalion CO and the MEU Commander. Those two, not so much.

Our Wing Commander was set to retire after 30+ years. A good guy, WWII and Korea bomber pilot and then a missile guy. I understand his family was particularly close to Admiral Thomas Moorer, then the Chairman of the JCS. Admiral Moorer was on-hand at Minot AFB to present the retiring Wing CC with his last medal and all that stuff. Someone came up with the idea to have both the Bomb Wing and Missile Wing march pass in review for the Chairman. Ok, not a big deal for a few hundred folks to dress up in our Class As and march past the reviewing stand for the Admiral and his entourage as well as the retiring commander.

We had a couple of days practice and thought we had things down pat. I thought we looked pretty good for a bunch of folks who were more used to flying aircraft, fixing missiles and doing security stuff. The big day came and well all formed up on the flight line by squadrons – all eight abreast looking pretty spiffy.

The day was pretty warm and humid for North Dakota. Not a breath of fresh air. We’re all standing at attention fifty yards or so away from the reviewing stand while “Attention to Orders” are read. Then it happened. Someone ripped one of the biggest beer farts in the history of mankind. It was if someone ripped the top off Mount Vesuvius and let the sulfur spread through Pompeii. I heard everything from “who the f* died,” “I’m gonna be sick” to “did you sh&t your pants” and everything in between being whispered. I kept standing at attention with my eyes closed and holding my breath as long as I could. Thankfully, the marching music started on the speakers and we got to move out. I honestly thought we were going to have some people pass out from the stink. Never did find out who cut the cheese but I understand the Admiral thought we did a pretty good impression of a tight military pass in review!

Once, got caught chuckling at someone's mishap.