What's the right thing to say to someone with cancer?

I'm here for you and take care of yourself. Call me if there's anything I can do.

One has to be careful with what they say. About 30 years ago my wife and I bumped into a childhood friend of mine and his wife at a mall. I pointed to her mid-section and asked when was the baby due? After a very awkward 10 seconds that seemed like 5 minutes she informed me she was not pregnant. OOPS! The question for me at that moment was what do I say next. Nothing, because it's hard to be understood with your foot in your mouth. We exchanged pleasantries for a few more minutes and were on our way. Of course I first gave an apology that was barely received. He divorced her in later years and I never saw her again, but that moment was one of the most awkward in my life and not one I'll ever forget. I learned from it also, and am far more careful with what I say to anyone I haven't seen for awhile.

Grief is an odd beast. There is no one right thing to say. What is right, right now... may be maddening as hell in an hour. It has been my experience that the best thing to do is be present, act the same as you always have, and follow their lead. Ask once per visit "Is there something I can do or help you with..? Don't ask repeatedly.

I love you.