BAH
BAH
Posted on Dec 26, 2019
What advice do you have for someone facing financial difficulties due to a divorce and the inability to break a lease?
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As the topic, my family issue is very complicated right now. The marriage I am currently in is an arranged marriage made by my mom. Due to this arranged marriage, I had to break up with my ex girlfriend and my wife had to break up with her ex boyfriend.
My wife just came over a month ago and i’ve seen signs that she’s unhealthy. So I sat down and talk to her, she said that she’s very depressed right now because she misses her family back in Vietnam so much and she wants to end this miserable marriage. I also feel the same so I agreed to come to a divorce with my wife.
Since we broke up, my ex has been helping my dad to take care of my mom due to her heart conditions and high blood pressure. After I called my mom, she cried a lot and told me that she feels extremely guilty for making all of us miserable. Now that she’s weak, she told me that she might not be able to live much longer, so she wants to atone for her sin. She’ll allow me to get the divorce with my wife, but her last wish is to see my live happily with the person who I truly love, which is my ex girlfriend who’s taking care of my mom until now.
My mom said she wants to feel less burden so that she can feel at ease when it’s time for her to leave. That’s her last wish.
So tomorrow i’ll go to the court to file a divorce with my wife, it will be uncontested.
Now I’m in a pretty deep sh*t hole since the apt we rented is 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apt for my wife’s little sister to come and live with us, and she’ll share the rent. Now she’s not coming anymore. And my wife will move out next month. So now i really dont know what to do.
After getting the divorce decree, I’ll get remarried to my ex gf because I love her and I want to thank her to what she’s done to my family and also to make my mom feels at ease.
But then the apartment lease is what im struggling right now. If I have to break the contract, I’ll be paying 6000$ for breakout fee. Unless I can get some form of order then I’ll be able to move out without paying the penalty. Or I can keep living here and paying 1000$ extra for the next 10 months since it’ll be only me paying for the rent. Either way going to put me in a lot of debt.
I dont want to talk to my chain of command because they might think that I’m lying and apply UCMJ actions on me. But my situation is real, and I am really stressed out right now. I talked to a Chaplain and he also told me to tell my chain of command. Will there be any help if I tell them? Because for my situation, I’m not sure if they’ll be able to help or to worsen the situation for me by punishing me. Please give me some advice.
My wife just came over a month ago and i’ve seen signs that she’s unhealthy. So I sat down and talk to her, she said that she’s very depressed right now because she misses her family back in Vietnam so much and she wants to end this miserable marriage. I also feel the same so I agreed to come to a divorce with my wife.
Since we broke up, my ex has been helping my dad to take care of my mom due to her heart conditions and high blood pressure. After I called my mom, she cried a lot and told me that she feels extremely guilty for making all of us miserable. Now that she’s weak, she told me that she might not be able to live much longer, so she wants to atone for her sin. She’ll allow me to get the divorce with my wife, but her last wish is to see my live happily with the person who I truly love, which is my ex girlfriend who’s taking care of my mom until now.
My mom said she wants to feel less burden so that she can feel at ease when it’s time for her to leave. That’s her last wish.
So tomorrow i’ll go to the court to file a divorce with my wife, it will be uncontested.
Now I’m in a pretty deep sh*t hole since the apt we rented is 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apt for my wife’s little sister to come and live with us, and she’ll share the rent. Now she’s not coming anymore. And my wife will move out next month. So now i really dont know what to do.
After getting the divorce decree, I’ll get remarried to my ex gf because I love her and I want to thank her to what she’s done to my family and also to make my mom feels at ease.
But then the apartment lease is what im struggling right now. If I have to break the contract, I’ll be paying 6000$ for breakout fee. Unless I can get some form of order then I’ll be able to move out without paying the penalty. Or I can keep living here and paying 1000$ extra for the next 10 months since it’ll be only me paying for the rent. Either way going to put me in a lot of debt.
I dont want to talk to my chain of command because they might think that I’m lying and apply UCMJ actions on me. But my situation is real, and I am really stressed out right now. I talked to a Chaplain and he also told me to tell my chain of command. Will there be any help if I tell them? Because for my situation, I’m not sure if they’ll be able to help or to worsen the situation for me by punishing me. Please give me some advice.
Divorce
BAH
Finance
Marriage
Barracks
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 15
SPC (Join to see) , it would HIGHLY behoove you to inform your CoC about this. This is a can of worms you don't need blowing up on your face and then your CoC finding out after the fact when they could help you BEFORE it blows up.
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MSG (Join to see)
PFC Jeffrey Herrington - NG and USAR only get Article 15s when on Title 10 orders. And depending on the severity.....and the Command Team....this could or could not kill a part time career. It sure won't help if nothing is brought to the CoC. As part of a Command Team, I would certainly raise my eyebrows if someone came to be married, divorced and remarried within a matter of days. But, without actual evidence of adultery, not really much I could do. The Commander...initiating an investigation if they so chose to...well, that's a whole different story.
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First off, tell your chain of command. Stop with this "they won't believe me" bullshit and tell them your issues before your issues end up on the front door of the Division Commander. Then it's really an issue. You're not that special that anyone is specifically looking to screw you over.
Second, you're not the first lower enlisted to get a divorce. Again - your not that special. There is an exception to policy to continue your BAH through your lease that the Garrison commander can authorize. Usually the housing office has the example packet.
Third, you can get divorced from your arranged marriage and remarried to your ex gf and re-enrolled in DEERS as well as applied for BAH all at the same time. Unless of course, you live in a place like NC that requires a minimum separation period. That means you can realistically have no break in your BAH coverage. While I usually advocate waiting to get married, it sounds like you are certain of the person you want to marry.
Fourth, tell your damn chain of command what is going on before you become a goddam statistic. Seriously. They really do want to help you. Even when it's just for their own self preservation, it is in the best interest for both of you to let them know what is happening. They can help you navigate issues you don't even know will be a problem yet. By letting them know, you will keep them out of the LTC's office when you eventually, inevitably, screw up. It's a win-win situation. They tell you how not to screw up - you don't screw up. Everybody wins, everybody is happy. Seriously, you're chain of command wants you to be successful. Even if they are giant A-Holes, it works out for them when you don't become a huge problem.
Good luck with your new marriage
Second, you're not the first lower enlisted to get a divorce. Again - your not that special. There is an exception to policy to continue your BAH through your lease that the Garrison commander can authorize. Usually the housing office has the example packet.
Third, you can get divorced from your arranged marriage and remarried to your ex gf and re-enrolled in DEERS as well as applied for BAH all at the same time. Unless of course, you live in a place like NC that requires a minimum separation period. That means you can realistically have no break in your BAH coverage. While I usually advocate waiting to get married, it sounds like you are certain of the person you want to marry.
Fourth, tell your damn chain of command what is going on before you become a goddam statistic. Seriously. They really do want to help you. Even when it's just for their own self preservation, it is in the best interest for both of you to let them know what is happening. They can help you navigate issues you don't even know will be a problem yet. By letting them know, you will keep them out of the LTC's office when you eventually, inevitably, screw up. It's a win-win situation. They tell you how not to screw up - you don't screw up. Everybody wins, everybody is happy. Seriously, you're chain of command wants you to be successful. Even if they are giant A-Holes, it works out for them when you don't become a huge problem.
Good luck with your new marriage
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This is definitely a chain of command issue. They cannot help you if they do not know about the issue. How would you get in trouble? You must be leaving something out if you feel that is the case. Go to your chain of command, you may be surprised at what they can do for you, or at least point you in the right direction. You cannot shut them out of this. Good luck to you.
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MSG (Join to see)
SPC (Join to see) - You cannot believe everything you read. Go to your chain of command, this type of thing is what they get paid to do. Help Soldiers!!!!!!! You have a very unique issue that cannot be solved in this forum. You can receive all the advice you want from anyone here, but your actual chain of command are the only ones that can really help you. Every situation is unique, that is why you cannot take everything you read at face value. You do not know all of the circumstances surrounding the issues of these other Soldiers to whom your refer, just as nobody here knows all of your unique issues. Go to your chain of command with your issue PFC.
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LTC (Join to see)
SPC (Join to see)
If your concern is UCMJ, i wouldn't worry about that. I think the story that a man who got into an arranged marriage who's wife is leaving him because she's miserable now has his dying mother's blessing to marry his past love holds up well.
The only thing that can prove adultery is a statement that you had sex with another woman while married.
DO NOT MAKE THAT STATEMENT.
If your concern is UCMJ, i wouldn't worry about that. I think the story that a man who got into an arranged marriage who's wife is leaving him because she's miserable now has his dying mother's blessing to marry his past love holds up well.
The only thing that can prove adultery is a statement that you had sex with another woman while married.
DO NOT MAKE THAT STATEMENT.
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MAJ Javier Rivera
SPC (Join to see) , in order for a Service member to get an Article 15 for adultera, the CoC ought to have sustantiating evidence of the matter. Also, if you remarry after your divorce is official (decree in hand) then there is nothing to look for. You are a free man.
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