Ed was my Best friend since we met at a little bus stop at a crossroads of two old roads in what was changing from a small farming community to a full blown suburb. It was 1963, and we were both 12. He died just two months before his seventieth Birthday. In all that time we never had a single fight. Not one. No harsh words at all. He made me laugh, think, and understand so many things. I never met anyone who knew themselves so well. He never deceived himself about well. himself. He knew who he was. What was his fault, and what was a curve ball from Life. His word was his bond. Kathy and I were chatting about one of the things he used to say ...and since a lot of Rally Point Folks are my age...I thought I would share Ed's thoughts. Here we go:
"You know, Kevin, the changes in your body and mind from 65 to 75 are every bit as profound as that decade from Birth to ten years of age."
"What? I mean why do you think that?"
He smiled. He had the shyest smile I ever saw. Only his sister could match it.
"Well at the beginning of Life, you can't move, talk, think, and you can barely see. You are completely dependent on everyone you know. But...over the next ten years, you will learn to move on your own, talk, think, run, and eventually become independent. You will grow in every way. In just ten years you go from weighing less than a bag of sugar, to being able to lift your body weight with ease. It is a remarkable transformation from a baby to a ten year old. You don't even look the same."
I laughed.
"So what does that have to do with being Seventy?"
Again, the smile. I miss that smile.
"Well, when you hit sixty five, and move into your seventies, it becomes that first decade in reverse. You start to have difficulty moving around, thinking, and talking. It gets harder for you to hear or remember. You start to become more and more dependent on the people around you. You stop running, dancing, and playing just for fun. When you were a baby, it was you and your Mom. When you are old, it is you and your wife (or your kids) who watch over you to make sure you don't hurt yourself, fall, or forget to eat. You get smaller and weaker, instead of taller and stronger. And your hair leaves too. "
I laughed.
"So just like you didn't notice when you were little, exactly when you learned to talk, run, jump, swim, and read. When you made your first friends... and looked towards a future that was wide open. When you are old, you don't really remember when you stopped playing sports, swimming, or dancing...you just don't do them anymore, or at least for as long. You don't really notice you aren't as strong, your glasses get stronger, your hearing aides more powerful, and one day you look up, and all your friends are gone. if you live long enough, you will end up exactly like when you were born: In bed, alone, unable to move, talk, eat. If you are lucky, folks you love will be there, just like when you were born. It is the same decade as your first decade, but in reverse."
We had that conversation when we were both healthy and young (in our forties) but I ever forgot it.
Kathy and I chatted about it yesterday because it is happening to so many of our friends...and me. My 65 year old self looks like Superman, compared to me now. And I was a heck of a lot more ambitious back then. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life. It is slower with less activity, but no less satisfying. I can still do my walks, read a good book, and enjoy watching my kids and grandkids follow their life paths. And I have my Kathy.
I wish I had Ed too.
So I could tell him how right he was.