Anyone else have problems making new friends after leaving the military?

Ridiculous statements. Most all brains work the same. Training, conditioning, and job requirements are different. After your service you are a civilian, does your brain turn into a "civilian" brain. Interests are interests, if yours are only about the old job, then stick to vets. If you have any interests outside of military like: music, food, travel, books, cars, hunting, shooting, sex, art, photography, surfing, dogs, animal husbandry, scuba diving, sailing, rock climbing, there are millions of topics to talk about and make friends over. Find some.

5 plus years out now and still concur will my orgional statement ....civilian brains don't work the same as military ones.....and i dont associate with the military anymore...no need commisarry, bx, etc are all overpriced and a rip off (but that's another topic)....medical can be used anywhere.....you're not understanding my comment which is fine but it's this simple....I can tell a fellow retiree after only a few words ....our brains work different....not better or worse....just different....anyway good luck in life ....would recommend finding something other than trying to tell others how their opinions are wrong....but what do i know....God Bless and Keep you

I was talking about this the other night with one of my friends. One problem we both related to is that we've developed an often unrealistic expectation of character and thus it's hard to trust, really trust, new people. So inevitably we have put up walls to guard us from these people.

SCPO David Lockwood
That is a great method to meet friends. It allows one time to get comfortable around each other and when they do discover you are prior military then they become curious more than anything else. This allows us the opportunity to educate the 99% who have never served and have opinions that may be easily misguided, and yet keep the friendships. Good post!

The biggest problem my husband and I have found is our sense of humor. It's like police officers, they talk about horrific crimes and laugh. I know it's a defensive mechanism, I use it too. If I had to think about it, when we tell stories a lot of ours are overseas. Most in our area have never even left the state!

Understood.....that has the potential to scare people....because they are not sure how to take it....unless your talking to a police officer....right.....I have found it comes down to soft conversations....primarily about the other person.....as vets we all have our stories that do not allow us to create rapport because the individual listening to us has no sense of reference....which makes them feel uneasy.....rapport as it is, is a common ground type of thing......the key is to ask more questions about the person we desire to befriend......maybe its guns or hunting or hiking or sports.....I have found that building the rapport on common ground from a soft conversation perspective has worked for me.....does this resonate with you or am I not understanding. My wife has never been in service....she likes to hear about my experiences, but like friends I speak with....she has no frame of reference....she thinks its cool.....conversations concerning it.....only go as far as telling a story....then the conversation has to move to something her and others can relate to.....I then become the island of awkwardness, if I try to continue with the course of my story.......You will still need to get your vet "Fix" regardless....I have found that meetup.com is good.....if you can't find a group that aligns with your interest....start your own group and get others to join your group.....I have found this to work...I hope this helps....Kind Regards

It looks as if I should work on my communication skills. I have a bad tendency to roll my eyes, when civilians get to talking about how hard things are or how rude their boss is for asking them to do a task not in their job discription, that's when the involuntary eye roll comes out. I am starting to find people by getting out more but it's fun when you don't like crowds :) I feel I am a grumpy old vet, but I am way to young to be. I just don't understand how it's so different and difficult it is to make friends after the military.

LOL....No....I get it, and I completely agree.....in many cases, civilians get this.....the sky is falling....everyone monkey dance mentality....when we want to tell them to "buck up little trooper" and execute, drive on....it's a good day....your not getting shot at today...we as military service - vets have dedicated our time, energy and in many cases given our lives so the "lambs" can graze in the field....when we are out there securing freedom....and to some degree those that are civilian do not really recognize, cannot recognize nor understand our Execute mentality and the sacrifice that has been given, so they can live there lives without the enemy visiting their house. I think sometimes.....although I appreciate the fact that I get the "I appreciate your service" statement.....they have no way of knowing what it took for us to get to where we're at, then add in the brothers and sisters who have been captured and tortured or have seen unspeakable things and it becomes too much for a civilian to understand.....their only concern is whether you're going postal today.
Zig Ziglar said, "If you give people what they want, you will get what you want" When exiting the service....my wife and I wanted friends and we had to ask....what do we need to do to get them, so now, I have found it is about a positive mental attitude and the continued "selfless service" that we all learn in the service.....the question for me everyday is who can I help and how can I help....can I help? Exhibiting kindness when it is not required of me.....Don't get me wrong, I have some of the same tendencies when a civilian starts into a dramatic rant about something that would have been normal in military service....as if they were abused by their boss or other human beings....I think it comes down to a shift of focus...is it about me or about them.....everyone has to make that choice and understand me....I'm not saying you're not doing those things. I think this is one of those areas where we have to modify our thought process to achieve the goal. In my mind we have to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Developing relationships based on kindness, understanding, selfless service, compassion, love and caring - regardless of the idiocy and crazy antics of the other person. Because honestly, isn't that what friendship is....This is what I had to do to gain friendships. Truth be told.....I thought it was more about me, but I had to change my focus.......Treat it like an interview process, without the other person knowing they are being interviewed......After all there are those out there that make better enemies or may lack the social graces that may not align with your beliefs, and interests.....There will still be the occasional civilian that you can have a great time messing with their head....when they start their monkey dance. That's what I do.....:) Kind Regards