Can you describe how you felt coming home from a deployment or combat?

Coming home during the Vietnam era was disgraceful. I never put on the uniform again. I went to the VA to address a dental problem that was incurred during military service, and it was a BAD experience. The Battle Creek Michigan VA was dirty, and the patients in the hall were dirty and unkept; sitting unattended in soiled hospital gowns. I did not return to the VA for another 40 yrs. I returned to the VA during the Trump Administration and found the services greatly improved.

At first I felt elated to be coming home, but what I thought would be a wonderful experience did not turn out that way. What I thought it was supposed to be was like what our WWII vets must've experienced when they came home... jubilation, warm hugs and kisses, and a sense of accomplishment. Instead, I felt none of that. We, as a nation, found out our invasion of Iraq was based on false information, I witnessed many flag-draped coffins being loaded on C130s, and I wondered if it was all necessary. After three days of traveling from Iraq to Qatar, Norfolk, VA, and finally to Omaha, NE, I arrived at the airport around midnight, the airport was empty, and my wife, at the time, wasn't even there to meet me. I felt exhausted, worn-out, and abandoned. I had to take a taxi from the airport to my base, and I couldn't feel any more alone. All that made me question if anything I did in life was really worth it. To this day, I still have challenges feeling like nothing mattered and I'm not worth anything.

I felt great. In Iraq, I was basically confined to a base. Limited freedom of movement. When I arrived back secure my car, I just rode around for hours just enjoying the freedom of moving around place to place.

I was nervous but relieved. My baby just turned 2 so I missed alot of his “firsts” and had to learn alot about him that I had missed for the last year in Iraq. It was a but overwhelming at first.

As a mobilized Navy Reserve Nurse I felt very excited to be back in my own house, with my cat, and to unpack all of my things. Getting settled at home was busy, overwhelming, and also enlightening. As I got my furniture arranged and unpacked numerous boxes, I realized how little I actually needed, and that much of what I had was really a burden to me. I delighted in being able to cook in my own kitchen, and dig in the garden again.
Returning to my civilian job was a happy experience, and also awkward. I felt like i was a stranger among my coworkers. They were glad to see me, and I was happy to be back; but they would never truly know the “me” that had been gone, that had grown and changed in profound & permanent ways. They acted as if I had been on a long vacation or sabbatical and at times I perceived some resentment, or maybe envy that I could return to my same position.
I felt understood and deeply valued by two of my adult sons who serve in the US Army, they understood the things I had no words for, even though our experiences were quite different. My mother and father also served in the Air Force during WWII, Korea, Vietnam and the Cold War; and their support was evident.
I’m single, so my old cat was my companion and housemate. He loved me unconditionally and his presence, affection, and acceptance was the best welcome home of all.

During my deployment I got more nervous to come home. I didn't know why, I just felt really nervous. I was happy to see my family, husband and children, but I just had this feeling I couldn't understand. After getting home, I think I figured it out. I was nervous on how my family would respond to me getting home. They spent a whole year living on without me there. I felt like I was not welcome in my own home. I didn't know how anyone would react if they knew how I really felt. I thought there was this stero type to Soldiers who have anxiety and PTSD. I thought no one would understand what I was dealing with, unless they were deployed with me. I would get angry at myself for not being "normal" anymore. I got angry quick at family, I lost most my friends. I was on edge. One of the first things I noticed was the bus ride from the airport to base. On the highway I was super nervous for some reason. I looked around and it seemed like I was the only one who was freaking out. It took time and at times I'm still struggling. But it has improved. My family still doesn't know how I was/am affected.

I won't pretend to have gone through what combat soldiers out in the bush experienced, but we all had our experience of being shot at or shelled. Coming home was my experience that no one gave a damn. People reacted like we were gone to some seaside resort. No one was interested in including you in any social gathering (family, friends and relatives). First time I heard "Thank you for your service" was at a MN Capital gathering for Vietnam Veterans. Any time I hear that toward me, my attitude is your 45-50 years too late and it is meaningless to me personally. I do appreciate people today saying that to currently serving soldiers. I served proudly and did not abuse any Vietnamese as I could imagine what they were experiencing with a war. Those who do not service in the Military have NO idea what it is like and like coming home.

I was stuck in the past tense after I came back from Nam, replaying in my mind every incident and near miss and painful memories. But when I came back the civilians were living their own lives with virtually no interest in what I had gone through or what I was going through being back in the US. If someone did ask what I went through, they wanted nothing more than a short response and then went on to talking about themselves, which was almost more painful than not being asked.

Let's see, my first deployment I returned home to discover my former roommate was a hoarder. Ever see the show hoarders? I always wondered how long it took to trash a place. A skilled hoarder can do it in 9 months. On top of that, my neighbor was selling drugs in my driveway so I volunteered for the next deployment. I ended up meeting someone before I deployed a second time but things didn't work out. I think after my 2nd deployment and having a place just to myself, I could finally breath... and it hit me, I was detached. I wanted nothing to do with anyone and barely left the apartment. It took me a week to finally walk 2 blocks to the store. I started talking with mental health and got back to my old job.

I feel that I was a changed man being overseas really makes you appreciate the little things in life because those people over there are not as fortunate as people in America so when I got back home it made me a better man a better day and overall better person it made me appreciate just small things and I’m happy for it