Can you describe how you felt coming home from a deployment or combat?

I fight demons. I'm working on getting a psychiatrist through the VA. My main focus, is getting my husband back on track first. I keep fighting through my demons from the service.

I was not in long enough to go on deployment. But I do remember the feeling of going home that first Christmas and seeing my family. I do however vividly remember deployments from the other side of the table. My Dad was in the Navy for 23 years. I can remember as a teenager waiting for him to go on deployment and get him out of the house. Until the day came for him to leave and crying so hard when he got on the plane to meet the Sara CV-60 in Spain. That year they were sent to Libya. I still have in a frame the response I got to a letter I sent to the Department of the Navy asking them to take care of my Daddy. I remember standing for hours at NAS Mayport on the docks waiting for the first sighting of the ship coming home. All of the sailors lined up in dress whites along the railing and trying my hardest to figure out which one was my Dad. The camaraderie with other families there, some you had never met or would see again, was indescribable. Finally seeing my Dad walking towards us with his seabag in hand and knowing he was truly home safe and sound is one of the greatest feelings in the world. My Dad went on his final deployment April 10, 2019 and the send off he received at the Lake City Florida VA hospice unit was enough to bring anyone to their knees. And I know that when he got that homecoming in Heaven he was greeted just as happily by his fellow veterans, not to mention our family, as when we met him coming home from all those deployments.

My first deployment, I was 19. I still remember leaving the pier on an 18,000 ton submarine. It was 5 hours to transit out and the seas were rough. There were about 8 of us nubs going out to sea for the first time. We had a lobster dinner the night before we left and the boat was rocking and rolling, imagine a round hull back and forth. Well the first nub lost his dinner, then the second, and the old timers were making fun of all the green faced kids. I was bound and determined not to lose it and kept trying to keep it in check each one running to the nearest head, some didn't make it. Me, I chose to just hold it back and any little thing that did come up I just swallowed back down. That was the transit out. Then it was rig for dive, and eventually start the underway watch rotation. We were 12 on 12 off 7 days a week, in the 12 off time, you had your Preventative Maintenance, and had to do all your duty and ship qualification work and of course random drills, fire drills, battle station, reactor etc. In reality it was more like 20 on and 4 off. After 79 days of that, it was time to go home.
The most memorable thing about going home was the transit back into port. I remember, I was allowed up into the sail. It was amazing! absolutely amazing! the smell of real fresh air for the first time, the light rain and mist was cold but wonderful, the gray clouds, the quiet sound of the waves, so much different that the whine of generators and the clacking of machines, almost quite but beautiful. The dolphins (or porpoise) jumping over the bow of the boat leading us home, it was fantastic. Almost 40 years later I still remember how amazing how much I appreciated the world at that single point int time. Whenever I need focus on important things in life I remember the feeling of breathing fresh air and seeing the sun after such a long time, it makes the stress in life melt away.

Simply very glad to be home.

Robert DeNiro captured the feeling I had upon returning home when he starred in the movie "The Dear Hunter." He did not want to join in any type of welcome home gatherings and avoided large crowds just like I did upon my return from Vietnam. Worse yet, was when I had decided to go to college and was attending an "orientation session." The greeter was a long-haired skinny hippie-type of guy that was hugging people as they showed up. Mostly girls but I remember saying to myself that if he tried to hug me I was going to punch him in the mouth.

I completed 10 deployments during my 22 years of service with the Marines and although each experience was unique, one theme emerged from each of them. How immensely proud (and truly grateful) I am to be an American and how relieved I was to get everyone I was in charge of back home. I only failed in this endeavor a single time but it motivated me to do everything humanly possible to get each and every Marine and Sailor in my charge back to their families. Although I live constantly with that lost life I can’t help but think his sacrifice saved dozens or maybe even hundreds of lives in the 16 years since his passing. Semper Fi

I had several deployments. Coming home from the last one was the hardest for me. While I was physically home, mentally...I didn't return home for about 6 months. It was really hard to adjust to being in traffic or crowds again. Every piece of debris in the road was a potential threat. Loud noises made me take cover. It was...different. Of course, what I experienced during my deployments are different from what other experience. And we all react differently. I've been home from my last rotation for nearly 16 years, but I'm still dealing with issues. If this sounds familiar, it's okay to seek help.

Boy, what a question. I was anxious and nervous. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. Everything that I knew and counted on when I was deployed was gone. The schedule was gone, my battle buddies were gone, I couldn’t understand why people were so lax about their security and then my family going off about stupid stuff like an unmowed yard. I wasn’t 100% convinced that I had a TBI or PTSD but I knew something was wrong with me. All that I wanted was to go back to Afghanistan because that’s where I felt right in my head.

I served a remote tour on an Island in the Bering Sea. The pristine environment, silence, and breath taking view of the heavens will for ever serve as the well spring for reflections that I would share with my wife, children, family, and friends. But all I could do at first was to hold firmly to the finger of my new born son.

Apprehension about finding a job to support my wife and family.