Posted on Jun 5, 2014
For those that have had a painful deployment how did it shape you?
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My deployment caused me to pull on my faith and led me to transition from Warrant Officer to Chaplain. What post traumatic growth did you have from this life changing event?
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Deployment
Deployment
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To be quite honest, I'm still learning since my event is recent. My traumatic event happened on Feb 28, 2014. A 600lbs VBIED hit the vic behind me, which killed LCpl Erickson. I'm still deployed and everytime I see a blown up MRAP sitting in the MT lot, it gives me flashback to that day. Along with that, I have dreams about it every couple weeks or so. It is something that is not on my mind as much as it was, but still lingers in my head and I just want it gone. There is a part of me that is afraid that it will get worse when we redeploy back to the states. I've heard of many people that have not noticed PTSD symptoms until later after they've returned to the states. Any advice on how to deal with this?
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SSG (Join to see)
You are not alone in this. There are many who stand with and understand your pain. PTSD can be difficult for anyone, however being patient, doing your research, and learning about what one can do to help can makes all the difference. It may seem like you will never find your way out and that there is just a dark hole above you, but there is a way out, it is a fight and always will be. I’m sorry that this is happening to you now, but fight thru it and know that there are those who will stand beside you.
The one important step is always the hardest step. Not sure if you realized this but you just did that, by asking “how can I deal with this”. It takes personal strength and courage on your part, it’s always the most difficult. We are taught to hide pain, push thru it, “soldier on”, “suck it up and drive on” and so forth. In dealing with PTSD, you can’t do that. Too often toxic leaders, enlisted and officer, perpetuate the stigma of one seeking help is a sign of weakness, however the opposite is true, it shows true strength.
I, for one, thought it couldn't happen to me, I researched it, studied it, looked for signs in everyone else because as a leader, I was charged to look out for my Soldiers, their health & welfare, their families & loved ones and bring them home safe. The hard reality & truth is that I was the last one to look at myself. I started to recognize the symptoms and learned quickly to mask them from everyone, but you can’t hide the truth from yourself. It will come to a tipping point, I will reflect on the lyrics from Creeds song ‘One last breath’: "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet aint so far down."
That edge doesn’t seem as scary now, but know this, we are here for you. I think we got someone very good people here and there are resources you can tap into when you get back. But while you are there, see your Chaplain, there should be an OSCAR team nearby as well. Keep in touch Brother.
The one important step is always the hardest step. Not sure if you realized this but you just did that, by asking “how can I deal with this”. It takes personal strength and courage on your part, it’s always the most difficult. We are taught to hide pain, push thru it, “soldier on”, “suck it up and drive on” and so forth. In dealing with PTSD, you can’t do that. Too often toxic leaders, enlisted and officer, perpetuate the stigma of one seeking help is a sign of weakness, however the opposite is true, it shows true strength.
I, for one, thought it couldn't happen to me, I researched it, studied it, looked for signs in everyone else because as a leader, I was charged to look out for my Soldiers, their health & welfare, their families & loved ones and bring them home safe. The hard reality & truth is that I was the last one to look at myself. I started to recognize the symptoms and learned quickly to mask them from everyone, but you can’t hide the truth from yourself. It will come to a tipping point, I will reflect on the lyrics from Creeds song ‘One last breath’: "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet aint so far down."
That edge doesn’t seem as scary now, but know this, we are here for you. I think we got someone very good people here and there are resources you can tap into when you get back. But while you are there, see your Chaplain, there should be an OSCAR team nearby as well. Keep in touch Brother.
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CH (CPT) Heather Davis
CPL Bissett:
In box me, but I will share with you that you are not alone, and what you are experiencing is traumatic stressors, and I highly recommend that you go to the VA. PTSD is a complex issue, and it not only impacts your personality, you may develop dissociation and emotional cut-off. You do not want to gravitate to drinking to control your PTSD.
In box me, but I will share with you that you are not alone, and what you are experiencing is traumatic stressors, and I highly recommend that you go to the VA. PTSD is a complex issue, and it not only impacts your personality, you may develop dissociation and emotional cut-off. You do not want to gravitate to drinking to control your PTSD.
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My deployment almost permanently soured me on the Army Reserve and caused me to sincerely regret transitioning away from the active duty Army after twelve and a half years of active component service. I have 16 years AFS now, and 25 good years for a Reserve retirement, but cannot retire until my service obligation runs out in May of next year.
It still hurts emotionally because I feel guilty for even talking about it. I was in no danger, and some of my brothers and sisters in arms really suffered on deployments. Plenty had it far far worse than I did.
How it shaped me? It sharply reduced my trust in those in charge to do the right thing. I've seen stuff go on, both on deployment and in garrison, that would never fly in the active component.
It isn't lost on me that I'd probably be a retired MSG or SGM by now if I'd stayed active, and I'd be 5 years into a civilian career.
If I do not make the CW3 board this coming April, I will be retiring from the Reserve the following August. If I do make it, I'll stick around for another 3 years after getting pinned, and decide then.
It still hurts emotionally because I feel guilty for even talking about it. I was in no danger, and some of my brothers and sisters in arms really suffered on deployments. Plenty had it far far worse than I did.
How it shaped me? It sharply reduced my trust in those in charge to do the right thing. I've seen stuff go on, both on deployment and in garrison, that would never fly in the active component.
It isn't lost on me that I'd probably be a retired MSG or SGM by now if I'd stayed active, and I'd be 5 years into a civilian career.
If I do not make the CW3 board this coming April, I will be retiring from the Reserve the following August. If I do make it, I'll stick around for another 3 years after getting pinned, and decide then.
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CW3 (Join to see)
Thank you Chaplain. If it weren't for certain individuals who've kept me sane, I probably would be either out of the military or in jail for felonious assault.
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CMSgt James Nolan
CW2 Walker, let us be clear. The less danger there is, the worse the deployment is. When the world is falling apart, there is no time for anything but preservation..
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CW3 (Join to see)
I appreciate the sentiment, Top.... but I see my brothers and sisters in arms coming back with PTSD, injuries, missing limbs, paralyzed, and/or not coming back at all........and can't bring myself to believe I had it worse.
Except for the facts that I was confined (mostly) to base and half a world away from my wife, my deployment was barely any different than garrison.
I feel guilty bitching about the fact that we were taken downrange by a LTC in a COL position hoping to use this in getting promoted, when he really only needed to take less than half of the unit, or that I was a WO1/CW2 doing a SGT's job.
Except for the facts that I was confined (mostly) to base and half a world away from my wife, my deployment was barely any different than garrison.
I feel guilty bitching about the fact that we were taken downrange by a LTC in a COL position hoping to use this in getting promoted, when he really only needed to take less than half of the unit, or that I was a WO1/CW2 doing a SGT's job.
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CH (CPT) Heather Davis
CW2 Walker, I had a similar deployment as a WO1, and I spend my entire time in church crying out to God, due to toxic leadership. I will share with you that I have taken classes dealing with the treatment of human stress.
What they found was whether you are deployed in Kuwait, Iraq, the environmental stressors put the individual at a state of fight and flight. The impact of the deployment changes your personality, and for many can put the individual in a state of not trusting.
What they found was whether you are deployed in Kuwait, Iraq, the environmental stressors put the individual at a state of fight and flight. The impact of the deployment changes your personality, and for many can put the individual in a state of not trusting.
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I think the first deployment is the hardest and you always do things differently on the next. My first deployment was for Bosnia in 1995 but instead of letting it destroy a marriage, we worked thru all the issues and are still married after 2 more deployments and several geo-bachelor assignments.
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CH (CPT) Heather Davis
LTC Lechette-Danberry:
Respectfully, you bring up several good points, the importance of working through and understanding the other's point of view. I know for my marriage, the deployment strengthened the marriage bond, and I have a new profound respect for my Husband and the gifts he brings to our marriage.
Respectfully, you bring up several good points, the importance of working through and understanding the other's point of view. I know for my marriage, the deployment strengthened the marriage bond, and I have a new profound respect for my Husband and the gifts he brings to our marriage.
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LTC (Join to see)
Chaplain,
Being married to another military member can be difficult but we do have a better understanding of what we go thru and can discuss the day without long explanations.
Being married to another military member can be difficult but we do have a better understanding of what we go thru and can discuss the day without long explanations.
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