Posted on Feb 26, 2015
SFC Josh Jackson
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Hello, my people! I was recently asked to provide input on an NCOER we're writing for an E-6 who recently transferred to our shop. His losing unit did not write him an outgoing NCOER, so of course it falls on us to pick up the pieces.

The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.

He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:

* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying

So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
Posted in these groups: 1024px smiley.svg HumorEvaluations logo Evaluations1efa5058 NCOERBilde2 OER
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Responses: 401
SMSgt James Williams
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"Superman with the cape" was on one of mine. He put it on there to see if anyone reads them. His theory was sound, it went through.
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MAJ Ken Landgren
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I guess no more promotions for him. I senior rated an E-6 who could not coordinate a weapons draw, open up the motor pool gates, weapons draw, move accordingly, and keep his soldiers informed. He just was not E-6 or E-7 material.
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A1C Flight Engineer
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Interesting articles keep posting more! https://davethediver.io
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LTC Russ Smith
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From a National Guard company commanders oer. Needless to say he was none select for promotion to major: "His company performed admirably during the Los Angeles riots under the capable leadership of his executive officer."
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LTC Military Police
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My two favorites that I have actually used:

0 Has a firm grasp of the obvious

0 There is a place for him in the US Army; it’s just not here!
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SGM Gregory Miller
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Save promotions for future peers.
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MAJ Judd Clemens
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This soldier is destined to go through life pushing on doors marked pull.
He fails to meet the low standards he sets for himself.
He should be retained on active duty as a bad example.
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SSG Senior Mechanic
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Excels at turning oxygen to carbon dioxide.
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LCDR Michael Pumilia
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The Dept head of the deck division on a carrier shared the eval of an ensign of the 1st division.
"Instructs his sailors in the use of an officer's sword during morning muster on the foc'sle. His sword play does not match Erroll Flynn nor John Paul Jones."
This explains why I was asked to assist the ship's XO during a deck dept evolution during an emergency. The First Lieutenant told me he needed me because all he had was new ensigns. I was the air dept admin assistant/ ATO. But I was also an officer-of-the-deck (underway) while getting my SWO badge.
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SPC Henry Francis
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I read this on an E6 affidavit in support of a General Discharge (UHC)for an E4 11B2P:
“Has inability to expend effort constructively.”
shortly after this troop had earned the EIB and received a personal commendation letter from the ROTC Commandant for outstanding performance as M-60 Range Card instructor of ROTC cadets which prompted his unit brigade and battalion commanders to also issue letters of commendation. These things sometimes bear little resemblance to the truth, especially if they are only written to achieve an objective.
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