Posted on Jun 30, 2017
How can I help a Vietnam veteran in-law who has PTSD?
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My father-in-law was a Green Beret in Vietnam. (He did demolitions in the Central Highlands.) He came back home with PTSD which still affects him today. He constantly looks at photos that he took during the war. He is not in the best health and keeps talking about the past. My husband is the only family member who speaks with him. I do not deny what happened but want to help. Any advice?
Posted in these groups: 
Vietnam War
PTSD
Vietnam War PTSD
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 8
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Are you sure he needs help Joanne? The fact is, as a contemporary of mine, your father-in-law may be going through period of reflection. I'm constantly reminded of my age, and realistically, the fact that I grow closer to meeting my creator each day. Even five years ago there were so many things I could do and enjoy that I must now carefully consider before I attempt. Simple things like taking my grandchildren to a fair or carnival, I have to consider whether I should attempt it. Looking back on the war, I was at my prime and in the intervening years I have accomplished much and could be considered a success. Now my wife and children dote over me as though one false move and it's curtains. Getting older, and having all your sins and exposures to every malady producing situation you can imagine is sobering. Reading of the deaths of your comrades you fought, played and lived life to the fullest with causes any man to start thinking thoughts that never entered your mind "back in the day". I would recommend treating him as a man, not an invalid, listening to his reminiscences. look at the pictures, all the time trying to involve him in the present and promises of the future. Older people aren't always crazy, but sometimes it's hard to accept what you need to leave behind and you need a little nudge into the future by someone who can see your value.
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Joanne Maresca
Good points - I think he may be at that point as well. He is doing fairly well, and I just want to be there I guess. I tend to be a helper so sometimes I see opportunities. I will not intervene unless he says he wants it.
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As someone who is 100% disabled from PTSD, I am compensated through the VA and provided many types of weekly aid and a VA paid Care-giver. IF he wants help, then pursuing proper compensation at the VA. Recently, more and more Vietnam Veterans are being recognized with PTSD and compensated on a case by case basis. But there is a maze of testing and paperwork required. He, like the few who did jobs like that, find it very hard to find others who truly understand what horrendous things he did for our country. But the best place to find others like him that understand him and can share experiences with are at VA hospitals. Good luck and God bless you for trying.
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Not trying to sound callous, but does your Father-In-Law want help? I ask this because I have seen many a time where help offered/given was not beneficial because help was not wanted.
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Joanne Maresca
I have not offered it, but I want to be able to give it if he wants. It's almost like he lives in a different world than the majority of us so if he's ready I want to be here.
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Joanne Maresca - In cases like this, offering help can be tricky. Some times, asking straight out is best, while other times bringing up the offer to help in a casual roundabout way works. Try the roundabout way first, working the offer into the conversation. If that don't work, try the direct route.
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