Posted on Apr 17, 2017
How do you truly come to terms with the death of a friend?
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I learned today that two friends of mine were pronounced dead on the 15th. Different places, different circumstances, same day. Almost astronomical odds, right? Well, RP, how do you reconcile with that kind of news? I'm not going to lie, I'm hurting inside, and I really don't know how to accept this. One was a soldier. The other, a friend from school. So how do you come to terms with a tragedy like this? Any and all advice is welcome, but please, let's keep it professional, as this is a serious topic of discussion.
Death
Friends
Military Career
Military Life
Civilians
Edited 9 y ago
Posted 9 y ago
Responses: 27
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Brother, I’m sorry.
A friend told me that you never get over the death of a close friend or family member. As if you lost your right arm, you will get used to writing with your left. That pain will never go away entirely, irrespective of the time and circumstances that will follow, and it never should.
Honor them on their birthday. Honor them on 15 April. Take a minute to crawl in a tight space and grieve, then carry on. If they are the kind of friends you find here, that is what they would expect you to do.
That’s a lot of simple advice on a very tough day. Again, I am sorry. Hang in there. Reach out if you need me.
A friend told me that you never get over the death of a close friend or family member. As if you lost your right arm, you will get used to writing with your left. That pain will never go away entirely, irrespective of the time and circumstances that will follow, and it never should.
Honor them on their birthday. Honor them on 15 April. Take a minute to crawl in a tight space and grieve, then carry on. If they are the kind of friends you find here, that is what they would expect you to do.
That’s a lot of simple advice on a very tough day. Again, I am sorry. Hang in there. Reach out if you need me.
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MSgt John McGowan
I lost my Dad over 15 years ago and I sure would like to talk to him. My family, the ones that raised me, Mom, Dad and Brother are gone and I am left. I think you just learn to live with it.
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SPC.. Any way you approach something like this it will be hard going for a while. Several years ago I lost 3 family member in 11 months. Two within 17 days, close family. I was in shock the first month or so and did some pretty dumb things. Not trouble mind you. But I found out it helped to do something and talk, and talk so more. And I have set and listened to friends that lost their friend. So talk it out, stay busy and look at the better times. But stay positive, we are all closer to death every minute. Hang in Brother, you always got us. I am sure we have people with words that can help.
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I'll tell you what I do in such situations:
1. Let their family know I care and actively look for ways to assist with the grieving process.
2. Respect and remember him/her for what they did for you.
3. As a writer/vlogger/musician, I like to create content in remembrance that share my thoughts on our relationship
4. Remember you can't always stop it.
5. Remember it as a reason to begin/continue sending out those random emails/facebook messages/tweets/phone calls just to remind someone you care and love them while you still can.
6. Remember you're not dealing with someone's loss alone.
7. Think of the good times and lessons you learned from them and together when the tears roll.
8. I drink sometimes. You shouldn't do that, though. Try to find another vice that's not potentially career-ending.
Let me know if you need anything.
1. Let their family know I care and actively look for ways to assist with the grieving process.
2. Respect and remember him/her for what they did for you.
3. As a writer/vlogger/musician, I like to create content in remembrance that share my thoughts on our relationship
4. Remember you can't always stop it.
5. Remember it as a reason to begin/continue sending out those random emails/facebook messages/tweets/phone calls just to remind someone you care and love them while you still can.
6. Remember you're not dealing with someone's loss alone.
7. Think of the good times and lessons you learned from them and together when the tears roll.
8. I drink sometimes. You shouldn't do that, though. Try to find another vice that's not potentially career-ending.
Let me know if you need anything.
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You never really come to terms when friends die. The best you can do is drive on and live day by day. Seek help when help is needed, though.
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Reach out and talk to anyone who will listen. Get together with other friends and family of your friends and share your grief. Don't be afraid to call helplines as well. They are not just for emergency situations and often just act as a neutral sounding board.
The key thing is to recognize that you are entitled to your grief. If you have not already, sit down with your immediate leadership as well as anyone within your sphere of influence and let them know about this. They need to be aware and should know if this might cause some performance disruptions.
The key thing is to recognize that you are entitled to your grief. If you have not already, sit down with your immediate leadership as well as anyone within your sphere of influence and let them know about this. They need to be aware and should know if this might cause some performance disruptions.
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SPC (Join to see) Well, first off let me give my sincere condolences. I can't even fathom losing two friends on the same day. I am glad you are reaching out to fellow members for some guidance. Now, for myself, I have experienced family members who have passed away, and what I do is celebrate their life. Cherish all of the good memories you had together. With time it will get better, you will never forget them but it will be easier as time moves forward.
Make sure you talk to fellow soldiers in your company, or even your NCO's. We are here to listen and help in any way we can.
Make sure you talk to fellow soldiers in your company, or even your NCO's. We are here to listen and help in any way we can.
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You have experienced a very tough time here. Has if happened to others? I had a friend whose husband was in his last days. She woke up one morning and knew that the end was near. She went to her son's house to tell him to come over because today would be Dad's last day. She found hr son in bed dead.
How does one deal? Everyone is different. I will only say to you there is only one right way to grieve. Your way.
Prayers for you as you deal with this.
How does one deal? Everyone is different. I will only say to you there is only one right way to grieve. Your way.
Prayers for you as you deal with this.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Times like this are never easy.
This isn't going to be helpful, but time. It takes a lot of time. Trying to accept it before you're ready will make it hurt more, which is also okay. You allow yourself to mourn, allow yourself to remember them and celebrate what they meant to, and forgive yourself when you don't think about them for a day. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or to just spend time with mutual friends talking about it or not talking about it at all. The pain will never go completely away, but it will get easier, I promise.
I started celebrating the birthday of a friend I lost. In a small way, like enjoying a piece of cake, that allows me to remember him and gives me a few minutes for reflection. I found that this helps with the guilt (which I hope in your case you don't feel) and addresses some of that lingering sense of loss.
This isn't going to be helpful, but time. It takes a lot of time. Trying to accept it before you're ready will make it hurt more, which is also okay. You allow yourself to mourn, allow yourself to remember them and celebrate what they meant to, and forgive yourself when you don't think about them for a day. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or to just spend time with mutual friends talking about it or not talking about it at all. The pain will never go completely away, but it will get easier, I promise.
I started celebrating the birthday of a friend I lost. In a small way, like enjoying a piece of cake, that allows me to remember him and gives me a few minutes for reflection. I found that this helps with the guilt (which I hope in your case you don't feel) and addresses some of that lingering sense of loss.
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I'd don't think you can ever truly come to terms with it. It takes years of slow recovery. Do not mourn their death celebrate their life make your memories that you have with them a constant reminder of the good times you had
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