Posted on Jan 1, 2026
How would you support and encourage the young woman, in your life, who has made certain choices, to make her dreams come true?
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"Flashdance" is another coming of age/rite of passage movie. (Girl Meets World - Girl Conquers World)
https://youtu.be/9UD0MSOE3X0?si=qNUwXFRttFaN3urx
https://youtu.be/9UD0MSOE3X0?si=qNUwXFRttFaN3urx
Movies
Parenting
Career Advice
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Motivation
Posted 2 d ago
Responses: 8
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard Set your goals high but realistic and use every ounce of determination you have to reach that goal. Then, work on exceeding your original goal. Use every resource available that you can find. I have two female students who want to go to medical school. They are both juniors currently in high school. With a meeting with their counselors they have a plan to take every health education class they can fit into their schedule. I'm in the process of writing recommendations for them to do clinicals (outside of the school real world experience).
I tell my students, "If you want something bad enough and you have the drive to do it, nothing can stop you."
I tell my students, "If you want something bad enough and you have the drive to do it, nothing can stop you."
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
For sure, Cpl Vic Burk you opened your door wide for your students to enter and get encouragement. And you have kept that door open. Also, you are a professional and this gives them a sense that you are so elne who would know best. Plus, they respect you.
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Cpl Vic Burk
PO3 Phyllis Maynard - Not saying I'm all that great by any means but sometimes the teacher has to play the role of the parent and give them encouragement. It may be the only place they can get it. My satisfaction comes from when I get invitations to their college graduations. So far two former students (that I know of) has successfully completed medical school and one is currently at Cornell studying to be a veterinarian. And, one is a math teacher in the Chattanooga area.
If I didn't have my seventh grade math teacher to turn to, most likely I wouldn't be where I am today. She pushed and encouraged me to set my goals and then work towards them. (Thank you, Mrs. DePue!)
If I didn't have my seventh grade math teacher to turn to, most likely I wouldn't be where I am today. She pushed and encouraged me to set my goals and then work towards them. (Thank you, Mrs. DePue!)
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Sit down with her and make a plan...that's what we did with our granddaughter.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
Lt Col Charlie Brown it means everything to our children, when they do not feel they have to make the correct decisions on their own.
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Baseline assumptions
_The pursuit of the material things or unhealthy desires is a nagging thirst that will never know quenching.
_Young and less mature minds often conflate the acquisition of material things or unhealthy desires with a dream.
_Desires are about self (not always the same as selfish) and acquisition.
_Dreams are about selflessness
Material things and desires always come with demands of care and concern. They can be won. They can be lost. They can cease to be our servant and become our master. The acquisition of material things and the satisfaction of desires should not be our end goal. They should be the reasonable rewards and sustenance of a life that has a greater purpose.
We need our dreams to have a healthy, purposeful and contented life. In our journey those dreams may change for any number of reasons. But to find peace and contentment there MUST be dreams. There must be a path. And there must be progress. Pursuit of dreams. even failed dreams, builds character. Sometimes good character, sometimes... not so much
I sense there is some more behind the question. Do you personally find some aspect of those choices the young woman makes distasteful? Physically or socially dangerous? Counter-productive? Is the dream worthy? Does the pursuit of the dream, win lose or draw, produce character?
If you want sound advice... we need more information. If the dream is worthy, ask the questions that will lead the young woman that show your sincere interest. Then ask her if she wants your help and how you can best provide that help.
_The pursuit of the material things or unhealthy desires is a nagging thirst that will never know quenching.
_Young and less mature minds often conflate the acquisition of material things or unhealthy desires with a dream.
_Desires are about self (not always the same as selfish) and acquisition.
_Dreams are about selflessness
Material things and desires always come with demands of care and concern. They can be won. They can be lost. They can cease to be our servant and become our master. The acquisition of material things and the satisfaction of desires should not be our end goal. They should be the reasonable rewards and sustenance of a life that has a greater purpose.
We need our dreams to have a healthy, purposeful and contented life. In our journey those dreams may change for any number of reasons. But to find peace and contentment there MUST be dreams. There must be a path. And there must be progress. Pursuit of dreams. even failed dreams, builds character. Sometimes good character, sometimes... not so much
I sense there is some more behind the question. Do you personally find some aspect of those choices the young woman makes distasteful? Physically or socially dangerous? Counter-productive? Is the dream worthy? Does the pursuit of the dream, win lose or draw, produce character?
If you want sound advice... we need more information. If the dream is worthy, ask the questions that will lead the young woman that show your sincere interest. Then ask her if she wants your help and how you can best provide that help.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
Maj John Bell this is a very structured breakdown. No, my only child is 37 years old. I crawled through that jungle with him. The question is posed because "others" see young women going down certain paths because they are afraid or ashamed to tell their parents they have failed, the parents have stratosphere expectations and they feel trapped and get trapped. This is how they end up escorting, prostituting, drug muling, addiction, then death.
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Maj John Bell
PO3 Phyllis Maynard - Well... I don't believe escorting, prostituting, being a drug mule, addiction, or death is on any rational parent's wish list for their child. I don't believe that any rational child sees those as paths to their parents' good graces. Allow time and the natural consequences to soften their stance,
Escorting, prostituting, being a drug mule, addiction; those are paths in pursuit of material goods, that thirst that is NEVER quenched. But people don't learn that lesson until life has opened their eyes. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to open one's eyes.
I spent my 20's trying to provide every material advantage to my children, the best house in the best neighborhood, the best education. My wife and I didn't spoil them but what we did provide was always "the best." I was slowly coming to the realization on my own that "the best" was not the best. I recognized that the Maries was good for me, but not great for my wife and kids. I ended my service and went into business for myself. No more deployments. No more days in the field. But to give them "the best" I left the house before they got up and rarely made it home before they went to bed.
Two years later, when my son was 12, he was killed in a car vs pedestrian accident. My eyes were opened. In his short life, the thing he needed and wanted most I didn't provide... time with his dad. I was so busy giving him "the best" that I didn't give him near enough of me. I wasn't a bad dad; I just didn't give what I should have in a full measure. In the time before my daughter aged out of our home, I changed that concept of "the best."
Getting back to your question, if someone is making questionable and destructive choices, I do not believe you can reprimand, criticize, or encourage them off those paths. People don't leave paths they believe lead to their "dreams." The most likely result of that course of action is that they will separate from you. And when they start to realize they need a new path, you may not have a relationship. You may no longer be in their life or you may not be a "go to." when they need one.
Use an indirect choice. What you can do is be there. When they make good decisions, ask them deep and sincere questions about those decisions and how they came to those decisions. Show sincere interest. In no way shape or form offer any criticism or critique. Don't tell them how they could have done "even better." Just let them know you're glad for their choice, that you celebrate their success. What in life is better than knowing someone is interested and cares about you?
If they go back to the bad paths, show no interest, have nothing to say.
Escorting, prostituting, being a drug mule, addiction; those are paths in pursuit of material goods, that thirst that is NEVER quenched. But people don't learn that lesson until life has opened their eyes. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to open one's eyes.
I spent my 20's trying to provide every material advantage to my children, the best house in the best neighborhood, the best education. My wife and I didn't spoil them but what we did provide was always "the best." I was slowly coming to the realization on my own that "the best" was not the best. I recognized that the Maries was good for me, but not great for my wife and kids. I ended my service and went into business for myself. No more deployments. No more days in the field. But to give them "the best" I left the house before they got up and rarely made it home before they went to bed.
Two years later, when my son was 12, he was killed in a car vs pedestrian accident. My eyes were opened. In his short life, the thing he needed and wanted most I didn't provide... time with his dad. I was so busy giving him "the best" that I didn't give him near enough of me. I wasn't a bad dad; I just didn't give what I should have in a full measure. In the time before my daughter aged out of our home, I changed that concept of "the best."
Getting back to your question, if someone is making questionable and destructive choices, I do not believe you can reprimand, criticize, or encourage them off those paths. People don't leave paths they believe lead to their "dreams." The most likely result of that course of action is that they will separate from you. And when they start to realize they need a new path, you may not have a relationship. You may no longer be in their life or you may not be a "go to." when they need one.
Use an indirect choice. What you can do is be there. When they make good decisions, ask them deep and sincere questions about those decisions and how they came to those decisions. Show sincere interest. In no way shape or form offer any criticism or critique. Don't tell them how they could have done "even better." Just let them know you're glad for their choice, that you celebrate their success. What in life is better than knowing someone is interested and cares about you?
If they go back to the bad paths, show no interest, have nothing to say.
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PO3 Phyllis Maynard
Maj John Bell isn't it so profound and thought provoking how patenting is such a layered day by day, wait and see process.
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