I want to be Special Forces, but I don’t want to lose my family. Any advice?

First off you do not "lose" your family when you volunteer for the SF program. There are additional stresses that are incurred but if they walk then did you really have them in the first place? Second, you should always talk these things through with your family beforehand. Some dreams are just not attainable at certain points in life.

You need to adjust your thinking if you are looking at units as high speed or not and looking at SF as answer to not dealing with the nonsense you attribute to big army.

A good army buddy with me in the 82nd ABN 2/505 inf in 1975 had to make the same decision as to your question.

His choice was Army 82nd ABN division or his family, he choose 82nd ABN division, we were always on deployment for months.

Three months in the desert, one month back at Bragg, then three more months in the jungles of Panama.
Comming back from Panama, a letter from his wife waited for him at home. He told me it said, "I can't take it no longer you being not at home", and she took their daughter back to Oklahoma.

The last thing he told me was, I'm going on emergency leave to look for my family, that was the last time I saw him, due to I had ETS.

Throughtout the years, I always wondered what happened to my good army buddy, and what had happened to him.
I finnaly found him online, he had passed away in 2011.

In his obituary it said in the background to me, he did find his family, did he save his marrage, NO he didn't.
Did he loose his family, Yes and No, lost his wife, but didn't loose his daughter. It said, he enjoyed many years in the Army in the 82nd Airborne division. (Put a smile on my face)

He was happly mairred again to another good woman, and had two more children, and enjoyed his grandson very much.

His daughter still with him for all those years, and was happy he enjoyed his life in the Army.
Did he make the right choice so many years ago, no one can really answer that, but he made a choice, and made the best of it.

Good luck young man in whatever you choose, years later in life, enjoy what that choice was for you, many years ago.

I will only say that I flew with the Alpha Teams of the Special Forces. I was not with the Special Forces but in the intelligence field. The missions were dangerous and for that matter most all Special Forces personnel are involved in special missions. I found them an elite bunch, funny and at times bordering on crazy. Two days before the Tet Offensive, I wasn't aware of the 8 inch howitzer that had brought in and while driving between the perimeter fences they fired a round that went whistling over my head. Never heard that sound before so I hit the brake and rolled out of the jeep onto the ground. I stood up after realizing it was outgoing and they were laughing their heads off. They were a great bunch and I laughed with them. That said, you have to decide what you want but know these guys will have your back but so would many other vocations. I worked in high level intelligence. I loved the work even though it was very fast paced and no room for error and think your family would not have to worry about you but at least discuss this with family before making a decision.

You have to make a choice. Career or family. It's the same choice a millions of people make all of the time. Being in the military just makes it a bit harder. Having said that, the military has made it easier than it used to be. They finally recognize that more people have families than do not. If your spouse supports you you can do it all. Good luck.

Huge assumptions here. If your family unit is tight, there are no problems. Make sure that your spouse is on board (pun intended) about your plans.

Special Operations & Special Forces are gone away more than they are home base. The best way to lose your wife is to cheat. There is a lot of it and peer pressure to do so. Women have what I call "Radar Love." They sense and know when you cheat. You can be both a great fathers as well as an outstanding Soldier. You have to prepare your family if and when you go to Special Forces. The advantages of that duty is faster promotions and speciality pays. The troops you will work with are the best part of it. The commanders are the best in the army. The training and experience is second to none. However, you got to want it. Selection is a continuous process, from day 1 until you leave.

It doesn't get any better. Go the ranger battalion. Then drop a packet. Or what ever it's called now days.

RltwAA TW

it appears you have one of the life's choices.

The SOF folks usually follow the rules closer than the rest of the Service, because they are in the black world and don't have time to get wrapped in unnecessary red tape and they have lots of pride in achieving the highest of standards and personal development.

What do you want to do in the SOF? Have you thought about Psy Ops or something similar. If you like living on the edge, become a Medic. Another dangerous job in a FOO is a Chaplain's assistant. You get to drive the Chaplain around unarmed and consider the Chaplain usually draws a crowd, sniper and artillery folks like that. In other words, if adventure is your game, expand your horizons and maybe you can have the best of both worlds..

The fact that you are using phrases like "high speed" and "nonsense of the big army' pretty much mean you don't have a clue about how the military works. If you think for one second that SF are somehow exempt from all the rigors of the rest of the service you are gravely mistaken. I suggest you stop watching Chuck Norris movies and A-Team reruns and concentrate on doing your current job well.

I know there is an urban legend that for your Special Forces graduation exercise you have to kill your immediate family. It isn't true. That's Marine Corps boot camp.

OK... OK... OK... It's a joke. Yes its in poor taste, but that's what I do.

Seriously during Desert Storm that's what Saddam Hussein told his troops. If they surrendered to Marines expect death, because they had to kill family members to become Marines.