Posted on Feb 3, 2015
In a relationship and have never had any strife; should I give that any thought?
3.35K
18
13
0
0
0
I know this is an odd place to discuss this type of thing, but I was hoping to get advice from those here who have been "around the block" and obviously have experience in this from a veterans perspective. I've been with my significant other for well over a year and things are fantastic. As stupid as this sounds, that freaks me out.
We've never fought. We've never even had an argument. She's very understanding and supportive of me, especially when it comes to the few veteran related issues and quirks I have. Our personalities mesh so well and we get along so perfectly that we've been able to make it this far without any kind of strife whatsoever. I know from prior relationships that seeing how the two of us overcome that first argument is an important step in determining the long term viability of the relationship. I also know that the day will inevitably come when that first fight happens, the only question is how far in the future that day is.
My question is this. Is it a problem that we show no signs of discovering more about this aspect of ourselves? I love her and am about as confident as I can be that I want to spend my life with her, but I worry about thinking too long term when basic relationship milestones have yet to be reached.
We've never fought. We've never even had an argument. She's very understanding and supportive of me, especially when it comes to the few veteran related issues and quirks I have. Our personalities mesh so well and we get along so perfectly that we've been able to make it this far without any kind of strife whatsoever. I know from prior relationships that seeing how the two of us overcome that first argument is an important step in determining the long term viability of the relationship. I also know that the day will inevitably come when that first fight happens, the only question is how far in the future that day is.
My question is this. Is it a problem that we show no signs of discovering more about this aspect of ourselves? I love her and am about as confident as I can be that I want to spend my life with her, but I worry about thinking too long term when basic relationship milestones have yet to be reached.
Posted in these groups: 
Relationships
Relationships
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 6
3
3
0
SGT (Join to see) I'm not sure what your actual question really is. My wife and I have been married almost 30 years and we don't fight much at all. That is, compared to what I see in most other relationships. So, I'm not sure what you want us to say? Leave her and find someone that you fight with all the time? lol I think what you are describing sounds at lot like your soulmate...
The best old guy relationship advise that I can give you is to respect her. In my humble opinion, most problems don't exist in the first place if you respect the other person. If you respect your partner you don't cheat on them. If you respect your partner you don't lie, you don't abuse, you don't do anything that would cause problems. My wife and I don't agree on every topic and we do have discussions, but we respect each others opinions so I don't think it ever really develops into an argument. You don't have to be perfect to find the perfect person for you. When you do hold on tight as hard as you can.
I hope you heed my advise, then one day many many years from now you will be an old guy like me giving relationship advice to young men just starting out! My wish for you is that you find someone as wonderful as I have to share your life with. Good luck and thank you for your service.
The best old guy relationship advise that I can give you is to respect her. In my humble opinion, most problems don't exist in the first place if you respect the other person. If you respect your partner you don't cheat on them. If you respect your partner you don't lie, you don't abuse, you don't do anything that would cause problems. My wife and I don't agree on every topic and we do have discussions, but we respect each others opinions so I don't think it ever really develops into an argument. You don't have to be perfect to find the perfect person for you. When you do hold on tight as hard as you can.
I hope you heed my advise, then one day many many years from now you will be an old guy like me giving relationship advice to young men just starting out! My wish for you is that you find someone as wonderful as I have to share your life with. Good luck and thank you for your service.
(3)
(0)
SGT (Join to see)
PO2 Jonathan Scharff, you're right. It's hard for me to describe what I'm trying to ask, though I can guarantee I'm not looking for anything along the lines of "leave her." I think what I'm looking for is what you've provided, validation that a relatively conflict free relationship is a thing that exists in real life and is possible to have for a prolonged period of time. Part of the problem is that I have had so few examples to go by of what "right" looks like that I'm second guessing and becoming neurotic over the thought that I may have stumbled into it.
(2)
(0)
3
3
0
Sounds like you are overthinking things. Also sounds like you both want this relationship to succeed. That being said, if you both give 100% in the relationship you most likely won't have issues. I have been in one relationship where we never fought. It was amazing. Things just happened and we went our separate ways.
Take things one day at a time. If you have been together that long and she is understanding of your job she sounds like a keeper! Stop waiting for a fight, it might not happen
Take things one day at a time. If you have been together that long and she is understanding of your job she sounds like a keeper! Stop waiting for a fight, it might not happen
(3)
(0)
SGT (Join to see)
SPC Mary Stewart, intellectually I know that I'm overthinking this. I know that I'm freaking out over what's an objectively good thing going for me. I think what worries me is the idea that we're so compatible and great for each other and to have all that crumble, potentially years down the road, because our one potential flaw is conflict resolution.
(1)
(0)
SPC Mary Stewart
Ok. Well that makes more sense. But I don't believe it will destroy a relationship as long as you don't let it. There will be arguments, and one of you will concede. It's inevitable. Just don't let it destroy what you and her have worked at becoming.
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
You are lucky! I would suggest going through some counseling, not because things are bad, but go through exercises on expectations, upbringing, beliefs, etc.
it will be helpful in finding problems before they even come up!
it will be helpful in finding problems before they even come up!
(2)
(0)
SGT (Join to see)
LTC David S. Chang, ChFC®, CLU®, that's something I may very well look into. I've attempted to the best of my abilities to have these types of conversations with her, though obviously a professional would likely be able to be more thorough and effective. Figuring out where we stand on important subjects, talking about our life experiences shared or otherwise, talking about expectations when it comes to various things, these are all conversations I tried to have relatively early in the relationship. I've done my best to try and anticipate and guide the relationship around problems before they become problems, though part of what freaks me out is that there hasn't yet been a need to do any guiding yet.
(0)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google