Posted on May 5, 2015
Is leaving the military like experiencing a death in the family?
10.1K
101
35
11
11
0
I heard a story this weekend on NPR about separations - from the military, divorce, etc. The narrator maintained that leaving the military when one's hitch is up, or returning from a deployment and going our separate ways, is the death of a special bond we had with our comrades in arms, and we experience some parts of the grieving process that follow an actual death.
I didn't experience this feeling when I left the military - I think - because I continued to serve and work with my Army colleagues as a DA civilian. I do remember, however, missing the camaraderie and closeness of my first assignment with the 82nd Airborne Division. We were a very close team, squad, platoon, and even company. Our leaders built esprit de corps and unit cohesion like I have not experienced since. I did "grieve" a little and miss those guys a lot.
Veterans, did you find this to be the case when you left the military? Others, did you feel this when you left a particularly close-knit unit? Or a close circle of military friends? Do you think this is valid? Or is it bunk and psychobabble?
I didn't experience this feeling when I left the military - I think - because I continued to serve and work with my Army colleagues as a DA civilian. I do remember, however, missing the camaraderie and closeness of my first assignment with the 82nd Airborne Division. We were a very close team, squad, platoon, and even company. Our leaders built esprit de corps and unit cohesion like I have not experienced since. I did "grieve" a little and miss those guys a lot.
Veterans, did you find this to be the case when you left the military? Others, did you feel this when you left a particularly close-knit unit? Or a close circle of military friends? Do you think this is valid? Or is it bunk and psychobabble?
Transition
Death
Camaraderie
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 22
6
6
0
It's a life changing experience, if you served over 25 years it's tough.
(6)
(0)
4
4
0
After experiencing a death in my family...there is actually no comparison...none.
(4)
(0)
CW5 (Join to see)
I understand completely, MSG Brad Sand. I've lost a daughter and my father, and I agree there's no comparison. That said, there could be parts (less intense) of the grieving process involved in separating from the military.
(2)
(0)
MSG Brad Sand
CW5 (Join to see)
I am not saying there is not a since of loss with separating, but it is nothing like the loss of a child. Additionally, we go into the military with an expectation, or even a plan, of leaving. I think we actually agree on this. Yesterday, my daughter out of the blue said "I miss Megan." It has been a couple years since her sissy's death, and writing this still brings tears...I never shed a tear about retiring...well maybe for joy but those don't really count?
I am not saying there is not a since of loss with separating, but it is nothing like the loss of a child. Additionally, we go into the military with an expectation, or even a plan, of leaving. I think we actually agree on this. Yesterday, my daughter out of the blue said "I miss Megan." It has been a couple years since her sissy's death, and writing this still brings tears...I never shed a tear about retiring...well maybe for joy but those don't really count?
(0)
(0)
4
4
0
CW5 (Join to see) Yes, it is a death of the old life into a new. I found a feeling of remorse each time I left active duty and returned to my civilian job and reserve status.
The last deployment to Afghanistan, seemed the hardest with so many who died in the Afghan Surge and I found it very difficult to find the same level meaning in my job. The passion and motivation need time to come back and for your brain to let you know all is OK.
My wife and kids say I am different, no matter how much I want to be the same person that went on active duty, you are impacted and can only hope the change is not too much.
The last deployment to Afghanistan, seemed the hardest with so many who died in the Afghan Surge and I found it very difficult to find the same level meaning in my job. The passion and motivation need time to come back and for your brain to let you know all is OK.
My wife and kids say I am different, no matter how much I want to be the same person that went on active duty, you are impacted and can only hope the change is not too much.
(4)
(0)
CW5 (Join to see)
Thanks for sharing your experiences and feelings, sir. All good points. I never deployed to a combat environment, but I think I understand where you're coming from.
(1)
(0)
3
3
0
3
3
0
2
2
0
I miss the camaraderie and working with a close team. There is really nothing like it (that I have found) as a civilian. I even worked as a police officer for a few years and didn't find the same level of connection there. Living and working with people day in and day out where you are all suffering the same hardships, it builds a something that I have not found elsewhere.
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
It doesn't have to be like death, use the military as a stepping stone to move up. I always asked everyone, what is your plan after the military? However I always heard, I will worry about that when I get there, hummm...maybe that is why for most it might feel like death... Preparation is key.
(2)
(0)
SGT James Hastings
It was easier for me since I only served for 3 years and went directly to work for the Department of Army as a civilian. I would imagine after 20 or more years it would have some "separation anxiety". When I retired from being paid for working it took me a long time to adjust. I still want to go back to full time paid work (from time to time) just to feel needed.
(0)
(0)
2
2
0
You know my story. I just wanted some closure. My retirement consisted of opening a letter and seeing that I was removed from the TDRL list and placed on the retirement list.
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
I see how one could look at as a type of death, So much left unfinished, the feeling that you could have contributed more. I feel that way every time I watch the news or pick up a paper and read about how screwed up everything is right now. I am sure my father thinks the same way, as well as my grand fathers before them.
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
Jigsaw called it "being reborn."
That's also a nod to Chinese astrology and the year of the pig.
That's also a nod to Chinese astrology and the year of the pig.
(2)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google