Joke for today! Any other good jokes post them!

Moral of the story... You can mold a piece of sh#t into a good NCO, but officers are a special kind of stupid.

So a Doe comes out of the woods, all messed up fur a mess, and She says that is the last time I will do anything for two bucks.

Subject: Chicago school math



Chicago Schools are finally starting to teach practical math problems that these kids can use in real-world situations!

NAME ____________________________________________________

GANG/CREW NAME _________________________________________

CRIB _____________________________________________________

1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shooting. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload ?

2.. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit ?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit ?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside ?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for an SUV. If he steals (1) BMW, (2) Corvettes and (3) SUV's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out ?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over ?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up ?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income ?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Another Great Joke
Aviation Wisdom about Drones
From CDR Ace Jewell, USN retired, now about 88, Fighter Pilot in 3 wars and LSO extraordinaire.
They don't make them like Ace anymore.
This is what he has to say about Drones:
"Drones will not be late to briefings, start fights at happy hour, destroy Officer Clubs, attempt to
seduce others' dates, purchase huge watches, insult other military services, sing "O'Leary's Balls,"
dance on tables, yell "Show us your tits!!!" or do all of the other things that we know win wars!"

A little Indian boy goes to his father and asks, how do Indians get their names? His father says that is easy question to answer. When a woman has a baby, the first thing she sees becomes the name. Like your sister Spotted Fawn, and your brother Running Deer. Oh, says the boy, now I understand. The father then asked the son, what made you think of such a silly question, Two Dogs Humping...

Ages
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but was directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.

Super Bowl Rings are in for the Patriots. What do you think?

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named T-square, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle, and a triangle which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named Slide Rule. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog, Measure, was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem. All three men agreed that this was very good and their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the Union member and said "What can your dog do?" The Teamster member called his dog whose name was Coffee Break, and said, "Show the fellas what you can do." Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed grievance for unsafe working conditions, and left for home on sick leave !! ;)