Military parents, how do you think the "military lifestyle" has affected your children?

GREAT question, and answered the same way a question of "Military couples, how do you think the "military lifestyle" has affected your marriage?
And the answer is,,It depends some good, some bad, some great, sometimes its drama of your own making.
My wife and I have been married 25 years, both were in when we met.
She got out just before our second child, I stayed in another 23 years.
Our kids learned to be self sufficient, they learned to make the best of what was, not pine for what is not.
They learned to be outgoing, make friends, and learned that the loss of a friend is not the end of the world.
They learned life was not fair...That the guy they looked up to, that was always strong, sure, confident could fail and get past it. That life could take something in an instant and it is not fair, but it is real.

Or oldest stayed in Oregon when we PCS'ed to Texas in 2005, having just graduating HS, and having the confidence and readiness to be on his own, He stayed there with his then 17 year old girlfriend. They are still together... thats a longer relationship then most married "adult" couples I know. They are successful, happy, healthy and still enjoy life. Id say military life style did not hurt them at all.

Our younger son (23) is now a father, he lives close by in Dallas...He and his GF at the time came to us little more then a year ago now when they found out a baby was on the way.. They told us, we are in this together... We are not getting married as it was not a plan before, so doing so "just because" would be dumb.. But married or not, our son will have both a mom and dad for ever..and we hope grand parents as well. They split up last month, their son, our grandson, likely does not know any difference as they live just a few miles apart deciding any more would negatively effect their son.

Our son got that sense of duty, honor, never quit, from my wife and I and his brother for sure,,, but I think the "Military lifestyle" had a part in it as well.

We have a 9 month old and my husband is gone for a few weeks of training. Our son knows enough to know that daddy is not home, and says dadadadadada all day long. He's also been extra fussy. I think it's different for kids of different ages, because my son doesn't understand why his father is gone, or where he is or when he's coming home. Older kids will obviously have more understanding.

It's tough though, being gone. However, there are lot of opportunities for positive experiences with being a military family. Although the traveling and moving is typically a career killer for spouses, I think it's good for the kids, to get them to experience more of life and different people and places than you normally would. That being said, I also plan on homeschooling so there won't be as much disruption in education. But I think overall, being a military family allows for good growth for your kids, and they won't be as "sheltered" as others who live in the same town their whole life.

The only other thing I would add is if you can-plan your family (which it sounds like you are). A lot of people don't and aren't ready (not saying you aren't) and it affects the marriage and finances, etc. (This is more for the influx of 20 year olds with 3 kids already.) We made sure our marriage was on solid ground, and we had the income to support our child without government assistance. I love being a parent and kids are great, but it also adds to the overall stress of the family.

I had two kids while on active duty. Their military experience taught them to

1) make the best of where ever they were (we told them that people paid money to travel to our various assignments so they needed to discover what those people liked),
2) be outgoing and make friends easily,
3) befriend loners who had problems making friends easily,
4) look beyond their current horizons and have a large world-view
5) shut up and stand up for the national anthem before movies at the base theater(!).
6) take on responsibilities that they otherwise might not have when dad was deployed

A couple of stories to illustrate:

We were at Universal Studios, So Cal, and came upon a "European street" complete with cobblestones, little pubs, bakeries, restaurants, etc. After our tour in Germany, our kids couldn't understand why such a run-of-the-mill street scene merited being there. We had to explain that, unlike them, that's as close as some people would get to Europe.

We moved both of our kids between their junior and senior years in high school. DEVASTATING, at the time, so we sent both of them back to our previous assignments (Cali and Japan) as part of their graduation present. Great life lesson re: not being able to go back in time. People had moved on, friends had other friends, etc. Both wished they had taken the money instead of the trips.

In the end, it's up to you. If you're positive, resilient, adventurous, etc., then military life for a kid can be fun and very educational. If you're stuck on base, it could become very boring, regimented and monochromatic.

I am not going to sugar coat this but it is rough to be honest. It also wildly varies between types of soldiers. As an Infantry Officer I am often gone doing something. My wife's parents were both in the Marines but in his twenty years he wasn't away much due to being an Admin MOS. Fast forward to the past 15 years we are now a deploying Army. My daughter was 3 months old when I went to Iraq my second time. I would make this a very planned move. It is not that you can't have a family in the military but you have to be rational with the expectation. Like when I PCSed to Fort Benning and within a couple weeks being there I had to go TDY to Florida for a couple weeks. I would seek out some support first and establish some contingencies if you are away. Or ran her by some scenarios. It puts a lot of stress on your spouse. In the military we just drive on but our families may not be able handle it same and will need help. Sometimes you will not be there. That is where issues come from. For my daughter. I don't think it has really been that rough. She is 9 now. She has PCSed with me but she didn't really like leaving one spot and going to another. But they need support also. Getting them involved with the community so they can feel like they belong and fit in is the best way to do this.

I as a Military Dependent, a Retired Veteran of +20 yrs and now a parent of a Soldier do think it was nothing but positive in our lives.

We all know that the military requires sacrifice and sometimes we sacrifice to much with out little ones because they dont have a voice in what we say or do. My son, I think has had it hard because he cant get establish in a school like a normal kid. The moment he gets comfortable with a system that is in place, then he has to either leave for a year due to deployment or a PCS. So I jus sometime wish I could put a little more into being a DAD fulltime.

I grew up an Army brat, I raised 3 Navy brats and am the parent of a navy pilot. I would not change my childhood for anything. You kids will handle the challenges as an adventure if you teach them that that is what this life is about. The opportunities to see so much that this nation and the world has to offer beats the drawbacks. I still have friends from junior high and high school, thanks to social media. My parents always valued our friendships and help us to stay in touch even before social media existed.
The compassion, the empathy and pride in our nation are real results f our fabulous lifestyle.

My wife and I raised three "Air Force Brats." We had many challenges. Here are some thoughts for you.
-PCS: two of the tree kids liked the moving around and meeting new people in interesting places. The picture is of the three kids, circa 1980, in Alaska. Not too many kids from the Lower 48 get to live in Alaska. We had the unfortunate circumstance of getting our move cycle stuck at the end of the calendar year. This was difficult for the kids when they were in Middle School and High School. If you can keep you move cycle in the summer, it will work out better for the kids. If possible, avoid moving during the four years of High School--not easy with multiple kids. Make every move an adventure. Look forward to the move yourself and your kids will catch the enthusiasm. When you get to the new place, go see and do the local fun stuff as much as you can in the first 3 months. This will give the kids a positive experience plus give them something cool to talk about with their new friends.
-Schools: The quality of public education varies widely among locations. We lived where the schools were terrible, Mississippi, and where they were great, Alaska. You need to stay involved with your kid's schools. Meet the teachers and admin staff. Talk to the teachers more often than the required teacher's conference. Use all of the on-line tools the school provides to track homework, progress, grades, and after-school activities. Hint: If both parents work, the YMCA provides after-school activities at low cost in some areas. On base housing often ties your kids into one school system. It may or may not be the best in the area. Consider schools carefully when you buy or rent a home. If you are in a State where the schools suck, consider sending the kid(s) to private school or home schooling.
TDY: It's going to happen. The kids need to know it's a normal part of life for them. Make sure they know in advance that Dad will be gone and Mom will be in charge (isn't she always in charge anyway). Keep the sad good-byes to a minimum. Let the school know when a parent is TDY. Make homecoming a major celebration. Understand that it will take about a day for each week a parent is gone for them to integrate back into family life. If you're gone 12 weeks, expect it to take 10-15 days for you and the family to get resynced. To the extent you can, limit your TDYs. Don't volunteer for every TDY opportunity that comes up, but take you fair share.
Stability: Kids need love and stability in the military environment. They will go through a period of adjustment with each move, TDY, deployment, or other change in status. They may act out, be depressed, or act hyperactive or like real slugs. It depends on the kid. Love them through it. Have solid family principles and rules that apply at all times and in all locations. This helps provide stability. Help them carry favorite activities from one location to the next, such as sports or Scouting. Make sure their favorite things make it into "hold baggage" so they show up early in the move. Take one or two of their very most favorite things in the bags traveling with you. Having ones stuff when you don't have a place is a bigger deal than you might think.
Career Decisions: I made many career decisions in my 22 years. Every time I decided to take a course of action that was best for my family, even if I thought it might not be best for my career, it always worked out better than I had thought.

How did it turn out for the Coe Clan? Oldest daughter is a Nurse Practitioner (BSN, MSN) for the VA and a Navy Reserve Nurse and LCDR. She raised two good kids and her daughter gave us two great-grandchildren. Our Son bummed around a year or so after high school. Then he moved back to Alaska where he worked as a VW mechanic for a few years. Later he completed his bachelors in commercial art. Today he is Vice President and Creative Director of an advertising agency in Anchorage, AK. He has three beautiful girls, the oldest started college this fall. Our youngest daughter also delayed her post-secondary education a year or so working entry-level jobs. She completed her Associate Degree and worked in a variety of jobs for about 10 years. She completed her BS in Accounting and now works as a Business Analyst for a software company in St Louis. She has one son who is completing his AS this year in IT. They live near us. (Son and younger daughter are both dyslexic. Schools didn't recognize it until we got to Alaska.) On the down side, all three kids have all been married more than once giving us an interesting collection of spouses, ex-spouses, step-grandchildren, and ex-grandchildren. Not sure military life had much to do with that, but it's still a fact. Marilyn and I have been married 51 years, so we tried to provide a good example.

CPT (Join to see) With all things considered, there is nothing more rewarding than being a father! Nothing will add up to more and you will never find anything that will fulfill you the way being a father does. Also, when you come home to your son or daughter running up to you to give you a hug and say I love you there is no bad day that will keep you from feeling like the luckiest guy in the world. You will NEVER be ready, there is never going to be a RIGHT time. That is something that any parent can attest to. Every kid is different and presents its own obstacles but being a dad is the best job in the world!!

Overall positive. They experienced other cultures, became multi-lingual. It made them adaptable, resilient and more independent. My two oldest still talk about when they lived in Japan.
Their mom did a fantastic job playing both roles during my absences.