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Trying to teach my boy to ride his bike today. I pushed him down a grassy hill much like my father would have done with me. He fell (of course). Got up and was crying. Now please fellas don't judge me. I come here confidently looking for help. My Temper (derived from large problems with PTSD) took hold. I went from the loving helping understanding father that I am, to a name calling agree and somewhat violent person. This isn't who I am but the more and more it goes on and the more help that I get, I feel like this is the route that I find myself traveling down! This scares me, not only because this is my son...but this is my best friend in the world. Its not that its him, its that I find myself falling to violence more and more recently. I've been to the VA with no help given. I've talked to my extremely understanding wife and she helps me out tremendously...but I feel it deep down inside and I am afraid its going to get out of hand and the net time it isn't going to be a little temper tantrum. Some one please help me out! Advice is needed!!! I'm just a regular guy that wants a regular life!!!
Posted >1 y ago
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SSG Siebenaller, I don't have PTSD...so take this with a grain of salt. A lot of people have talked about getting help here, and you absolutely should follow that advice. I will however say that I am a naturally violent person. Comes from my upbringing. I grew up rough until I got into high school and college. I'm not your typical upper-middle class bred officer. I have a grand propensity for violence...and it is my first and natural reaction...to darn near anything. Until I looked at myself and said that to myself. Then, and only then, could I mitigate it. The fact that you realize there is an issue is huge. The fact that you don't like it is huge. From a guy who used to break things when he was angry, I'll tell you that it IS what you are now. It's a part of you. Admit it and then seek the help you need. Some can do it just by knowing that its something they don't want to be and others need some more assistance. Never stop working at it. It has taken me over 20 years to find peace with my demons.
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Cpl Dennis F.
COL (Join to see) SSG Jeremy Siebenaller That or get a job as a corrections officer. I saw a police shrink for awhile for aggression and anger management, and he told me "I have to teach these guys to be like you are just naturally" but.....I'm feeling much better now;)
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SSG Hector Brooks
My temper started just 3 months before I retired. My chain of command gave up on me, went out of their way to point the blame at processes I managed. Rater never wrote my NCOER, so I did as I had done in previous years and it was not accepted and my Rater skipped out to another duty station. Nobody wanted to rate me and nobody wrote an award....I fought the good fight and now it's behind me and so are the people of my old unit.
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OUCH!
First of all - you're not alone. PTSD comes forth when it comes forth. You recognize it, you see the results when your "PTSD face" comes out and how it affects you, your children, your familiy and the family dynamic. You are concerned about the future. These are good things! Knowing you have a problem is only part of the process. Trust me, if you don't continue to get help for the issue it will NOT get better - you will simply bottle it up and at some point we will be reading about you in the newpaper in horrifying detail.
Discovering what your triggers are is a never ending process. Even today, I'm finding new things that cause my panic attacks and my violent urges - over 30 years after the fact. My bottling up things cost me a good marriage and certainly did no favors to my career.
Now...enough about me....you say you've been to the VA and no help. I would like to hear more - so, talk to me, privately if you feel it's necessary. I sense there's more......
First of all - you're not alone. PTSD comes forth when it comes forth. You recognize it, you see the results when your "PTSD face" comes out and how it affects you, your children, your familiy and the family dynamic. You are concerned about the future. These are good things! Knowing you have a problem is only part of the process. Trust me, if you don't continue to get help for the issue it will NOT get better - you will simply bottle it up and at some point we will be reading about you in the newpaper in horrifying detail.
Discovering what your triggers are is a never ending process. Even today, I'm finding new things that cause my panic attacks and my violent urges - over 30 years after the fact. My bottling up things cost me a good marriage and certainly did no favors to my career.
Now...enough about me....you say you've been to the VA and no help. I would like to hear more - so, talk to me, privately if you feel it's necessary. I sense there's more......
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MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca
SSG Jeremy Siebenaller, PO1 (Join to see) has hit this one out of the park as far as I'm concerned, so I hope you've taken it all in.
I have sought and on occasion still do seek help for both military and civilian related depression and anger management issues. I'll add only 2 things based on my experiences because PO1 Medley has touched on most of it.
1) Have you looked outside VA channels for help? Civilian psychiatric services often have a better handle on things because they can take the military out of the context and see the underlying issues - believe me it works. I have been with my psychologist for over 10 years and she is a God send. Also, for me, talking to a women was much better than a man and got me further along.
2) Counselling from a licensed social worker as opposed to medically bound psychiatric counselling. I hear you, anyone who wants to drug first and talk later is a 0 in my book. Meds definitely help but getting to the root of the problem helps to better understand what meds will or will not help is the key.
It can be long and frustrating to find the right person, or in your case finding the person only to have them move out of your life, but DO NOT give up. I am also married and have children so that was my reason to keep fighting. Please reach out whenever you need something.
I have sought and on occasion still do seek help for both military and civilian related depression and anger management issues. I'll add only 2 things based on my experiences because PO1 Medley has touched on most of it.
1) Have you looked outside VA channels for help? Civilian psychiatric services often have a better handle on things because they can take the military out of the context and see the underlying issues - believe me it works. I have been with my psychologist for over 10 years and she is a God send. Also, for me, talking to a women was much better than a man and got me further along.
2) Counselling from a licensed social worker as opposed to medically bound psychiatric counselling. I hear you, anyone who wants to drug first and talk later is a 0 in my book. Meds definitely help but getting to the root of the problem helps to better understand what meds will or will not help is the key.
It can be long and frustrating to find the right person, or in your case finding the person only to have them move out of your life, but DO NOT give up. I am also married and have children so that was my reason to keep fighting. Please reach out whenever you need something.
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PO1 (Join to see)
SSG Jeremy Siebenaller
Sir -
It's not something to defeat - PTS is something to manage and understand. To say you have defeated PTS is foolish or at least for me it is. I still have moments where I have that massive anger that comes out of nowhere. I've learned how to direct it - most of the time. Perhaps YOU can defeat it and I shall be right there with everyone cheering. Do NOT get caught up in the issue of how others perceive you regarding PTS. We can only SHOW the ignorant individuals that we are more than what their lack of knowlege allows them to see. There are those we will never convince and that is THEIR loss.
Just being in the military puts us on an entirely different playing field than 99% of our country. We volunteer. We train to be what our country needs. We suffer so that others in our country will not have to face what we have seen others go through in the mulititude of countries we serve in.
Keep looking for that one doctor ....
Sir -
It's not something to defeat - PTS is something to manage and understand. To say you have defeated PTS is foolish or at least for me it is. I still have moments where I have that massive anger that comes out of nowhere. I've learned how to direct it - most of the time. Perhaps YOU can defeat it and I shall be right there with everyone cheering. Do NOT get caught up in the issue of how others perceive you regarding PTS. We can only SHOW the ignorant individuals that we are more than what their lack of knowlege allows them to see. There are those we will never convince and that is THEIR loss.
Just being in the military puts us on an entirely different playing field than 99% of our country. We volunteer. We train to be what our country needs. We suffer so that others in our country will not have to face what we have seen others go through in the mulititude of countries we serve in.
Keep looking for that one doctor ....
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COL Roxanne Arndt
SSG Siebenaller,
I think you have taken a big step here by reaching out to your Ralley point community, no one understands the situation better than your fellow comrades. It is important to have support system in whatever form that takes. PO1 Medley is correct when he says you will never defeat it, you have to recognize it, understand the triggers and then find a way to manage it. Many people I know have let PTSD defeat them and it doesn't have to be that way. Many people use it as a crutch to explain their behavior or they are looking for sympathy. Sympathy is not what someone needs when diagnosed with this disorder, they need empathy. Understanding your situation, having strong support systems and coping mechanisms is important. Going to the VA (I agree with MAJ Petrarca) is not the answer and considering what is going on with the VA system right now you may not get an appointment in a timely manner. Talk to friends, civilian and military and see if they have recommendations. Find a civilian doctor. Your Ralley point community is here for you!
I think you have taken a big step here by reaching out to your Ralley point community, no one understands the situation better than your fellow comrades. It is important to have support system in whatever form that takes. PO1 Medley is correct when he says you will never defeat it, you have to recognize it, understand the triggers and then find a way to manage it. Many people I know have let PTSD defeat them and it doesn't have to be that way. Many people use it as a crutch to explain their behavior or they are looking for sympathy. Sympathy is not what someone needs when diagnosed with this disorder, they need empathy. Understanding your situation, having strong support systems and coping mechanisms is important. Going to the VA (I agree with MAJ Petrarca) is not the answer and considering what is going on with the VA system right now you may not get an appointment in a timely manner. Talk to friends, civilian and military and see if they have recommendations. Find a civilian doctor. Your Ralley point community is here for you!
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SPC (Join to see)
SSG Jeremy Siebenaller I was doing the prolonged exposure but the problem is even being active duty I couldn’t get the appointments needed on post. I was supposed to see her two to three times a week to control what would come out with the prolonged exposure but I could only get one appointment per month. Leaving me to deal with all of these things coming out myself. I would not sleep. Would be down stairs staring out my windows with no lights on with my gun in hand waiting for someone to come attack me all night. Then go to pt in the morning and the rest of the work day so angry at myself because I knew I needed sleep but my own dumbass fault I stayed up paranoid. They eventually turned me to drugs. I was a zombie and could not wake up in the morning for pt and was threatened paperwork because of all of the ftr’s for morning formation. I stopped going to Behavorial health and stopped the meds. My anger towards anything is so bad that my wife threatens to leave me almost weekly. My unit is giving me crap for other physical injuries along with the appointments needed for my mental health and have fallen into suicidal thoughts and bad depression. My ptsd wasn’t from the military but was from my time as a corrections officer before the military. But was diagnosed in the military because I went to behavioral health for an anger problem. Sorry for telling my life story. I am seeking the same help to hopefully get my family life back on track.
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Parenting is tough when we have all our wits about us, and damn near impossible when we don't.
I don't have the answers or any good advice.
But I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I don't have the answers or any good advice.
But I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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SSG Jeremy Siebenaller PO1 Medley is right on with his advice. In addition, I do not know what your County Mental Health Offices look like or how they work there, but that is a resource often overlooked. If nothing else they may be able to offer a referral to a qualified Counselor or Doctor in your area.
Talking in groups always seems to help also. VFW, as stated is a good option, or other Vets groups. If you drink, and have a problem with alcohol (I am shooting in the dark here) you may find AA to be a great help also. Al Anon is for people who have had alcohol affect their lives (Parents and/or others in your life with alcohol problems?) Many times alcohol and PTSD go together so well the areas get clouded. But, talking to others is always good therapy.
Best of luck. You have received some great coaching so the ball is in your court. Run with it my friend.
Talking in groups always seems to help also. VFW, as stated is a good option, or other Vets groups. If you drink, and have a problem with alcohol (I am shooting in the dark here) you may find AA to be a great help also. Al Anon is for people who have had alcohol affect their lives (Parents and/or others in your life with alcohol problems?) Many times alcohol and PTSD go together so well the areas get clouded. But, talking to others is always good therapy.
Best of luck. You have received some great coaching so the ball is in your court. Run with it my friend.
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I have been there and done that too SSG Jeremy Siebenaller! I'm the father of two kids myself, my son is 9 years old and my daughter is 8 years old. As every other parent before me and those that will follow me, I found raising kids isn't all fun all the times. My kids do things that test me and could stress me out.
I wish I could give you some great piece of advice that you can take and correct the issue with your temper but I can only tell you what I do. When I feel things getting closer to out of control, I normally sit down and try to collect myself. If my son or daughter are doing something stressing me out, I sit him or her down and I sit down. After things calm down, the biggest thing I do is give them a hug and remind them that I love them if when they stress me out.
Life with PTSD is no fun that is for sure and I truly hope you are able to find a way to combat these temper tantrums. If you ever need to vent or whatever, shoot me a message, I'm willing to listen.
I wish I could give you some great piece of advice that you can take and correct the issue with your temper but I can only tell you what I do. When I feel things getting closer to out of control, I normally sit down and try to collect myself. If my son or daughter are doing something stressing me out, I sit him or her down and I sit down. After things calm down, the biggest thing I do is give them a hug and remind them that I love them if when they stress me out.
Life with PTSD is no fun that is for sure and I truly hope you are able to find a way to combat these temper tantrums. If you ever need to vent or whatever, shoot me a message, I'm willing to listen.
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I will definitely be praying for you and your family Jeremy. There is not a lot that I can add that hasn't already been suggested.
Just know you are never alone. Although I do not suffer with PTSD, nor do I totally understand it, I do understand your frustration. I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety most of my life and can relate to your frustrations. If you ever want to talk private message me and I will give you my number.
Just know you are never alone. Although I do not suffer with PTSD, nor do I totally understand it, I do understand your frustration. I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety most of my life and can relate to your frustrations. If you ever want to talk private message me and I will give you my number.
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I second Major Petrarca's response in encouraging you to look outside the military medical system. As much as it pains me to admit it, I have first hand experience to the lack of ability or diligence in their capabilities to handle patients with PTSD. As many have said already in this thread, good on you for recognizing and seeking help. That is a huge first step. I would maybe also encourage a civilian counselor, chaplain, social worker, American Legion, VFW, etc. In the mean time, recognize your triggers, step back when you notice them, and take some time to decompress on your own. Unfortunately, kids don't always understand what you are going through, and they will learn to emulate what you are doing.
Lastly, keep your head up and think positive. You are one of us and we are family. When one hurts, we all hurt!
I will be keeping you in my thoughts brother!
Lastly, keep your head up and think positive. You are one of us and we are family. When one hurts, we all hurt!
I will be keeping you in my thoughts brother!
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When I was raising a son I was just past the height of my initial PTSD, and I was staying home because my wife was then a Navy nurse and had only 6 weeks off. I had anger that I would bottle up and my son would not usually see. When I couldn't hold it in and did anything malicious, like yell at him, or start to drive the car away with him outside, I soon felt awful. I did what I now know I should have done. I told him I should not have done that because there are better ways, and sometimes said I was sorry. It worked, he did not get away with much. He came to understand I had a problem and was otherwise a great father.
Later I learned more about being patient with myself, and continued to get therapy through civilian sources - I had bad luck with initial VA contacts. Eventually though most people thought I was not an angry person, I enrolled in a VA anger management group in Denver, and it turned out to be great. It is easier to look at and think of alternatives to acting out of anger if you are in a group learning it is not a sign of being a bad person, just that your reactiveness has to be understood and habits changed through noticing how you and those around you feel.
It's not sometime you can read about and do for yourself - or very difficult.
In the meantime perhaps there is someone who can serve as a friend to call, who is less judgemental about anger than you are towards yourself. If you can't find a group in the VA, there are some other free to veteran services such as a large group of therapists around the country that sets aside some time for Vets. http://www.giveanhour.org/
Good luck!
Dan
Later I learned more about being patient with myself, and continued to get therapy through civilian sources - I had bad luck with initial VA contacts. Eventually though most people thought I was not an angry person, I enrolled in a VA anger management group in Denver, and it turned out to be great. It is easier to look at and think of alternatives to acting out of anger if you are in a group learning it is not a sign of being a bad person, just that your reactiveness has to be understood and habits changed through noticing how you and those around you feel.
It's not sometime you can read about and do for yourself - or very difficult.
In the meantime perhaps there is someone who can serve as a friend to call, who is less judgemental about anger than you are towards yourself. If you can't find a group in the VA, there are some other free to veteran services such as a large group of therapists around the country that sets aside some time for Vets. http://www.giveanhour.org/
Good luck!
Dan
Free mental health services for the military community & other populations. Lead organization for The Campaign to Change Direction.
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You are not alone brother. I myself have done the same with my 4 kids. It hurts inside knowing we aren't like that normally. Already you know something isn't right. Don't give up brother. I can't seem to get the needed help to get the va to recognize my ptsd symtons. Just handed mood meds. Stay connected to military members/veterans we've been there done that were others cant relate. Best wishes. You can get through anything. Because you survived basic. :)
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Brother, anytime you are dealing with your loved ones take a few seconds and breath. Just breath. When you see your child in pain or embarrassed take a second and breath. Next, fix the problem. Sometimes all it takes is a hug or positive words. If you ever need to talk Message me and we will go from there.
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