What are the best excuses you have heard for people not joining the military?

My dad always says, "I didn't want to join the military, so I went into the Navy instead."

Best things ive heard are as follows:
1. "Aint no way im joinin'! If a drill sarg get in ma' face, imma finna punch his ass outta here!" (No joke, they said it like that)
2. "...But the military is for stupid people!"
3. "I almost joined, but then i broke my arm/leg/tiny heart/etc.."
4. "But im too fat!"
And 5. "Nah man, im going into the coast guard, why would i EVER join the army??" (No offense to any puddle pirates, if any are on here)

On recruiting duty, I heard a lot. But most common was "I am not the Army type". My response usually was, "so what is the Army type?" In some cases, based on the appearance of the individual, my response was simply "yeah you are probably right, I doubt you are even qualified to join".

Best ones I have heard were from my family:
Brother (25 years old w/ Bachelors) - I don't like getting my hair cut more than once a month.
Sister (22 years old) - I don't want to quit smoking pot... or move out.
Sister (20 years old) - I am taking 1 class this semester and I need to be in college.

My wife was the only one who even considered it, but didn't want to leave our toddler to go to BCT or AIT.

Frankly, my opinion is that if someone doesn't want to join, then we are probably better off without them.

I've heard several different excuses that are laughable, most of them probably on this thread somewhere already. But the kicker with most of these excuses is the follow up of "If I had joined I would've done SEALs/SF/RECON/Delta/etc". Sure buddy!

My two sons say they won't go in because they have seen first hand how the va treats wounded and disabled vets. They say if they get hurt while serving they would be screwed like I have been.

could not deal with rules regulations or authority

When I was a recruiter I had a kid tell me that he had decided not to join because " If I enlist mama and pops will lose half of their welfare check, they can't live on that."

The question seems very ambiguous; best excuse up top and absurd, colorful on the bottom! So best reasonable excuse was; medically turned down for any number of serious medical conditions. Most absurd, colorful and quite common excuses were: I don't like being told what to do, I refuse to be brainwashed or the military is for the poor or mentally challenged not gifted individuals. Somewhere in between is I don't want to die on the battlefield!

The most common excuse I got was, "Couldn't join due to some obscure Football injury"