While on the firing line at the range, what is the most off the wall excuse a Private has made up because they can't shoot?

My reason in basic was my eye pro kept fogging up, which was the truth... I had not received my prescription glasses or inserts so I had to wear my eye pro over my civilian pair of glasses. My DS came and asked what my issue was and why I kept removing my eye pro. He told me to shoot without my eye pro on so my glasses wouldn't fog up and I could zero my weapon.

Another I heard was "Man, Fast freddy is fast".....well no kidding.
I also had to confiscate the skillcraft pens to keep questionable people from "poking" a 40/40 after joking about it.

One of my experiences that I witnessed, and I still don't know how she did it, but there was this LTC Dietician....somehow she managed to get the loaded magazine into the weapon backwards.

Shoot, I just admit I sucked, lol. Hell, I still qualified, just was never stellar in shooting.

Pretty sure I've heard them all. My favorite though, was a SGT that over a 4 year stint in the same unit had failed to ever zero her weapon. To top it off, she would eventually be allowed to try to qualify on her "unzeroed" M4... which typically ended in several hundred rounds expended before barely qualifying.

She was promotable to SSG when I PCSed.

My platoon had a recruit fall back into our range qualification and he was held back twice I think he was scared to get into the fleet and get some

I haven't heard too many, but I had an experience that must have seemed crazy to my PL. At a range in Iraq I was zeroing my M16A2. After I fired three rounds my PL would come over and we would adjust my front and rear sights as needed. When I would shoot again my grouping would be way off. After being scolded a few times for not using the same sight picture I was pulled from the range. Through it all I swore my front sight post was bent as my rounds were landing on the horizontal plane of the target. It took the BN CSM to look at my rifle and back me up to not get smoked.

I was an Infantry Training Company XO (4/36 IN, 1st INF TNG BDE, Fort Benning GA) and I have 2 stories to share.

The first was, the company was on the automatic weapons range and a recruit was acting up on the range and refused to fire his weapon. Well I as the range OIC and the Senior Drill Instructor (SFC Wolf) pulled the individual off the firing line and asked him why he refused to fire the weapon. Well it seemed that prior to this incident during individual M!^ qualification the recruit had a hard time zeroning his weapon and qualifying. His Drill made him do addition training and one of the dry fire ranges and in one of the simulators. I am also sure that the Drill Instructor got in his face a few times as well. Back to the range well it comes out in the discussion with the recruit that he did not want to fire live rounds because he was afraid he would not qualify and he did not want to have additional training with his Drill Instructor. He then told me that he was afraid he would turn his weapon on his Drill Instructor if he was pushed to fire the weapon. Cease Fire Freeze, he said what. He said "he would turn his weapon on his Drill Instructor". I called the MPs and the Medics and turned the recruit over to be psychologically evaluated and charged for making a verbal threat against his Drill Instructor.

This was not on a range but another story. We were out on the field exercise before graduation with the training company. We had just conducted a combat landing with C130s into a hot airfield and were extracted by Blackhawks to our assembly area. While in the Assembly Area, one of the Drill Instructors came to me and said that Recruit so and so wanted to speak with me in private. I said sure not problem. I asked the Drill Instructor if he had a clue as to why. He said no. I said bring him on. The recruit and the Drill come in and the recruit breaks down crying. He says he can't take it any more, and I told him this is fun training and you have only a week left until graduation. He says no sir I can't take it anymore. I ask what can't you take anymore. He states: "I was initiated into a gang back in LA, and my initiation was I had to kill someone and cut off their head. I said what? He made the statement again. I said stop right there, I read him his rights, called CID and had him e-vacked out of the field to the MP Station. We were putting his stuff together and the Senior Drill Instructor found 3 live M16 rounds (5.56 ball) in his sleeping bag. Taking no chances we did a health and welfare search of the rest of the recruits and no other ammo turned up. I checked in with the MPs turned in the ammo to them and asked if their had been any info from LA. Come to find out he gave his statement to the CID officers and they found a body just where and how he said it was disposed of.

unfortunately, I've only been a range safety once in my short nco career, and they all shot better than me!

I knew a private in basic who claimed he had "a traumatic experience with guns"
The DS proceeded to tell him horrific war stories about how HE had traumatic experience with weapons of all sorts.. He stopped the excuses after that

I remember the urban legend of the MI Unit (admin, signal, who knows for sure), that zeroed every time, but couldn't hit the pop-ups. Answer was provided when one of the new NCOs to the unit caught a number of them using their weapon barrels as levers to fix their cots....

Once after coming back into service after a 3 year "vacation" I forgot that my combat zero was 27right and 3 up... About 60 rounds later at the zero line I remember... Only got sharp shooter that day but hey at least I remembered. Btw I do have a stigmatism in my right eye.