While on the firing line at the range, what is the most off the wall excuse a Private has made up because they can't shoot?

The funniest was when a bad smell drifted downwind, it seems the private two lanes down crapped his pants on the first round fired.

My drill sergeant had too high of an expectation of me because I was from NYC. I hit 22/40 more than a few times. My excuse: My weapon wasn't zeroed. It's the truth because my rounds always went high and I could not hit anything beyond 250 meters with an M-16. Glasses didn't help, either. I was better known for headshots than hitting center mass, anyway!

I usually do quite well on the M16/M4, but I have to admit that getting a steady hold with body armor on is challenging. I've heard no one adequately address this in training.

Actually, the best excuse I ever heard was from a "former" Marine. For some reason, most of the "non-shooters" I have ever tried to mentor have been former Marines. Maybe that is why they were "former" Marines.

Anyway, after several hours of mentoring; going through... I don't know how many rounds of ammo and multiple tutors, the young Soldier (and "former" Marine) said...
"... Do I have to use BOTH sights at the SAME TIME?" (By this, he meant both the front and rear sights). "Yes", I replied, "I don't know how they taught you to shoot in the Marine Corps but in the ARMY, you have to use both sights... at the SAME TIME. It's just the way it is."

1SG Chris Maes

Had a SGT tell me he couldn't zero because he wasn't used to shooting with teeth.... he had just gotten a full set of dentures a week prior.

well, I just got off the M4 range the other day, and I kept hearing the same reasons... Inexperience on that particular weapon system; weapon not zero'd (because we were rushed off the range) not enough training... For me it was more than just that. I can't control the M4 like I could the M16.

So, there I was at LOMAH and a Soldier said "I think my zero is off". Took the rifle, got an excellent shooting prone position, notified the Soldier to watch the screen. After completed in firing off a couple rounds, I asked the Soldier "what did they see?". The replied, "Nothing much, but a smiley face on the target". It's you, you are the problem, the rifle is just fine "Carry on".

"Sir, these bullets don't fly straight. "

M-16 range on Ft Drum. Had a PFC tell me the wind was blowing his targets down before he could fire at them. The SPC on the lane next to him shot a 0/40 but swore he hit every target. Watch YOUR lane

In the early 1950s, qualified with M1 with iron sights. First high powered rifle I'd ever shot. Thought I'd died and went to heaven. Except for being antsy about getting thumb out reloading clip loved that rifle. Was amazed how accurate it was at the distance. The .45 semi was something else. I complained to the instructor that I could shoot better if I wasn't shooting square bullets. All the holes in target were square. I heard him remark to another instructor, "Are you the one that's been loading the square ammo?" They had their own private laugh about that.