Posted on Oct 22, 2014
Why do spouses insist on wearing uniform items that they didn't earn? Better yet, why are the military members letting them?
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If I see another spouse half naked in either military blouse or draped in flag, I might loose it. And then claim 'I serve to'. NO. YOU DON'T. 'Toughest job in ___(insert branch here)' I'm a military spouse and I am a Marine, and once I'm off contract, I will not be saying that we serve together while he's gone. I run the home. So do you. Period. Self-entitled lazy .......
Spouses
Uniforms
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 144
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SrA Lynn Lent
I had a dependent get on me when I was working the gate at Fairchild after just getting back from a deployment for not saluting his son because his wife was an officer. I explained to him that I wasn't required to salute since the spouse was not in the vehicle. I ended saluting any ways for the kid. It's sad how entitled some spouse's feel.
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SMSgt (Join to see)
Should have called your Flight Chief out and got the officers contact info. I would have gave the name to the Commander to give to the Group Commander at the weekly Staff Meeting. I guarantee that would have been the last complaint that you would have gotten from any officer needing to have their spouse or family members saluted.
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PO3 Stephanie Matlock
Well I am a Navy Disabled Veteran and my boyfriend is a Marine Disabled Veteran and for V-Day I do plan on wearing his Marine jacket and Cover for a photo shoot and dog tags and nothing else. Of course the pictures are for him so I thought it would be a great idea! That is my personal preference. I do believe the "spouses" serve along side their service men/women but are not "entitled" to feel that they should be treated as a service memeber
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Sgt Sasha Cruz It looks like you were more interested in excoriating these spouses for their behavior than in finding out why they act the way they do. Your original question really hasn't gotten much attention on this discussion, so I'll take a shot at it. First, a disclaimer, my wife doesn't wear Marine Corps gear (with the rare exception of the fleece when we're camping-or a sweatshirt at home), nor does she have any of those silly bumper-stickers or moto shirts etc. and those things irritate us also.
That being said: the reason these significant others likely behave the way they do is out of a sense of vulnerability and a lack of confidence. They feel like their relationship is in danger (statistically it often is-usually due to choices of one partner or another-but sometimes just due to the possibility of traumatic loss) and seek the social payoff of attention, sympathy, and respect to compensate them for it.
The same regime exists for those of us actually in the military. We have very hard lives, we risk much, and we have intangible rewards of respect and adulation heaped on us by the public at large to recompense us for it above and beyond our monetary pay. While their risk, and their sacrifice may or may not equal ours, surely it is greater than that of a spouse married to someone in most any other industry.
I would argue that "boot spouses" act a lot like "boot Marines." They bluster and brag, they wear their statuses on their sleeves (not just in uniform) they seek the public admiration and adulation, and they do it gratingly. More senior and experienced spouses, just like more senior and experienced Marines and leaders have grown into their life and their leadership roles. They have learned how to console grieving widows, and how to advise friends dealing with infidelity (one way or another). They've learned how the deployment cycle, loss, longing, and re-integration go. And as they learn they become publicly quieter, calmer, stronger.
Not all Marines are strong, quiet professionals, but we surely hope as they develop they become such. The same applies to spouses.
You are in a unique position, having experienced both sides of this coin to compare and contrast, if you choose to do so thoughtfully. I challenge you especially (but also Sgt (Join to see) and all Marine NCO's) to approach it that way, and to leave the mockery and bitterness to those with less experience and leadership potential. A very good book that talks on the topic of the strength required by a military spouse is Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield (https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-is-the-best-professional-military-fiction)
We all like to have a little laugh at those less experienced than us when they act silly (http://terminallance.com/2010/02/26/terminal-lance-16-lol-boots/). But then it is our duty to develop and mentor them.
That being said: the reason these significant others likely behave the way they do is out of a sense of vulnerability and a lack of confidence. They feel like their relationship is in danger (statistically it often is-usually due to choices of one partner or another-but sometimes just due to the possibility of traumatic loss) and seek the social payoff of attention, sympathy, and respect to compensate them for it.
The same regime exists for those of us actually in the military. We have very hard lives, we risk much, and we have intangible rewards of respect and adulation heaped on us by the public at large to recompense us for it above and beyond our monetary pay. While their risk, and their sacrifice may or may not equal ours, surely it is greater than that of a spouse married to someone in most any other industry.
I would argue that "boot spouses" act a lot like "boot Marines." They bluster and brag, they wear their statuses on their sleeves (not just in uniform) they seek the public admiration and adulation, and they do it gratingly. More senior and experienced spouses, just like more senior and experienced Marines and leaders have grown into their life and their leadership roles. They have learned how to console grieving widows, and how to advise friends dealing with infidelity (one way or another). They've learned how the deployment cycle, loss, longing, and re-integration go. And as they learn they become publicly quieter, calmer, stronger.
Not all Marines are strong, quiet professionals, but we surely hope as they develop they become such. The same applies to spouses.
You are in a unique position, having experienced both sides of this coin to compare and contrast, if you choose to do so thoughtfully. I challenge you especially (but also Sgt (Join to see) and all Marine NCO's) to approach it that way, and to leave the mockery and bitterness to those with less experience and leadership potential. A very good book that talks on the topic of the strength required by a military spouse is Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield (https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/what-is-the-best-professional-military-fiction)
We all like to have a little laugh at those less experienced than us when they act silly (http://terminallance.com/2010/02/26/terminal-lance-16-lol-boots/). But then it is our duty to develop and mentor them.
What is the best professional military fiction? | RallyPoint
Of the options offered? Warning: mentioning the movies without having read the books is a down-votable offense. Offering an alternative professional military fiction is acceptable, but six answers to a survey is not supportable.
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Sgt Joseph Brett
The reason they typically take pics is to look sexy for their husband and also it's only after they separate that these pics hit the Internet. If they are wearing it out in town then snatch her up. As far as spouses using the military members rank.. That's happened to me when I was a boot. I was walking and she actually stopped to ask me why I didn't salute her. I said oh didn't know you were an officer. She said well my husband is a capt. So now you know for next time. and even then I looked at her and laughed and told her to have her husband njp me
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SFC Jim Ruether
Sgt Joseph Brett - Good for you. In that case that Capt. should be counseled. It's always correct to extend a greeting of the day to a military spouse but saluting one is way out of line.
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How else are privates going to get any?
It's like having your girlfriend wear your dog tags (flopping out for all to see) when you are dating.
It's all hilarious to me.
It's like having your girlfriend wear your dog tags (flopping out for all to see) when you are dating.
It's all hilarious to me.
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PO3 Stephanie Matlock
Well back when I was in (1990's) the guys I knew while in the Navy would do the same stupid crap and you are NOT supposed to give your dog tags to someone!
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SGT Jonathan-Nicole Harrison
It's hard work for ANY wife with kids and house work....providing that they are doing that and not hoin' around at the local pub.
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As a former Army spouse and Army vet, I would never presume to take on my former spouse's rank. He earned that not me. I wear the grey Army PT tshirts for working out, but that is it. I feel since I served I can wear the tshirt. I would NEVER make a purse out of ACUs or BDUs or dye any camo pink for the love of God. That's horrible fashion taste and would so clash with my Coach purse!
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PV2 Abbott Shaull
Now let's look at the other side of the coin, if the Military wants to enforce the dress code upon Military spouses and dependents, then wouldn't their point have some validations? Not stirring the pot, pointing out the logical conclusion of their argument. You can't fight stupidity with Regulation, Rules, and Common Senses. Sometimes you have to realize that no matter how Right you are, they have made up their mind that they are Right, and you will be Wrong. Due to the fact, that we signed a contract to work less than the Min. Wage, they think we are little slow, and don't know what we are talking about. So you need to slow down, and communicate in small words. Then other just don't give a rip, if they are causing their spouse/significant other lot of grief, all they care about is their happiness, and if the other is miserable, the better. Understanding the Human mind is such a waste of time, because once you think you have an general understanding, someone comes along, and throws all the hard work out the window.
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SGT Richard Souza
Like you I wear my old PT shirts and jacket to the gym to work out, but I have no desire to wear my spouse's uniform or rank. I'll gladly use my old book covers and other equipment with my rank. but I earned that rank and led Soldiers with it. Now that I'm out, it is time for me to fade to the background in terms of the military and build my name again in my new career. On habit I haven't been able to break yet is correcting Soldiers when I'm at the Exchange or Commissary...
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SSG Warren Swan
I know this is a but old to respond to, but damn, if you're going to vote someone down, grab your balls (unless the wife it Trump too em), and say what was on your mind to give someone a down vote with no explanation. SSG Erzah Brown.
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If it is the "moto" gear sold at the MCSS, I really don't care. My wife has held me up for 14 years of my 16 years. actual uniform items/rank that is a no go. Then again my wife would never do that in the first place. She is proud of the Air Force, she is proud of my service, she is proud to support me (and push me), but doesn't take it as "her own" the way I have seen some spouses (male and female) do.
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Sgt Sasha Cruz
If it's sold at MCSS, it just that. But those that ask for uniforms so they can cut them and make purses or wreaths. That's just a no.
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Sgt (Join to see)
BUY A ROLL, Sgt Sasha Cruz! Cammies didn't magically appear, they were sewn. There's material available for sale (with and without the EGA on it, the one with EGA can only be purchased by a person or person's acting as a representative of the Marine Corps for official use only)
Though why you would make an ugly MARPAT purse is beyond me. There's material that would look a trillion times better and more sturdy. MARPAT seat covers on the other hand...with your name stenciled on them...mmm
Though why you would make an ugly MARPAT purse is beyond me. There's material that would look a trillion times better and more sturdy. MARPAT seat covers on the other hand...with your name stenciled on them...mmm
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SSgt Thomas Crosser Jr.
While my wife would never wear my rank, she does wear some of my old t's and a Marines Sweatshirt of mine. When I deployed with the AF Reserves after 9/11, she wore a small Security Forces Shield on a yellow ribbon on her her shirt. Hell, my mom wore Marine stuff when I was a young grunt. It is called support, love, respect, pride, etc. etc.. Hell, if she wanted to make a purse or bag out of an old pair of cammies or some desert BDU's, who cares? Now, the whole "I am MRS. COLONEL" BS, is just that, BS, but that is not the spouses fault as much as it is the good ol' Colonel himself, who lets his wife get away with that shit. As far as saluting an unaccompanied female, yep I have done it. Many times. Back in the day of Blue and Red Base stickers and 0% ID checks, you saluted the sticker and did not too much care about interrogating the driver. Big deal, you saluted a O's wife, who cared? I cannot count the number of Navy Chiefs I saluted as a young Marine (when in doubt, throw it out). As far as the Flag goes, I guess it would depend on the individual situation, we dont seem to get pissy when an Olympian drapes one on their shoulders. The whole nekid pics with the hubby's blouse or BDU top on, hey, wives have been taking risque photo's for their men, in their mans shirts or clothing articles probably since the invention of the portable camera. For private viewing, I dont give a shit. The photo above with the pregnant spouse, not my thing, but I dont know if I would have chewed a kids ass for it. Too much other shit wrong with today's mil to get upset about this crap.
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PO2 Tara Febuary
Totally with you on this one. Can't see what the big damn deal is. So, some spouses are taking sexy pics for their men in some uniform items or covered in a flag. Whatever. It SHOULD be for private purposes, but some people are stupid. I have done photo shoots with for other people where they used them for maternity shoots. It's their business. I don't know any spouses that claim their husband's rank, though. I would be the first to put them in their place. I don't carry my husband's rank. I earned my own.
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Generally, I think any show of support for our troops, and those that make our service possible is a good thing. It may have been decades ago, but there was a time when service was not necessarily appreciated by the general public. I appreciate the support I've received from my family, and I apprecaite that my children have had to change schools and friends without complaint. I don't get my nose out of joint if they're proud of me, my service, and their indirect support of the US military.
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Sgt Sasha Cruz
I appreciate the support, but there's a fine line when they start demanding to be saluted or that lower rank military members or their spouses stand at parade rest to talk to them.
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Lt Col (Join to see)
In my experience, those events have been few & far between. I'd rather not judge the overwhelming majority of our amazing support system, by the few that don't have the insight to act appropriately.
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I agree. I can't stand to see a wife flaunt their husbands service. I can't stand that stupid wanna be sexy horse ****. I found this nugget of joy just googling. It is wrong on so many levels. If that was one of my joes I would have counseled both of them. It looks horrible and why would you show off your nude pregnant wife? What does the AF have to do with anything about it. I have taken photos before. I have never taken a professional photo in ACUs. It is not professional to start off. A dress uniform is what should be worn. i hope you enjoy this photo.
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PO3 Stephanie Matlock
The couple in the pix did put it out there. It was copied and pasted here. They did however probably give permission to the photographer to use it. I don't judge others but the topic was about opinions and yes we all have them. I agree!
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SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth
SMSgt Minister Gerald A. "Doc" Thomas - the only piece of military wear my wife put on was a Woodland BDU cap, no rank on it, and that as the only thing from the military she wore.
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My wife is prior service, and she has an ACU print purse. I don't see anything wrong with that though.
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SGT Junior Mamea
Let's not waste time to address Sgt Cruz ludicrous of a claim. You're a spouse and a marine, well, get over it. When spouses allude to harder jobs, they're referring to raising kids by themselves. They're talking about time management so the family doesn't fall in to shambles. They're referring to countless hours of being in the dark on what is going on around their significant others. They're worried because unlike some who always are on base, their loved ones are constantly on the road with recons, collections, supply runs, transportation, escorts and so forth. I will be the first one to stand up against those using the military for their personal gain... Service Members included. But I refuse to to let an ignorant fool like you who've never been deployed once to speak on subjects you know nothing about. For those who've been demoted will tell you, the sacrifice doesn't start when you deoy. It started way before that with all the training and gunnery. I can tell you to add 6 months to any deployment time due to training after and all the hoopla people go to. So stop because for all of us who's spouses are veterans also, you're lack of professionalism is obviously due to your lack of experience at being in this PROFESSION.
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PFC Rachel Fillio-Castillo
I think it's not just the material, it's the rank they put on those purses....and carry them as if they earned that rank. How do people in the military (any branch) feel about people wearing say, a Ranger tab THEY DIDN'T EARN? They go ballistic. You don't have to have been deployed to earn the right to have pride in what they achieved, and have earned the right to wear. It has NOTHING to do with deployment. Wives are civilians, carrying around and wearing rank they didn't earn. It just shouldn't be done. I just find it odd that you're defending these wives and their sacrifices, but dogging Sgt Cruz because she hasn't been deployed (so you apparently don't think she knows what she's talking about.....what?) Plus, I'm not just offended as a former soldier, I'm offended as a person who has eyeballs. Those ACU purses lined in pink are quite possibly the ugliest things ever.
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LT Eva Aguilar
I I am in the process of making myself a purse from my old uniforms for the sole purpose of being identified as a veteran. Yes I have Gulf War Veteran ball caps but they look stupid on me! Everywhere I go I see mail veterans wearing baseball caps the black leather vest with their logos and patches and I have nothing really to wear the vest looks stupid on women. So I am making a purses out of old chocolate chip camo uniforms. I'm tired of not being identified as a veteran when I go out to eat with my friend who always wears his Purple Heart hats World War II caps he's always thanked for his service and then he has to tell people she's a veteran too! I was amazed at how many purses and jewelry and things are available for the wives or girlfriends of service members but very little for female veterans. I went to William Beaumont for a test and at the coffee shop they have people selling stuff so I saw a pink hat with the navy insignia reached up to try it on and put it back because it said navy wife made me mad they didn't have navy veteran .
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PV2 (Join to see)
SGT Junior Mamea - I voted you down due to the name calling. Name calling to Sgt Sasha Cruz is uncalled for. Others on here have disagreed with Sgt Cruz without calling her names. As an admin on RP, this is a friendly warning.
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I would imagine it is "immense pride' that makes spouses want to wear militaria. I am certainly okay if my wife wants to slip into my blouse...she deserves to feel a little pride.
Imagine this...your spouse goes through life seeing you respected, and thanked for your military service, all the while, the spouse gets little recognition, that would get old.
I think a little wearing of paraphernalia is totally appropriate. I'm not sure why you let it get to you.
Marines are a different breed, and we do take serious pride in who is called a Marine, and who is not.
However, a spouse deserves a little recognition, if my spouse wants to play around the house in just my top...I'm totally down. I wouldn't let her wear it out in town with fish-net stocking, although, that might be hot, and some day I may have to ask her to try that. Until then Sgt, chill, and let the spouse bathe in the glory of wearing the uniform, even if it is just for a few minutes.
Imagine this...your spouse goes through life seeing you respected, and thanked for your military service, all the while, the spouse gets little recognition, that would get old.
I think a little wearing of paraphernalia is totally appropriate. I'm not sure why you let it get to you.
Marines are a different breed, and we do take serious pride in who is called a Marine, and who is not.
However, a spouse deserves a little recognition, if my spouse wants to play around the house in just my top...I'm totally down. I wouldn't let her wear it out in town with fish-net stocking, although, that might be hot, and some day I may have to ask her to try that. Until then Sgt, chill, and let the spouse bathe in the glory of wearing the uniform, even if it is just for a few minutes.
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SSG Peter Muse
Great comment SSG LoGiuduce; that is your maturity talking. Spouses who stick it out deserve some recognition, male or female. It's not easy dragging them from one place to another only to leave them alone with the weight on their shoulders while the military member is on deployment. There is a real flip side to that coin that a only seasoned spouses have a right to tell.
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TSgt Gerald Wilson
Well said gentlemen. The "seasoned spouse" deserves much and receives little. Said spouse taking "immense pride" in this thing after a hundred missed holidays, solo parenting and all the rest of it year after year is, simply, an honor. All the more when she's there to hear the retirement order read. Happy new year to you and yours.
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SSG(P) (Join to see)
I'm assuming that is a deeply sarcastic comment...I find the OP opinion rude and immaturre.
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