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22: That is the number of veterans that END their lives every day. That is 8,030 veterans that are no longer with us come December 31, 2014. Too many veterans are dying each year and we need to do better as a nation to battle this statistic. I, for one, almost became part of that statistic last year. I was lucky my wife somehow figured out something was not right because the VA did not help me. Instead, they kept me on a zip-lock bag of medications that I told them made me feel numb and zombie-like. The medications were the reason I was ready to take my own life. They said my medications were not the problem, I just needed to get used to the “new me”. I almost accepted their reasoning, and it would have killed me if I did.
The big problem is the stigma that goes with mental health problems. I just heard someone say the other day, “people who commit or attempt suicide are some of the weakest people.” No, we are not. Some of us have been in dark places for years and ultimately see no light at the end of the tunnel. We think the only way to feel better and alleviate the burden on our families is to end our own lives. In my mind, the stigma won’t ever leave until the whole country is educated about the mindsets of suicidal people.
We need to be more proactive in our treatments of depression and mental sickness. We need to be educated on the side effects of the medicines prescribed to us. I was guilty of taking whatever the VA prescribed me without question. It seemed like for the first 2 months, every time I turned around, more medications kept being added to battle the side effects of another. Or they would ask, “Are you still angry?” and I would say yes, so they would keep upping the dosage.
I ask you all to be a good friend and look for the red flags. If you wondering what some red flags may be, I would say listen to “Red Flags” by Soldier Hard. It is a great song that will educate those who don’t really know what to look for. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friend if he looks like he needs help – realize that a veteran who seems like he is going to hurt himself, wants and needs help whether or not he admits it. I can tell you I was afraid to admit I needed help because I felt it made me look weak.
From my personal experience, I felt lost in life because after retirement, I felt like I lost who I was. To me, I was BU2(SCW) Ferretti - Navy Seabee. I did not know how to be Corey Ferretti as a civilian. I also felt like I lost my mission in life and I could not easily get hired. When I finally did get hired, I had troubles adjusting to working there since it was so different than everything I knew. They were great employers, but I just walked out because I could not deal with my own life. I think if more veterans knew to focus on finding a new mission in life once they got out, it would help them so much. There are many veteran-focused groups out there, like Team Rubicon for example, who provide disaster relief. Find something that you love and find a way to make it your work. For me, horses saved my life. I am now apprenticing as a Farrier - I have a lot to learn, but I get to work with horses every day and they are my therapy.
I’m sure there are others on RallyPoint who wouldn’t mind sharing their stories in order to help those who might be in a bad place but don’t want to bring it up. If you’re in a bad place, I would be happy to talk more about my story if you have any questions. A question to other veterans: how have you found your new “life mission” after leaving service?
The big problem is the stigma that goes with mental health problems. I just heard someone say the other day, “people who commit or attempt suicide are some of the weakest people.” No, we are not. Some of us have been in dark places for years and ultimately see no light at the end of the tunnel. We think the only way to feel better and alleviate the burden on our families is to end our own lives. In my mind, the stigma won’t ever leave until the whole country is educated about the mindsets of suicidal people.
We need to be more proactive in our treatments of depression and mental sickness. We need to be educated on the side effects of the medicines prescribed to us. I was guilty of taking whatever the VA prescribed me without question. It seemed like for the first 2 months, every time I turned around, more medications kept being added to battle the side effects of another. Or they would ask, “Are you still angry?” and I would say yes, so they would keep upping the dosage.
I ask you all to be a good friend and look for the red flags. If you wondering what some red flags may be, I would say listen to “Red Flags” by Soldier Hard. It is a great song that will educate those who don’t really know what to look for. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friend if he looks like he needs help – realize that a veteran who seems like he is going to hurt himself, wants and needs help whether or not he admits it. I can tell you I was afraid to admit I needed help because I felt it made me look weak.
From my personal experience, I felt lost in life because after retirement, I felt like I lost who I was. To me, I was BU2(SCW) Ferretti - Navy Seabee. I did not know how to be Corey Ferretti as a civilian. I also felt like I lost my mission in life and I could not easily get hired. When I finally did get hired, I had troubles adjusting to working there since it was so different than everything I knew. They were great employers, but I just walked out because I could not deal with my own life. I think if more veterans knew to focus on finding a new mission in life once they got out, it would help them so much. There are many veteran-focused groups out there, like Team Rubicon for example, who provide disaster relief. Find something that you love and find a way to make it your work. For me, horses saved my life. I am now apprenticing as a Farrier - I have a lot to learn, but I get to work with horses every day and they are my therapy.
I’m sure there are others on RallyPoint who wouldn’t mind sharing their stories in order to help those who might be in a bad place but don’t want to bring it up. If you’re in a bad place, I would be happy to talk more about my story if you have any questions. A question to other veterans: how have you found your new “life mission” after leaving service?
Suicide
Health
Depression
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 71
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Suicide is a problem for those who serve and served in the Armed Forces It gets worse around the holidays. Why, the feelings of being alone and depressions are amplified by the cheer and happiness of others. I have pondered this subject and jotted down some thoughts from thoughts and stories shared with me over time. If you see a brother or sister in arms who look like they are in distress. Don't ignore them give them a hug and tell them they are never really alone and there are others out there who feel the same way and people who want to help.
This short story is entitled "Will Any One Miss Me"
Two year ago, every day I would fall into formation with my brothers and sisters in arms, we would joke and smoke together. During those days I was never alone, everyone watched out for each other. We fought together not because we had to we did it for the person to the left and to the right. We gave our all for each other; sometimes we gave the ultimate sacrifice for each other. We were never going to let one of our own die alone.
In combat we fought together, slept together and sometimes cried together. I was never alone; there was always someone to my right or to my left. I could count on that person to cover my ass. I would give my life for those I shared those moments with. I would give my life for one of them and they would do the same for me. If I were to die on the battlefield, I would be missed by my brothers and sisters in arms.
Today, I am alone all the time, there is no one in the foxhole next to me, no one to my right, no one to my left. There is no one out there who would die for me. My family doesn’t understand me, the doctors tell me I am depressed and I suffer from PTSD. They prescribe me medication and I go to group with others and share my experiences, not the good, only the bad.
Yet, it is just the lonely feeling I have and no one to share it with. Is there no one out there who would cry for me if I were to die today? Yes, I have a family. They do not understand why I miss being in uniform, why I miss the comradery of combat and being in the Armed Service. If I were to die today is there anyone out there who would miss me.
Yes, I am alone, there are days I sit and remember my Squad Leader, my older brother. I look to the sky for advice from my Platoon Sergeant, my father. I await the motivational speech from the” Old Man” as he was affectionately call, my Commander. The words never come they just ring in my head in dreams of days gone by and places with names I cannot pronounce.
If I were to take my life today, would anyone miss me or would I become another statistic for the Veterans Administration to quote. Will I be laid to rest in a grave where I will never be alone? Will I again be with my brothers and sisters In Arms laughing and joking in an eternal formation? Will I be laid to rest in uniform again, with someone to my left and someone to my right? I want to be laid to rest in Arlington. If not there, then lay me to rest in another military cemetery where I will never be alone again. I want to feel at home again with my brothers and sisters in eternal formation at rest, yet never alone and never missed.
This short story is entitled "Will Any One Miss Me"
Two year ago, every day I would fall into formation with my brothers and sisters in arms, we would joke and smoke together. During those days I was never alone, everyone watched out for each other. We fought together not because we had to we did it for the person to the left and to the right. We gave our all for each other; sometimes we gave the ultimate sacrifice for each other. We were never going to let one of our own die alone.
In combat we fought together, slept together and sometimes cried together. I was never alone; there was always someone to my right or to my left. I could count on that person to cover my ass. I would give my life for those I shared those moments with. I would give my life for one of them and they would do the same for me. If I were to die on the battlefield, I would be missed by my brothers and sisters in arms.
Today, I am alone all the time, there is no one in the foxhole next to me, no one to my right, no one to my left. There is no one out there who would die for me. My family doesn’t understand me, the doctors tell me I am depressed and I suffer from PTSD. They prescribe me medication and I go to group with others and share my experiences, not the good, only the bad.
Yet, it is just the lonely feeling I have and no one to share it with. Is there no one out there who would cry for me if I were to die today? Yes, I have a family. They do not understand why I miss being in uniform, why I miss the comradery of combat and being in the Armed Service. If I were to die today is there anyone out there who would miss me.
Yes, I am alone, there are days I sit and remember my Squad Leader, my older brother. I look to the sky for advice from my Platoon Sergeant, my father. I await the motivational speech from the” Old Man” as he was affectionately call, my Commander. The words never come they just ring in my head in dreams of days gone by and places with names I cannot pronounce.
If I were to take my life today, would anyone miss me or would I become another statistic for the Veterans Administration to quote. Will I be laid to rest in a grave where I will never be alone? Will I again be with my brothers and sisters In Arms laughing and joking in an eternal formation? Will I be laid to rest in uniform again, with someone to my left and someone to my right? I want to be laid to rest in Arlington. If not there, then lay me to rest in another military cemetery where I will never be alone again. I want to feel at home again with my brothers and sisters in eternal formation at rest, yet never alone and never missed.
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Thank you for sharing your post and thank you for taking the time to read my post. And that was a great short story.
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I'm sort of a big advocate for transparency and support on veterans issues. I support several initiatives that try to address issues like suicide among veterans and troops, for example. So the more I think about how badly a single senator has screwed us over on a suicide prevention bill, the angrier I get. It feels like heartbreak. I assume we all know what that feels like.
I'm going to say something, make a sincere gesture, that I hope will resonate within this community, that I hope will make the rounds and inspire others to do the same. All of us have served (as far as I know). Many of us have served in OEF and/or OIF. Many of us could potentially be a statistic. And this is not okay -- it doesn't sit well with me, but that's how life is.
If any of you -- ANY of you, no matter how old, what gender, what branch, what war, what rank -- are ever getting close to the edge and you need to talk to someone... particularly those of you who secretly fear that your career will be affected... if you guys need to talk to someone, REACH OUT. You can call me any time of day or night, and I'll stay on the phone with you and we can talk it out. My hand is extended for any of you. All you need to do is send me a message and I'll give you my phone number.
I'm going to say something, make a sincere gesture, that I hope will resonate within this community, that I hope will make the rounds and inspire others to do the same. All of us have served (as far as I know). Many of us have served in OEF and/or OIF. Many of us could potentially be a statistic. And this is not okay -- it doesn't sit well with me, but that's how life is.
If any of you -- ANY of you, no matter how old, what gender, what branch, what war, what rank -- are ever getting close to the edge and you need to talk to someone... particularly those of you who secretly fear that your career will be affected... if you guys need to talk to someone, REACH OUT. You can call me any time of day or night, and I'll stay on the phone with you and we can talk it out. My hand is extended for any of you. All you need to do is send me a message and I'll give you my phone number.
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I fully support Team Rubicon as a vehicle for veterans to find that connection. That connection helps move away from that suicide danger zone.
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Yes from what i have seen and looked up they are that is why listed them so i am hopping that once i am done with my apprenticeship i can join them on disaster relief. Thank you LTC Benjamin Gonzalez for your input sorry i did not respond right away i have gotten busy with at work.
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Stories like yours will help end the stigma of mental health problems, but for most of society, until it directs effects them, they will carry the same view. How sad it is. Those of us who serve (or have served) understand that when you are talking about 13% of the population, 22 a day is a pretty big deal. Going through the MEB right now, mental health doctors who evaluate you are now using a different diagnosis instead of PTSD, they are using 'Major depressive disorder, recurrent, mild to moderate with anxious distress'. They switch out 'mild to moderate' to adjust to whatever severity required. See what they did there? I think during our annual training, instead of a suicide power point, bring in real survivors and make it a forum based discussion. Actually talk to those who have been down that dark road and (thank God) made it out the other side.
Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you continue to get better and find your reason to say hello to the sun each day! God Bless you brother!
Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you continue to get better and find your reason to say hello to the sun each day! God Bless you brother!
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Thank you SPC(P) Jay Heenan for reading my post and your reply. That is crazy that instead of PTSD they have it as Major Depressive disorder, recurrent, mild to moderate wiht anxious distress" has the military gone away from PTSD? You are right i think Sudicide brief would go better if they did you survivors or family and friend of those that have taken there life. Because untill it hits close most people don't understand what it is like. Thank you for your kind closing i do on my bad day i force myself to find the good from the day. Because when i get hit with negative i can get stuck hard.
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I am always looking for people who have broken hearts and minds stuck in the darkness of hell. If they are willing try, I have a gift to give them and that is hope. Hope is a requisite to healing.
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I have had 3 suicide attempts in my life. I was almost a statistic.
If I may give an opinion from a person who has been and still struggles with depression on a daily basis. Here's what I think:
Losing Purpose, losing yourself to your thoughts of what could have been, or what was. The feeling of waking up alone, and no one will ever be able to understand where we have been and to understand where we are coming from. When we come home and are finally "free" at first it's nice because we no longer have the stress and responsibilities to deal with. However, those stresses and responsibilities were keeping us together because they gave us something to work for and towards.
This is exactly what Expedition You Are Not Alone wants to focus on. We want to be the inspiration that even after service you can still build true, lasting, and meaningful relationships even with non service members. That you can find purpose and drive with another aspect of human behavior. Mine was adventure Education and Wilderness Leadership. Each Veteran who feels lost and useless is not, they just can't let go of what the Service did for them in terms of Structure, Discipline, and Job Satisfaction.
One of the Vets in the video said "Why couldn't I be that Vet that came home and unaffected." The truth is that everyone is affected, just in different ways. That affect could be no affect in the present moment, but decades down the road those thoughts and memories of was great, terrible, hard, intense, fun, scary will come back to mind.
Not being able to get away from the thoughts of loss, pain, suffering and stress are also factors that affect Veterans and their well being. Many of the individuals I met while in a Psychiatric Ward of the VA told me that they want to kill themselves to kill their thoughts. A lot them can't find any other source of escape from their memories and the only option is Death. The physical death is just a by product of the mental release that they are searching for. If we look at the number of Veterans who want to find peace, but can't you would find the same number in a obituary as a result of Suicide.
One of the biggest statements I hear out of people is "Talk to someone" Who the hell am I going to talk to? Someone who is trying to make me see the positive. I don't want to see the positive, I want to see the truth. Being positive and being realistic are two different things. While having a positive outlook can give perspective, it also gives a sense of ignorance. Not everyone is OK, not every Vet is Fine and just "going through" something. This is real pain, that if not dealt with will have very real and depressing consequences.
Talking doesn't help, taking action helps. Knowing that there is someone just like you who hurts just as much, and they won't leave your side helps. Finding purpose outside of the Military, and finding your Civilian equivalent in yourself helps. The hardest part is unlocking that behavior. How do you tell someone that they are destined for greatness when they believe they are worthless and purposeless? The answer is that you DON'T TELL THEM!!! YOU SHOW THEM!!!
The one thing I learned in the Navy was to never quit, and yet that's what we who hurt feel like doing every day, and the feeling of knowing you quit when you're not suppose to quit drives one further into insanity and the downward spiral continues to get worse and worse until there's a breaking point. The real solution is what will that breaking point be? Death/ Suicide, or an in depth, inward reflection of who one is as a person, and adjusting accordingly? Do we quit because we're tired or do we just give our bodies and mind a break by focusing on the present moment rather than a reoccurring thought that never seems to go away?
Everyone I have ever talked to about my suicide always say's "stay positive" WTF!!! are you kidding me? I can barely get out of bed on a good day and force myself to function because all I want to do is curl up into a ball and no longer exist.
The change will come when we can make the effort to let go of what was, and focus on what is. that is also a tough challenge because what is is this: A veteran who spends the day in classroom with kids who can't wipe their own ass and ask mommy and daddy for help in every step of their lives, a job that takes zero thought to complete and then you start to think to yourself: what the hell am I doing here? I went through 8 weeks of basic, and years of deployments and professional development in the military to work with these idiots? no that is not a very good present moment to come to realization to.
How do we make a change? how do we stop the self destructive behavior and turn it into something productive for everyone involved. Especially the guy who's about to jump off a bridge, or the mother of 2 who never has a gun in her hand and locked herself in the bathroom? How do you save people at the very last moment?
That's an easy one: Talk to someone who has been in your shoes. Someone who has deployed, someone who has lost comrades in combat or on deployment. Talk to someone who cares to listen because they want you to hear their story too. We need to be here for each other. Not just online and over email, but in person. Once you get someone out of the moment of desperation and little more stable, then focus on developing a perspective where are useful to their families and friends. Help them find jobs that fit their personality and provide training for those jobs. Provide resources that go beyond formal education, and into trade schools and other types of education systems where Veterans can become the person they have always wanted to be with or without the Military. Provide Free non VA psychiatric help. Non Pharmaceutical based. Not every Veteran is going to React well to medications, not every person is going to like talking to a psychologist.
We need to create an individualized holistic treatment platform that can give those who hurt a chance to know what life without pain, or limited pain is like.
If I may give an opinion from a person who has been and still struggles with depression on a daily basis. Here's what I think:
Losing Purpose, losing yourself to your thoughts of what could have been, or what was. The feeling of waking up alone, and no one will ever be able to understand where we have been and to understand where we are coming from. When we come home and are finally "free" at first it's nice because we no longer have the stress and responsibilities to deal with. However, those stresses and responsibilities were keeping us together because they gave us something to work for and towards.
This is exactly what Expedition You Are Not Alone wants to focus on. We want to be the inspiration that even after service you can still build true, lasting, and meaningful relationships even with non service members. That you can find purpose and drive with another aspect of human behavior. Mine was adventure Education and Wilderness Leadership. Each Veteran who feels lost and useless is not, they just can't let go of what the Service did for them in terms of Structure, Discipline, and Job Satisfaction.
One of the Vets in the video said "Why couldn't I be that Vet that came home and unaffected." The truth is that everyone is affected, just in different ways. That affect could be no affect in the present moment, but decades down the road those thoughts and memories of was great, terrible, hard, intense, fun, scary will come back to mind.
Not being able to get away from the thoughts of loss, pain, suffering and stress are also factors that affect Veterans and their well being. Many of the individuals I met while in a Psychiatric Ward of the VA told me that they want to kill themselves to kill their thoughts. A lot them can't find any other source of escape from their memories and the only option is Death. The physical death is just a by product of the mental release that they are searching for. If we look at the number of Veterans who want to find peace, but can't you would find the same number in a obituary as a result of Suicide.
One of the biggest statements I hear out of people is "Talk to someone" Who the hell am I going to talk to? Someone who is trying to make me see the positive. I don't want to see the positive, I want to see the truth. Being positive and being realistic are two different things. While having a positive outlook can give perspective, it also gives a sense of ignorance. Not everyone is OK, not every Vet is Fine and just "going through" something. This is real pain, that if not dealt with will have very real and depressing consequences.
Talking doesn't help, taking action helps. Knowing that there is someone just like you who hurts just as much, and they won't leave your side helps. Finding purpose outside of the Military, and finding your Civilian equivalent in yourself helps. The hardest part is unlocking that behavior. How do you tell someone that they are destined for greatness when they believe they are worthless and purposeless? The answer is that you DON'T TELL THEM!!! YOU SHOW THEM!!!
The one thing I learned in the Navy was to never quit, and yet that's what we who hurt feel like doing every day, and the feeling of knowing you quit when you're not suppose to quit drives one further into insanity and the downward spiral continues to get worse and worse until there's a breaking point. The real solution is what will that breaking point be? Death/ Suicide, or an in depth, inward reflection of who one is as a person, and adjusting accordingly? Do we quit because we're tired or do we just give our bodies and mind a break by focusing on the present moment rather than a reoccurring thought that never seems to go away?
Everyone I have ever talked to about my suicide always say's "stay positive" WTF!!! are you kidding me? I can barely get out of bed on a good day and force myself to function because all I want to do is curl up into a ball and no longer exist.
The change will come when we can make the effort to let go of what was, and focus on what is. that is also a tough challenge because what is is this: A veteran who spends the day in classroom with kids who can't wipe their own ass and ask mommy and daddy for help in every step of their lives, a job that takes zero thought to complete and then you start to think to yourself: what the hell am I doing here? I went through 8 weeks of basic, and years of deployments and professional development in the military to work with these idiots? no that is not a very good present moment to come to realization to.
How do we make a change? how do we stop the self destructive behavior and turn it into something productive for everyone involved. Especially the guy who's about to jump off a bridge, or the mother of 2 who never has a gun in her hand and locked herself in the bathroom? How do you save people at the very last moment?
That's an easy one: Talk to someone who has been in your shoes. Someone who has deployed, someone who has lost comrades in combat or on deployment. Talk to someone who cares to listen because they want you to hear their story too. We need to be here for each other. Not just online and over email, but in person. Once you get someone out of the moment of desperation and little more stable, then focus on developing a perspective where are useful to their families and friends. Help them find jobs that fit their personality and provide training for those jobs. Provide resources that go beyond formal education, and into trade schools and other types of education systems where Veterans can become the person they have always wanted to be with or without the Military. Provide Free non VA psychiatric help. Non Pharmaceutical based. Not every Veteran is going to React well to medications, not every person is going to like talking to a psychologist.
We need to create an individualized holistic treatment platform that can give those who hurt a chance to know what life without pain, or limited pain is like.
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SSG(P) (Join to see)
Alex, you are a very brave man!! Think of it as a daily workout. It hurts, but when it really comes down to it, you feel good after sweating it. Keep up the good work, buddy
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Suspended Profile
Until they all come home...
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This should never happen. I pray for my fellow vets. If you see one of our brothers or sisters in need do everything in your power to get them help.
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These facts are staggering i don't know how to comprehend them. I personally had issues after my second tour of Afghanistan after being wounded on the tour. One thing i noticed was that i was scared of what people would think. I was fortunate to have a really good chain of command that was approachable who straight away noticed me and that things where going wrong and they put me into the correct care and after a period of time i was fine and still serve today. Whilst still serving it comes down to that you need to know your men as leaders and the minute that your men stop coming to you with their problems then we as leaders of men have failed them. Within civilian life I'm not too sure of what can be done but the same level of care should be afforded to veterans and serving members alike. Another comment states that one person doing this is too much and the system has failed them... outstanding comment too true.
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Glad you had a good chain of command who were able to recognize what you needed and that you can continue to serve. My pain came after I got out because I felt like I lost my purpose and what I thought was my identity.
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SGT (Join to see)
PO2 Corey Ferretti - I think that what you have just said is what happens with a lot of veterans and the fact that you are still able to talk about this so openly is a true testament to your character and resilience and you should be extremely proud and draw strength from that. Stay strong it's people like you that will help fight the statistic
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Thank you SGT (Join to see) I try to remain open with people to help change the stigma and show just because ei don't show it on the outside does not mean I'm not battling on the inside.
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It was more informative of the problems that exist, however, their paradigm was inaccurate as the Vietnam era veterans are committing suicide at about 15 per day vs 7 for the 9-11 veterans. We can't just wish away the 15 per day.
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