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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply," said someone on some cheesy Facebook post.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
Posted in these groups: Communication
Command Post
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 57
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Some people find it rather irritating but I tend to give back briefs to anyone speaking to me for more than a couple sentences. I just want to make sure I got it all. People think I wasn't listening the whole time...
...but I am, and I'm trying to make sure I understand and heard everything that came out of your mouth.
...but I am, and I'm trying to make sure I understand and heard everything that came out of your mouth.
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I can see your point, however I will ask you a question from a different perspective. As a leader in the Infantry you see and come across some wacky things, specifically privates (even "esteemed" colleagues") that really have there head fairly firmly slammed up their fourth point of contact. In certain instances one may speak to them in such a manner to show respect and get your message across clearly. This is not always the case, and a leader has to have the gumption to be gruff and show the tough love required to make an individual conform.
By no means am I condoning wanton disregard for someone individuality or "feelings" (lol) but in my profession, you have to grow a thick skin, and often that begins with a break down to build up approach. After all, if you cant handle the stress of someone being "mean" to you then how are you going to handle the stress of a kinetic attack. I understand active listening, and yes of course it has its place. During either counseling or down time I of course want to build a positive relationship with my subordinates, but when it is time to train or get sh#t done, I really don't want someones opinion or input.
I may have gone on a bit of a tangent and gotten off topic, but I have never been one to adhere to the idea that everyone is a special flower and their opinions (task or mission oriented) matter. On the flip side, when I am given instruction, or briefed on a mission/task I am listening to glean the information I need and probe for more answers. So yes, as soon as my speaker is done-if I have any interest at all that is- I am speaking and trying to get more.
As far as your quantum leap at the end is concerned, comparing a simple disagreement to being a cause to start a global war, is like comparing when you draw your weapon to when I do. All in all this was a well written narrative and I commend you for it, however IMHO it is spoken from a naive and counterproductive point of view. You are spot on in one aspect, the Army does overstate the simplest tasks and brief them to death. This tends to kill any training value that the proposed presentation could have actually had. Thank you for your post.
By no means am I condoning wanton disregard for someone individuality or "feelings" (lol) but in my profession, you have to grow a thick skin, and often that begins with a break down to build up approach. After all, if you cant handle the stress of someone being "mean" to you then how are you going to handle the stress of a kinetic attack. I understand active listening, and yes of course it has its place. During either counseling or down time I of course want to build a positive relationship with my subordinates, but when it is time to train or get sh#t done, I really don't want someones opinion or input.
I may have gone on a bit of a tangent and gotten off topic, but I have never been one to adhere to the idea that everyone is a special flower and their opinions (task or mission oriented) matter. On the flip side, when I am given instruction, or briefed on a mission/task I am listening to glean the information I need and probe for more answers. So yes, as soon as my speaker is done-if I have any interest at all that is- I am speaking and trying to get more.
As far as your quantum leap at the end is concerned, comparing a simple disagreement to being a cause to start a global war, is like comparing when you draw your weapon to when I do. All in all this was a well written narrative and I commend you for it, however IMHO it is spoken from a naive and counterproductive point of view. You are spot on in one aspect, the Army does overstate the simplest tasks and brief them to death. This tends to kill any training value that the proposed presentation could have actually had. Thank you for your post.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
SFC (Join to see)
You have to understand I am not limiting this to senior/subordinate communication and I am definitely by no means trying to give the message that we should be nice and worry about "feelings" lol. I am well aware of how infantry units work and I made a severe mistake one time by playing Captain-save-a-grunt. I witnessed a private getting smoked by two 11-B SGTs and in my natural state of compassion, I begged and pleaded (and batted my eyes) for them to leave the poor, sweet soldier alone. They complied and I left. Bless his heart, they got him later for that lol.
Anyway, I think you missed my point. My point isn't for everyone to be treated delicately. My point is for everyone in the entire world to shut up long enough to let someone else speak.
Now I will say that yes, I am guilty of being too “nice” and this summer I got lectured by an infantry 1SG who told me “ya cant go around hugging soldiers, especially my kind of soldiers.” In my defence, that SPC was sad so I thought a hug was appropriate. Lol…my bad 1SG.
You stick to killing bad guys and I'll stick to being sweet, the way God intended it to be all along.
As for my quantum leap...I'm a woman, of course it was a bit dramatic lol.
Really though, I do appreciate your feedback.
God bless all those who wear that blue cord :)
You have to understand I am not limiting this to senior/subordinate communication and I am definitely by no means trying to give the message that we should be nice and worry about "feelings" lol. I am well aware of how infantry units work and I made a severe mistake one time by playing Captain-save-a-grunt. I witnessed a private getting smoked by two 11-B SGTs and in my natural state of compassion, I begged and pleaded (and batted my eyes) for them to leave the poor, sweet soldier alone. They complied and I left. Bless his heart, they got him later for that lol.
Anyway, I think you missed my point. My point isn't for everyone to be treated delicately. My point is for everyone in the entire world to shut up long enough to let someone else speak.
Now I will say that yes, I am guilty of being too “nice” and this summer I got lectured by an infantry 1SG who told me “ya cant go around hugging soldiers, especially my kind of soldiers.” In my defence, that SPC was sad so I thought a hug was appropriate. Lol…my bad 1SG.
You stick to killing bad guys and I'll stick to being sweet, the way God intended it to be all along.
As for my quantum leap...I'm a woman, of course it was a bit dramatic lol.
Really though, I do appreciate your feedback.
God bless all those who wear that blue cord :)
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SFC (Join to see)
Maybe my tangent made it seem as if the point was missed, but I do understand what you are saying and your argument is loud and clear. Thank you for your professional response and bat away SSG Woods.
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I don't mean to be offensive, but by my observation and estimation, a good majority of the population have altogether poor listening skills. Part of good communication is giving eye contact when people are talking to you, and I know of way too many people whose eyes are not focused when they are being talked to; they are fidgeting with their gadgets, scoping out everything around them.... Not long ago, I made it up in my mind that I am going to start ending conversations prematurely if this happens to me. I find poor listeners one of the most exasperating things to have to deal with!!!
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PO1 Steven Kuhn
Along with people who prefer to attack the person instead of address the topic at hand, I agree with you @PO3 Camille Romero
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PO3 Camille Romero
PO1 Steven Kuhn:
Oh! Yes! I am not fond of being cut off or being attacked. This is a good way for a body to have what they are trying to say be taken out of context.
Oh! Yes! I am not fond of being cut off or being attacked. This is a good way for a body to have what they are trying to say be taken out of context.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
People used to pretend to be on their phones so as to not be bothered. Now people just keep talking, and could care less if you're playing with your gadget. I'm with you PO3 Camille Romero, I will just stop talking to them if they are too preoccupied with their gadget.
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SSG Jason Cherry
Personally, I find myself with wandering eyes when in conversation. Not because I am not attentive, but because I am trying to sort the information and digest it. Prolonged eye contact is not natural for me, and trying to force it takes away from my actual listening. Call me weird.
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Sgt Randy Novak
For those of you who are too young to understand. I can explain what a VCR is..... hahaha
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SSG V. Michelle Woods The two best words I learned after leaving the Army has been "YES DEAR". It works for everything.
Now the problems goes back to the schools. They teach for the tests and not for the kids to learn and express the thoughts that come up.
They should ne learning not being "TAUGHT."
Ok my 2 cents for what its worth. May I get the change back?
Now the problems goes back to the schools. They teach for the tests and not for the kids to learn and express the thoughts that come up.
They should ne learning not being "TAUGHT."
Ok my 2 cents for what its worth. May I get the change back?
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I love 5-9. I know it is something I need to work on. If I am interrupted, I feel unimportant and that my words don't hold value. I can only imagine they feel the same way. Thanks for this post!
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CW5 Sam R. Baker
ah, see someone else made the mirror crack! Appreciate the honesty SFC (Join to see), well I could have said candor and remained within the Army standard.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods ,I just got to this thread and do wish I had seen it earlier. Awesome comment, absolutely over the top! It immediately brought to mind an incident that occurred while I was attending a Civilian Leadership Course Ft. Leavenworth 6 months ago.
Our group was broken down into 4 groups of four persons to a team. The course involved both individual and group work and public speaking. At the end of each person's presentation the class was given the opportunity to provide feedback to the presenter, both positive and re-enforcement.
During the feedbacks, we had one member in the class (who happened to be in my group) who would interrupt with something to say EVERY time someone provided feedback to any other person. Our facilitators allowed this to continue thru the 1st week without saying anything.
On Monday of week 2, I had raised my hand to provide some feedback after several others had already done so. I was about halfway thru my comment when "we'll call her Mary", started to butt her two cents worth in. I stood up, and cut her off saying, "Mary, you've cut every member in this class off since day one when they've been providing feedback, it's my time to talk, without your interruption, so why don't you just shut the hell up and let me and everyone else finish, then raise your damn hand like the rest of us." I wound up with a big round of applause.
Of course, our facilitator put us on a break and gave me the curled index finger (meaning come with me) and we went into the hallway. He said, " I've been waiting all week for someone to call her on that, however, that is not quite the way I had intended or wanted it to be. Great job, however, let's not be so confrontational from now on!" I smiled and said, "No problem, I think she got the message!" He shook his head and said, "This is why I like you "old school 1SG/SGMs " in this course. You guys have a way a saying what you think and those who don't like it can kiss your ass!
For the remaining two weeks, Mary butted in only a couple times and all it took was a look directly at her from the person who was speaking and she would shut up.
I have a Director who interrupts often during briefings, especially when the Garrison Commander is present. On several ocassions, I've had to say, "Sir, if you let me finish, your question will be answered, and if not, I'll answer them at the end of the brief!" If the answer to their questions are included in the presentation, I don't answer it when they ask, and say, "you'll see the answer to your question in just a minute or in the upcoming slides.
Your commentis so on the mark....for both superiors and peers! Well said! Two thumbs up...well if I could!
Our group was broken down into 4 groups of four persons to a team. The course involved both individual and group work and public speaking. At the end of each person's presentation the class was given the opportunity to provide feedback to the presenter, both positive and re-enforcement.
During the feedbacks, we had one member in the class (who happened to be in my group) who would interrupt with something to say EVERY time someone provided feedback to any other person. Our facilitators allowed this to continue thru the 1st week without saying anything.
On Monday of week 2, I had raised my hand to provide some feedback after several others had already done so. I was about halfway thru my comment when "we'll call her Mary", started to butt her two cents worth in. I stood up, and cut her off saying, "Mary, you've cut every member in this class off since day one when they've been providing feedback, it's my time to talk, without your interruption, so why don't you just shut the hell up and let me and everyone else finish, then raise your damn hand like the rest of us." I wound up with a big round of applause.
Of course, our facilitator put us on a break and gave me the curled index finger (meaning come with me) and we went into the hallway. He said, " I've been waiting all week for someone to call her on that, however, that is not quite the way I had intended or wanted it to be. Great job, however, let's not be so confrontational from now on!" I smiled and said, "No problem, I think she got the message!" He shook his head and said, "This is why I like you "old school 1SG/SGMs " in this course. You guys have a way a saying what you think and those who don't like it can kiss your ass!
For the remaining two weeks, Mary butted in only a couple times and all it took was a look directly at her from the person who was speaking and she would shut up.
I have a Director who interrupts often during briefings, especially when the Garrison Commander is present. On several ocassions, I've had to say, "Sir, if you let me finish, your question will be answered, and if not, I'll answer them at the end of the brief!" If the answer to their questions are included in the presentation, I don't answer it when they ask, and say, "you'll see the answer to your question in just a minute or in the upcoming slides.
Your commentis so on the mark....for both superiors and peers! Well said! Two thumbs up...well if I could!
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This also carries over to conducting effective staff calls.
I have had the good fortune to see a few commanders who run concise effective staff calls where interruptions of the officer or non-com who had the floor were cut short by the commander. One battalion commander was especially noteworthy: he would not interrupt the person speaking (although astute officers did learn to watch for hand signals indicating that they were going too fast or too slow), but his follow-on questions always seemed to find either the one spot the briefer had hoped to tap-dance around or the item everybody else had zoned through. Those meetings were actually a pleasure to participate in -- in vast contrast to some staff meetings I've suffered through where nobody seemed to be in charge.
I have had the good fortune to see a few commanders who run concise effective staff calls where interruptions of the officer or non-com who had the floor were cut short by the commander. One battalion commander was especially noteworthy: he would not interrupt the person speaking (although astute officers did learn to watch for hand signals indicating that they were going too fast or too slow), but his follow-on questions always seemed to find either the one spot the briefer had hoped to tap-dance around or the item everybody else had zoned through. Those meetings were actually a pleasure to participate in -- in vast contrast to some staff meetings I've suffered through where nobody seemed to be in charge.
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SGM (Join to see)
Outstanding 1LT Clardy....more people need to learn that skill. We don't want to weigh your papers, we do want to weigh your thoughts.
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I always like to wait until the person who interrupted me finishes what they have said then I start over from the beginning. It generally works because of being interrupted very early on in the conversation.
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