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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply," said someone on some cheesy Facebook post.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
Posted in these groups: Communication
Command Post
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 57
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SSG V. Michelle Woods So you're saying you don't like being interrupted? Would that be a good summary of your rant? :-) I don't blame you - I don't like it either (my ASU does it all the time, and it drives me nuts!). A major part of communication is listening, but beyond that it goes to listening, receiving the message, and providing some feedback to show you received and understood the message that was sent. You can't do that if all you are doing is thinking of what you're going to say next. So you do raise some very good points.
The feedback loop is how a speaker knows someone received her or his message correctly. Otherwise, the speaker doesn't know if anyone "got it" or not. I believe that's the most critical part of the entire communication process, and it it isn't happening, some part of the loop is broken and it needs to be fixed.
The feedback loop is how a speaker knows someone received her or his message correctly. Otherwise, the speaker doesn't know if anyone "got it" or not. I believe that's the most critical part of the entire communication process, and it it isn't happening, some part of the loop is broken and it needs to be fixed.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
I don't like for anyone to be interrupted! But especially me! Lol j/k SGM (Join to see), but really though, you said it perfectly.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods and 1SG Jim Wedding,
Well said!
SFC Joseph M. Finck USA (Ret)
Well said!
SFC Joseph M. Finck USA (Ret)
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LMAO!!! This is so true. If I'm talking to someone and they interupt, I usually walk away if possible. I don't listen to what they interupted me with nor do I finish what I was saying if they ask me to finish. I really pisses them off when someone else interupts but they stop to listen to then and try to go back. If one does it alot, I just don't talk with them anymore.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Sgt Packy Flickinger lol I tend to just stop talking entirely once they interrupt me for about the 7th time in a row. It's obvious to me at that point that the conversation isn't between two people. I think it's hilarious you just walk away haha!
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Cpl David Schaffer
Well since this has turned into a discussion about your beard. Semper Fi, my bearded Brother!
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SPC Judy P.
Love beards.. My husband (RIP) Army Spec Ops and he had a grand beard.. Although the only down side.. he would go through the Main gate at the base and EVERYDAY get stopped and searched.. ( they thought he was looking too much like a Terrorist ) Ended up having to go all the way up to CSM of the BASE to get it to stop. He served 20 yr Army .. ( but even when he was deployed to Saudi in the early 90's he was approached by the natives and did not understand what they were saying ) I like the facial hair!
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Suspended Profile
Well put. The only thing I would add, especially to new service members, is to remember, there is a hierarchy, you did not walk in to a Burger King (your way, right away) you joined the military.
CPL(P) (Join to see)
I admit, I had this issue going into the Army. I was a IT Admin for years at a large firm then decided to apply that knowledge in service. Realized real quick I could get shut down by someone with zero experience past plugging a computer in and I had to listen and shut up. Whoo, I got strong but I learned.
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Interesting. There is one time when, in the military, where "stop interrupting" does not apply. When the subordinate is yammering away and you need something done or the whole topic is no longer open for discussion etc.
I've told subordinates to do something and they start rattling off why they shouldn't do it or something unrelated and I just don't have the time to hear it. Then I politely cut them off with "let us discuss this later, right now we need to get the job done".
An emergency is another time. Don't argue with me, do what I'm telling you.
Now when you are asking for feedback or having a discussion, let the person talk then first thing is to respond with a recap of what you just heard them say. "So you are saying ....". You are not trying to answer or anything else you are saying "I listened to you and I think you are saying this. Am I right?" Helps prevent misunderstandings too.
I've told subordinates to do something and they start rattling off why they shouldn't do it or something unrelated and I just don't have the time to hear it. Then I politely cut them off with "let us discuss this later, right now we need to get the job done".
An emergency is another time. Don't argue with me, do what I'm telling you.
Now when you are asking for feedback or having a discussion, let the person talk then first thing is to respond with a recap of what you just heard them say. "So you are saying ....". You are not trying to answer or anything else you are saying "I listened to you and I think you are saying this. Am I right?" Helps prevent misunderstandings too.
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We were created with two ears and only one mouth. We need to get the hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.
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All in order to be a good leader one must be a good and effective listener. the Article below can help you understand the why.
6 Ways Effective Listening Can Make You A Better Leader, Forbes, 5/20/2013 by Glenn Llopis, http://www.forbes.com/sites/glennllopis/2013/05/20/6-effective-ways-listening-can-make-you-a-better-leader/
When employees say they want their voices to be heard, they are really saying they want leaders who will not just hear them, but really listen to them. As employees seek more attention, feedback and support, leaders must become more mindful of individual needs in order to more effectively inspire professional development and overall performance. Leaders who listen are able to create trustworthy relationships that are transparent and breed loyalty. You know the leaders who have their employees’ best interests at heart because they truly listen to them.
As a leader, it’s difficult to really know what your employees are thinking about, what’s troubling them or how to help them get out of a performance slump –unless you take the time listen to them. Listening goes well beyond being quiet and giving someone your full attention. It requires you to be aware of body language, facial expressions, mood, and natural behavioral tendencies. Listening should be a full-time job when you consider the uncertainty embedded in the workplace and the on-going changes taking place.
During the early stages of my corporate career, I hired an employee ten years my senior. At first, our relationship was solid; we communicated effectively and she quickly created impact. But over time, her demeanor changed and I noticed that she wasn’t as engaged and enthusiastic about her work. When her performance started to negatively impact the bottom-line, I asked her if there was something I could do to help.
She responded by telling me that she had some personal problems at home impacting her ability to stay focused during her steep learning curve. Since she had only been on the job for 8 months, she didn’t want to share her personal problems with me (nor did she have to) fearing that it would change my perception of her – especially since I was the one who had hired her. Needless to say, it was obvious that I hadn’t been “listening” to her. I could have been a more compassionate leader, had I sensed the early warning signs and taken more immediate action. Instead, I waited until her performance started to wane. Fortunately, this experience awakened me to become a better overall listener; a more compassionate leader.
As leaders, we must balance our intensity and desire to perform with compassionate attention to our employees’ needs. Being more mindful of another’s stress and their tension points before they impact the business requires us to boost our emotional intelligence.
Listening is a leadership responsibility that does not appear in the job description. Those who do listen to their employees are in a much better position to lead the increasingly diverse and multigenerational workforce. The “one-approach-fits-all” way of thinking has become outdated and those who embrace the high art of listening are destined to be the better, more compassionate leaders.
Here are six effective forms of listening that will help get you started:
1. Show That You Care
When you care about your employees, they tend to work harder and aim to exceed your expectations. Employees want to be led by those who genuinely care about who they are and what they represent to the team and organization at-large. Don’t just view your employees as tools and resources for your own success – but as people and valuable assets who bring unique capabilities and aptitudes not necessarily limited to their job functions.
Many leaders have told me that their employee relationships end at work. Those relationships are short-lived. Employees want leaders who care about their general well-being and who can be depended upon during times of professional and personal hardships.
2. Engage Yourself
Beyond caring, engage yourself in matters important to your employees. When they share their opinions, ask questions and encourage them to elaborate and expand upon their perspectives. When you engage yourself more actively, hold yourself accountable and follow-up with your employees, they will know that you are listening, paying attention and attempting to understand what matters most to them.
I once had a boss who told me that I had a unique way of expressing myself in meetings. Instead of trying to mold me into being someone I wasn’t, he embraced my style and learned to use it to help stimulate team meetings. Many times he asked me to lead meetings when he was pulled away by the executive team. He made me feel that he was listening because he valued and applied what he interpreted about my style into action. To this day, I am extremely grateful for having such a compassionate leader as a boss – as he gave me the extra incentive to be my authentic self.
3. Be Empathetic
The workplace is fueled with the stress and pressure of each day. Because every employee manages stress and pressure differently, it is important that you are empathetic to how these distractors impact employee performance.
Express your concern and show your employees that you feel their frustrations. If you are an old-school leader, don’t be afraid to express sentiment or feel that it will weaken your stature or authority as a leader.
Empathy is a powerful display of listening. I realize that many leaders avoid emotional interactions, but the best leaders know how to empathize and make themselves approachable to those who need attention. Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan were masters of showing empathy towards others.
Great leaders know how to balance the head and the heart.
4. Don’t Judge Others
Leaders that judge others are not listening. Too many times leaders make harsh criticisms about those with a different style or approach. Instead of judging someone, they could be learning from them (like my boss did early on in my career).
When leaders judge, they expose their immaturity and inability to embrace differences. These leaders may enjoy a long track record of success in one company, but often find it difficult to make the successful transition into a new company.
Leaders must not grow complacent. The 21st century leader must embrace new ideas and ideals. They must be more active listeners, constantly learning and adapting to change.
5. Be Expansively Mindful
Great leaders are extremely mindful of their surroundings. They know how to actively listen beyond the obvious via both verbal and non-verbal communication. They acknowledge others via body language, facial expressions and nods. These types of leaders possess a tremendous degree of executive presence and are tuned in to the dynamics that are taking place around them, at all times.
Leaders that are mindful are not just hearing conversations; they are listening to them and engaging in the dialogue. They don’t fake it, they are taking note of what is being said and how people are saying it and are making continuous eye-contact and gestures.
As the leader, everyone is watching your every move and action. If you appear disconnected, you are perceived as disinterested and not listening. Never stop being expansively mindful.
6. Don’t Interrupt
How many times has your leader rudely interrupted your train of thought? It’s fair to say this is a common occurrence. Compassionate leaders listen and don’t interrupt the flow of the dialogue. They embrace two-way communication and are aware that with every interruption comes disengagement. They earn respect from their peers by being a patient listener.
Stay focused on what your employees are saying. Stay in the moment and be respectful of others. Listen and become a more compassionate leader.
Employees respect those leaders that listen, because they know how difficult listening can be. Here are a few statistics that will really make you think about the importance of effective listening.
•85% of what we know we have learned through listening
•Humans generally listen at a 25% comprehension rate
•In a typical business day, we spend 45% of our time listening, 30% of our time talking, 16% reading and 9% writing
•Less than 2% of all professionals have had formal education or learning to understand and improve listening skills and techniques
6 Ways Effective Listening Can Make You A Better Leader, Forbes, 5/20/2013 by Glenn Llopis, http://www.forbes.com/sites/glennllopis/2013/05/20/6-effective-ways-listening-can-make-you-a-better-leader/
When employees say they want their voices to be heard, they are really saying they want leaders who will not just hear them, but really listen to them. As employees seek more attention, feedback and support, leaders must become more mindful of individual needs in order to more effectively inspire professional development and overall performance. Leaders who listen are able to create trustworthy relationships that are transparent and breed loyalty. You know the leaders who have their employees’ best interests at heart because they truly listen to them.
As a leader, it’s difficult to really know what your employees are thinking about, what’s troubling them or how to help them get out of a performance slump –unless you take the time listen to them. Listening goes well beyond being quiet and giving someone your full attention. It requires you to be aware of body language, facial expressions, mood, and natural behavioral tendencies. Listening should be a full-time job when you consider the uncertainty embedded in the workplace and the on-going changes taking place.
During the early stages of my corporate career, I hired an employee ten years my senior. At first, our relationship was solid; we communicated effectively and she quickly created impact. But over time, her demeanor changed and I noticed that she wasn’t as engaged and enthusiastic about her work. When her performance started to negatively impact the bottom-line, I asked her if there was something I could do to help.
She responded by telling me that she had some personal problems at home impacting her ability to stay focused during her steep learning curve. Since she had only been on the job for 8 months, she didn’t want to share her personal problems with me (nor did she have to) fearing that it would change my perception of her – especially since I was the one who had hired her. Needless to say, it was obvious that I hadn’t been “listening” to her. I could have been a more compassionate leader, had I sensed the early warning signs and taken more immediate action. Instead, I waited until her performance started to wane. Fortunately, this experience awakened me to become a better overall listener; a more compassionate leader.
As leaders, we must balance our intensity and desire to perform with compassionate attention to our employees’ needs. Being more mindful of another’s stress and their tension points before they impact the business requires us to boost our emotional intelligence.
Listening is a leadership responsibility that does not appear in the job description. Those who do listen to their employees are in a much better position to lead the increasingly diverse and multigenerational workforce. The “one-approach-fits-all” way of thinking has become outdated and those who embrace the high art of listening are destined to be the better, more compassionate leaders.
Here are six effective forms of listening that will help get you started:
1. Show That You Care
When you care about your employees, they tend to work harder and aim to exceed your expectations. Employees want to be led by those who genuinely care about who they are and what they represent to the team and organization at-large. Don’t just view your employees as tools and resources for your own success – but as people and valuable assets who bring unique capabilities and aptitudes not necessarily limited to their job functions.
Many leaders have told me that their employee relationships end at work. Those relationships are short-lived. Employees want leaders who care about their general well-being and who can be depended upon during times of professional and personal hardships.
2. Engage Yourself
Beyond caring, engage yourself in matters important to your employees. When they share their opinions, ask questions and encourage them to elaborate and expand upon their perspectives. When you engage yourself more actively, hold yourself accountable and follow-up with your employees, they will know that you are listening, paying attention and attempting to understand what matters most to them.
I once had a boss who told me that I had a unique way of expressing myself in meetings. Instead of trying to mold me into being someone I wasn’t, he embraced my style and learned to use it to help stimulate team meetings. Many times he asked me to lead meetings when he was pulled away by the executive team. He made me feel that he was listening because he valued and applied what he interpreted about my style into action. To this day, I am extremely grateful for having such a compassionate leader as a boss – as he gave me the extra incentive to be my authentic self.
3. Be Empathetic
The workplace is fueled with the stress and pressure of each day. Because every employee manages stress and pressure differently, it is important that you are empathetic to how these distractors impact employee performance.
Express your concern and show your employees that you feel their frustrations. If you are an old-school leader, don’t be afraid to express sentiment or feel that it will weaken your stature or authority as a leader.
Empathy is a powerful display of listening. I realize that many leaders avoid emotional interactions, but the best leaders know how to empathize and make themselves approachable to those who need attention. Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan were masters of showing empathy towards others.
Great leaders know how to balance the head and the heart.
4. Don’t Judge Others
Leaders that judge others are not listening. Too many times leaders make harsh criticisms about those with a different style or approach. Instead of judging someone, they could be learning from them (like my boss did early on in my career).
When leaders judge, they expose their immaturity and inability to embrace differences. These leaders may enjoy a long track record of success in one company, but often find it difficult to make the successful transition into a new company.
Leaders must not grow complacent. The 21st century leader must embrace new ideas and ideals. They must be more active listeners, constantly learning and adapting to change.
5. Be Expansively Mindful
Great leaders are extremely mindful of their surroundings. They know how to actively listen beyond the obvious via both verbal and non-verbal communication. They acknowledge others via body language, facial expressions and nods. These types of leaders possess a tremendous degree of executive presence and are tuned in to the dynamics that are taking place around them, at all times.
Leaders that are mindful are not just hearing conversations; they are listening to them and engaging in the dialogue. They don’t fake it, they are taking note of what is being said and how people are saying it and are making continuous eye-contact and gestures.
As the leader, everyone is watching your every move and action. If you appear disconnected, you are perceived as disinterested and not listening. Never stop being expansively mindful.
6. Don’t Interrupt
How many times has your leader rudely interrupted your train of thought? It’s fair to say this is a common occurrence. Compassionate leaders listen and don’t interrupt the flow of the dialogue. They embrace two-way communication and are aware that with every interruption comes disengagement. They earn respect from their peers by being a patient listener.
Stay focused on what your employees are saying. Stay in the moment and be respectful of others. Listen and become a more compassionate leader.
Employees respect those leaders that listen, because they know how difficult listening can be. Here are a few statistics that will really make you think about the importance of effective listening.
•85% of what we know we have learned through listening
•Humans generally listen at a 25% comprehension rate
•In a typical business day, we spend 45% of our time listening, 30% of our time talking, 16% reading and 9% writing
•Less than 2% of all professionals have had formal education or learning to understand and improve listening skills and techniques
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Being interrupted is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. So this post resonated with me in a big big way. Thank you, SSG V. Michelle Woods!
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As an enlisted Navy Nuke veteran, it was engrained in me early in my enlistment that roles more than rank dictated who was 'running the conversations'. The best reactor operators were those who were doing more listening than talking during critical evolutions, and speaking only what was needed when it was needed. Occasionally, that meant conflict with officers involved in their roles. At the end of the day, we all agree that performing evolutions like starting up nuclear reactors is serious business, and in order to sustain the Navy's world renowned record of accident-free nuclear reactor operation, it required a lot of listening, but also speaking up for what is right when necessary - regardless of rank.
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