Posted on Jun 21, 2017
From "Lifer" to Family Man: The Decision
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Back when I started in the Marines, my plan was to be a “lifer”. I had a plan: take one college course each semester I wasn’t deployed, get experience volunteering, and become a Master Gunnery Sergeant (E9) before retirement. I couldn’t even imagine a life after the Corps - that was how deeply I felt about it, but eventually my priorities changed.
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
I saw my fellow Marines moving on after a few years in the service - some as little as four years, some as many as 12 years later. Their reasons were always different. When my first re-up came, I was close to getting out for purely selfish reasons because everyone at the E4 level thought getting out was the cool thing to do. It took deep thought to steer me in the right direction; I was getting married, and had just received the fattest bonus I was ever offered. I needed to stay in. After my wedding, I shipped out to Japan for three years, re-enlisted, and got more money. Japan was the best place to grow and mold me into a Marine, and I ended up being selected as Staff Sergeant (E6) in six years.
Later on, I found myself in New Orleans, and I realized that I might need to re-think my plan of staying in. Being a married man made me prioritize my family, largely thanks to my wife. I was closer with my family than I had been in a long time, and was enjoying every moment we spent together.
Another factor that was pushing me to reconsider my time in the Corps was, when sharing a building with reservists, my comrades were constantly retiring around me. I was in a command that joked about being the place where Marines go to die. Many officers I served with went through early retirement, and so did many staff NCOs.
I realized that when these individuals were retiring, they were hurting physically. Personally, I did not want to be a broke man, husband, or father…but then one day my fears came to life and I broke my foot. I was just going for a run, and an undiagnosed stress fracture snapped. It was then, about a year before reenlistment, that I knew I would not be in for another 20 years.
It wasn’t because I felt weak or broken for life just because of one broken foot. It was the accumulation of all these concerns hitting me at once, and my reluctance to put my family through many more upheavals, along with the physical and emotional stress of living a military-centered life.
I still loved what the Corps represents (still do); I met some of the greatest people and friends through the military, and we were so darn good at what we do (for the most part). I just felt that it was a “selfless” devotion to my country but a selfish move for my family to suffer through. It was time to reluctantly move on, because I knew that if I stayed, I would be making more tours overseas and I wasn’t going to be the family man I wanted to become.
I came to terms that my decision was the right one. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I’m sure many of you have felt similarly during your careers as well - how have you dealt with these big life and career decisions?
Transition
Military Career
Marines
Re-enlistment
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 26
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I hear you loud and clear. I initially enlisted solely to pay for college. It also satisfied a coming of a age urge to complete, but it was the National Guard in the mid 80s without much concern of a war for us weekend warriors. I graduated college, completed my enlistment and that was it. Fast forward just a couple of years and I felt I didn't give the Army my best and wanted to go in as an Officer and lead, and make a difference. I did this, while balancin a family and a civilian job. 9/11 hit and that changed everything for Reserve Components, Active Duty as well. Three mobilizations, my wife told me I was a happier person on Active Duty, so Active Guard Reserve I went......just late 40s and age starts to be a factor.
Point is, the military, Active or Reserve is a great career. If you really like it and it is part of you, keep it, explain it to your wife. Try the Reserves.....you can always go Active. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Perhaps another service may expand your horizons a bit? Reserve components still offer Tri-Care and it's cheaper and better than many health care options out there. If the military is you, believe in yourself. I did and had 27 years I wouldn't trade for anything. If anyone told PVT Koski in 1984 he was going to retire in 2016 as an LTC, I'd have thought they were crazy, yet it happened.
My family loves me, my oldest is Force Recon, 2nd oldest is using my post 9/11 GI Bill.
Best to you my friend
Point is, the military, Active or Reserve is a great career. If you really like it and it is part of you, keep it, explain it to your wife. Try the Reserves.....you can always go Active. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Perhaps another service may expand your horizons a bit? Reserve components still offer Tri-Care and it's cheaper and better than many health care options out there. If the military is you, believe in yourself. I did and had 27 years I wouldn't trade for anything. If anyone told PVT Koski in 1984 he was going to retire in 2016 as an LTC, I'd have thought they were crazy, yet it happened.
My family loves me, my oldest is Force Recon, 2nd oldest is using my post 9/11 GI Bill.
Best to you my friend
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I can't discuss my choices openly but they were pretty much made for me. I wanted to be a lifer, I was in love with all things military! Still am. I battle now with a lot if I should go back in, National Guard perhaps. They have openings for recruiting close to me. Being a recruiter was something I excelled at! But I've been out passed the three year mark and I would have to do BCT again. Not that I would have any personal reservations to go through BCT again, but I have three small little ones.
And not by choice, raising them by myself. So I have to factor in the family plan, my absence taking its stressful tole on them.
And another factor that I'm not 20 anymore, what if I do get a serious injury while going back through BCT? Lol... yea the overwhelming what if's... if life only came with a better instruction manual.. lol
Thank you for sharing your story SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen, it brings a lot of clarity to the cluster F*** of questions rabble rousing through my mind. Thank you for your service.
And not by choice, raising them by myself. So I have to factor in the family plan, my absence taking its stressful tole on them.
And another factor that I'm not 20 anymore, what if I do get a serious injury while going back through BCT? Lol... yea the overwhelming what if's... if life only came with a better instruction manual.. lol
Thank you for sharing your story SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen, it brings a lot of clarity to the cluster F*** of questions rabble rousing through my mind. Thank you for your service.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
I hear ya on all the questions and thoughts. The only thing you can do is what is best for you and your family. Everyone is different in their priorities so it would be a route you would have to plan out. For me, I wouldn't go back unless the country needed me. I love my freedoms and being so close to my family in decades. I love the Marines and still enjoy celebrating our birthday with other Marines, but I had my run, and it was a great one. now it is time for me to go down a different path. I would say, don't worry about getting hurt, worst case you get a better disability paycheck/forced retirement. You're gonna hurt either way from all the stuff we went through so I would just add it to that list LOL. Hope this helps a little more, and appreciate comment and service, as well.
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I always thought I would do 30, but after a few injuries it got really harder. The MCMAP stuff really put the nail in it for me. I still wish I could have stayed longer, but, retiring at 21 years was the best and really the only answer.
Your decision isn't all that uncommon and it isn't to be questioned by any other than you. If you had stayed there would have been the inevitable "B" billet, which could have altered the course of your career, positively or negatively.
You will always be a Marine. Be proud of your service and carry on in Marine Corps fashion for the rest of your life and all will be well.
Your decision isn't all that uncommon and it isn't to be questioned by any other than you. If you had stayed there would have been the inevitable "B" billet, which could have altered the course of your career, positively or negatively.
You will always be a Marine. Be proud of your service and carry on in Marine Corps fashion for the rest of your life and all will be well.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Thanks Gunny. I am most definitely proud to be a Marine. Since getting out I try to help other Marines in the area and host small events for us. Figured just because I got out doesn't mean I can't help my fellow brothers and sisters in arms. Thanks for the response.
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No matter the recruiting slogans, unit and branch pride, or the real sense of contributing to the welfare of our nation; the fact is, we all have to face the circumstances and situations you have cited. I was never a "lifer". I enlisted for three years and stayed for 24 and six months. Opportunities continually presented themselves that I considered advantageous to myself, and later my family to continue service. The opportunities and new challenges all had costs; 18 relocations in the 24 years, time away from my family with my wife and children assuming responsibilities they may not have to have borne if I had not been a Marine. My body degraded over the years, but so did those of my childhood friends who stayed at home, just different causes for the degradation. Net result, a certain amount of security and life advantages for my family that they may not have had otherwise, but who can say for sure. You make the decisions as situations develop and don't look back.
Anyone who served honorably, be it for three, four or thirty years, has made their idealistic contribution to our nation; but each has to balance the costs against the rewards based upon their individual circumstance, their needs and the needs of their family.
Anyone who served honorably, be it for three, four or thirty years, has made their idealistic contribution to our nation; but each has to balance the costs against the rewards based upon their individual circumstance, their needs and the needs of their family.
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I was "ate up" made rank quickly given multiple additional duties, under consideration for step promotion. Then the divorce during which I fought for and received primary custody of both my boys. Was working BlackWorld at the time and never knew when a project was going to pop up. Four months after Desert Storm it was three months in Korea. Then came the early out program. They messed up and didn't look at my SDI or SEI or other AFSC's and let me out, although I wasn't actually eligible. So I went from planning on 20 to serving 10 active and 2 inactive reserve. Later I Found out from an E-9 friend of mine if I hadn't have serated I was tapped for an unaccompanied tour in Panama.
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SSgt Nicholas (Nick) Hiddemen
Sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one, since you just received custody for your boys. Sometime things just work out for the best. Thanks for your comment.
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