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I asked a former female Marine if she had experienced an overwhelming amount of sexual harassment/assault while she served in the Corps. To my extreme surprise this was her response (paraphrased of course):
No. No, not at all. One time I was in the barracks and a guy in my unit snuck into my room and tried forcing himself on me. I started screaming and within a few seconds this whole crowd of Marines came barging into my room and carried him off. They’re my brothers, why would they let anyone hurt me?
Now THAT is honor and loyalty.
This brought tears to my eyes for two reasons.
Reason One: I was so overwhelmed and happy these Marines heard a fellow Marine in trouble and they came running to her rescue. There was no hesitation, no passive intervention and no second thoughts. That's just mind-blowing to me.
Reason Two: My mind was blown because very rarely has a male Soldier stood up for me like that. Matter of fact, I rarely hear any male Soldiers stand up for women like that.
I was raised where men watch their mouths around women, men hold open doors for ladies, and men take out the trash while women wash the dishes. I understand and learn more every day how the military is far from being the Southern paradise where knights in shining armor rescue damsels in distress. I also understand some women don’t like being treated that way. Roger, tracking.
Maybe those Marines who busted in her room didn’t care that she was a woman, they just heard one of their fellow Marines in trouble. Regardless of why, their actions and her response portrayed a very different world from what I know in the Army and that saddens me.
Is it sexist for me to expect male Soldiers to stand up for female Soldiers? Maybe so.
Is it too much to ask for Soldiers to stand up for Soldiers, regardless of gender? I don't think so.
No. No, not at all. One time I was in the barracks and a guy in my unit snuck into my room and tried forcing himself on me. I started screaming and within a few seconds this whole crowd of Marines came barging into my room and carried him off. They’re my brothers, why would they let anyone hurt me?
Now THAT is honor and loyalty.
This brought tears to my eyes for two reasons.
Reason One: I was so overwhelmed and happy these Marines heard a fellow Marine in trouble and they came running to her rescue. There was no hesitation, no passive intervention and no second thoughts. That's just mind-blowing to me.
Reason Two: My mind was blown because very rarely has a male Soldier stood up for me like that. Matter of fact, I rarely hear any male Soldiers stand up for women like that.
I was raised where men watch their mouths around women, men hold open doors for ladies, and men take out the trash while women wash the dishes. I understand and learn more every day how the military is far from being the Southern paradise where knights in shining armor rescue damsels in distress. I also understand some women don’t like being treated that way. Roger, tracking.
Maybe those Marines who busted in her room didn’t care that she was a woman, they just heard one of their fellow Marines in trouble. Regardless of why, their actions and her response portrayed a very different world from what I know in the Army and that saddens me.
Is it sexist for me to expect male Soldiers to stand up for female Soldiers? Maybe so.
Is it too much to ask for Soldiers to stand up for Soldiers, regardless of gender? I don't think so.
Sexual Harassment
Sexual Assault
Gender
Women in the Military
Command Post
Posted 10 y ago
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Actually, I would expect anyone from any service to come to the aid of a comrade. We see it on the battlefield and we should see it at home. I'm with your way of thing here SSG V. Michelle Woods. There is a reason why we refer to each other as "comrades in arms", we all served or are serving for a single reason. This is what unites us. Maybe if brothers start defending brothers and/or sisters (and vice versa), things like sexual assault and sexual harassment will become a thing of the past.
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Since being molded and the raised by the Marine Corps and transitioned into the Army, I will say that kind of loyalty has nothing to do with the fact that you are a woman, it has all to do that you are a Soldier. Soldiers, unless they are in a tight-knit grip like SF, Airborne or Rangers aren't held to that kind of camaraderie. The Marine Corps is a FAMILY while the specific units in the Army are.
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SSG Pete Fleming
2LT Khristopher Matthews-Marion, though I agree on your core concept I think you are mistaken to say regular soldiers build less of a bond than Marines, SF, Rangers. A good squad, platoon, company is a good tight knit group regardless. There are bad-apples everywhere both enlisted and officer and shared in all branches.
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I've been in for 20 years, been deployed for over 6 of those. I've never had an opportunity to go to the defense of a female Soldier. No ones ever given cause.
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SSG Woods,
While the last question and the part of the story about the Army does deeply trouble me I must admit that I am glad that the story itself was shared. Sexual Assault or Harassment has no place in our Army, military or even in our communities for that matter. This is a festering problem that must be dealt within the core root; this will require a change in our culture as a society. However in order to accomplish this we must first change our own way fo thinking.
I am a SARC and with your permission would like to use this post as a teaching point in some SHARP training I am putting together for the leaders in my brigade.
While the last question and the part of the story about the Army does deeply trouble me I must admit that I am glad that the story itself was shared. Sexual Assault or Harassment has no place in our Army, military or even in our communities for that matter. This is a festering problem that must be dealt within the core root; this will require a change in our culture as a society. However in order to accomplish this we must first change our own way fo thinking.
I am a SARC and with your permission would like to use this post as a teaching point in some SHARP training I am putting together for the leaders in my brigade.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Absolutely SFC Kess. Thank you so much for taking this info as a teaching point.
I've experienced many SHARP/SARC NCOs who didn't use any input from actual victims and they are really missing out.
One an extremely useful tool is http://mydutytospeak.com. Men and women in the service, past and present tell their stories of sexual harassment and assault. For everyone who thinks this issue isn't that bad, there is a story in there that will blow their perception away.
I've experienced many SHARP/SARC NCOs who didn't use any input from actual victims and they are really missing out.
One an extremely useful tool is http://mydutytospeak.com. Men and women in the service, past and present tell their stories of sexual harassment and assault. For everyone who thinks this issue isn't that bad, there is a story in there that will blow their perception away.
You are about to read true first person testimonies of sex abuse in the United States military. A lot of the survivors do go into details about their sexual assault, rape and the military response to the rape. Reading these testimonies could potentially be triggering to survivors of Military Sexual Trauma or rape. Please take that into account before continue reading.
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I read this article, too, and thought it was interesting.
I belong to a unit, a Cavalry support company, that has very few females. None of the other troops have female soldiers due to the current disqualification in the 11B and 19D MOSs.
However, nothing prohibits us from training with the Troops. Last year, I was the only female in the State to compete for her spurs. I trained with the male soldiers, slept in the field with them, and competed against them in the Spur Ride. Our team of four worked well together. The instructors treated me no differently than any other soldier. The point is, I didn't ask for special treatment, didn't expect it, and gave 100% as to not receive any.
I came from the old school South. Women were homemakers. My grandmother taught me to sew, tend a garden, and take care of the "menfolk". I spent my first marriage doing everything but tying the guy's damn shoes for him!
My point is: I couldn't separate my sex from what I thought was my duty. It took a long time to realize that my being a woman, especially in the environment I was raised, actually made me stronger. It wasn't enough to settle for what society thought I should be doing. And for better or worse, I still think that way. I have three daughters who are looking at me now, watching what I do, and their future is more important to me than some exclusionary role in life's play.
Having said that, I can still make a mean peach cobbler, but you better fetch me a beer.
I belong to a unit, a Cavalry support company, that has very few females. None of the other troops have female soldiers due to the current disqualification in the 11B and 19D MOSs.
However, nothing prohibits us from training with the Troops. Last year, I was the only female in the State to compete for her spurs. I trained with the male soldiers, slept in the field with them, and competed against them in the Spur Ride. Our team of four worked well together. The instructors treated me no differently than any other soldier. The point is, I didn't ask for special treatment, didn't expect it, and gave 100% as to not receive any.
I came from the old school South. Women were homemakers. My grandmother taught me to sew, tend a garden, and take care of the "menfolk". I spent my first marriage doing everything but tying the guy's damn shoes for him!
My point is: I couldn't separate my sex from what I thought was my duty. It took a long time to realize that my being a woman, especially in the environment I was raised, actually made me stronger. It wasn't enough to settle for what society thought I should be doing. And for better or worse, I still think that way. I have three daughters who are looking at me now, watching what I do, and their future is more important to me than some exclusionary role in life's play.
Having said that, I can still make a mean peach cobbler, but you better fetch me a beer.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Heck yeah I can!
Well...I can try lol. I'm not one of those who are above asking for help if I need it just because I have something to prove. I have nothing to prove. I know Im a little warrior and I also know we're all suppose to help each other out. I'm just as quick to ask a woman to carry my bags as I am a man!
;)
Well...I can try lol. I'm not one of those who are above asking for help if I need it just because I have something to prove. I have nothing to prove. I know Im a little warrior and I also know we're all suppose to help each other out. I'm just as quick to ask a woman to carry my bags as I am a man!
;)
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SGT (Join to see)
Haha thanks. I can only imagine the mess you found when you opened that box. If it's a little warm, the icing starts to drip sitting in the kitchen.
And, mmmm...peach cobbler.
And, mmmm...peach cobbler.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Actually, it is sexist asking the questions the way you did. With that said, I think we are weaker as a Nation because we have come to see being sexist as always being bad?
Is it sexist for me to expect male Soldiers to stand up for female Soldiers? No, but the question should read, Is it sexist for me to expect a Soldier to stand up for a Soldier? I think, in todays Army, and our culture, we have removed gender from the work place...to our own harm...and in the military we are always in the work place.
Is it too much to ask for Soldiers to stand up for Soldiers, regardless of gender? No, if we do not stand together, we will all reap what we sow and it will not be good.
Last, if I ever heard you calling for help, I would come running...regardless of your gender...but I hope that I never have to and that all your days are blessed.
The fact that your fellow soldier have not stood up for you has me very concerned...but havin four sisters, sometimes the best way to stand up for a person is to let them stand on their own because they really didn't need help and the only way for them to know this was for them to get knocked down and get back up and do what needed to be done?
Actually, it is sexist asking the questions the way you did. With that said, I think we are weaker as a Nation because we have come to see being sexist as always being bad?
Is it sexist for me to expect male Soldiers to stand up for female Soldiers? No, but the question should read, Is it sexist for me to expect a Soldier to stand up for a Soldier? I think, in todays Army, and our culture, we have removed gender from the work place...to our own harm...and in the military we are always in the work place.
Is it too much to ask for Soldiers to stand up for Soldiers, regardless of gender? No, if we do not stand together, we will all reap what we sow and it will not be good.
Last, if I ever heard you calling for help, I would come running...regardless of your gender...but I hope that I never have to and that all your days are blessed.
The fact that your fellow soldier have not stood up for you has me very concerned...but havin four sisters, sometimes the best way to stand up for a person is to let them stand on their own because they really didn't need help and the only way for them to know this was for them to get knocked down and get back up and do what needed to be done?
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Thank you for your response.
I feel the problem is that we won't always hear a soldier calling for help. Sometimes it's being the guy to speak up and say "hey, don't talk about her like that". Let your brothers know it's not alright to talk about women the way some of them do.
I love how you worded it MSG Brad Sand, "we have removed gender from the work place...to our own harm". I completely agree.
I feel the problem is that we won't always hear a soldier calling for help. Sometimes it's being the guy to speak up and say "hey, don't talk about her like that". Let your brothers know it's not alright to talk about women the way some of them do.
I love how you worded it MSG Brad Sand, "we have removed gender from the work place...to our own harm". I completely agree.
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MSG Brad Sand
Michelle,
I think we need to be careful about how we handle talk, compared to a soldier, regardless of gender, calling for help. If we have a soldier calling...needing help, regardless of if they ask or call...we help.
If we have boy or girls talking, while we need to handle it and remind them they are in a grown up world, we need to remember it is talk.
I think we need to be careful about how we handle talk, compared to a soldier, regardless of gender, calling for help. If we have a soldier calling...needing help, regardless of if they ask or call...we help.
If we have boy or girls talking, while we need to handle it and remind them they are in a grown up world, we need to remember it is talk.
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I could not agree with you more.
But to play devil's advocate...if a male were to stick up for a female simply because she was a female, there is a fear/stigma that they would be assuming that said female was less than capable of handling herself and needs a man to come to her rescue, and that there could be an E/O complaint following.
I too was raised to be respectful and chivalrous with women, hold the door, watch my mouth, etc. But considering the issues of equality in the military, I always tried to see each soldier as a soldier rather than male or female.
Now, that being said, if I saw a male treating a woman with less than respect, I would certainly speak up, but I would word it in a way that the female didn't feel belittled, but in a way that the offending soldier knew they were wrong for treating another person so disrespectfully.
On the topic of force as you mentioned it...that is a different story. Physical aggression against a woman is never acceptable, except in matters of legitimate self defense. And it prides me to hear that these Marines would not stand still and let it happen.
But to play devil's advocate...if a male were to stick up for a female simply because she was a female, there is a fear/stigma that they would be assuming that said female was less than capable of handling herself and needs a man to come to her rescue, and that there could be an E/O complaint following.
I too was raised to be respectful and chivalrous with women, hold the door, watch my mouth, etc. But considering the issues of equality in the military, I always tried to see each soldier as a soldier rather than male or female.
Now, that being said, if I saw a male treating a woman with less than respect, I would certainly speak up, but I would word it in a way that the female didn't feel belittled, but in a way that the offending soldier knew they were wrong for treating another person so disrespectfully.
On the topic of force as you mentioned it...that is a different story. Physical aggression against a woman is never acceptable, except in matters of legitimate self defense. And it prides me to hear that these Marines would not stand still and let it happen.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
True SGT Mitch McKinley, but you stand a chance of receiving backlash from anyone you're kind to, whether male or female.
Stick with those chivalry skills. I promise, we appreciate it more than you know :)
Stick with those chivalry skills. I promise, we appreciate it more than you know :)
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Sgt Walter Lamar
I too was raised to respect women. As a Marine those traits carried over into the military. As the 1st SGT stated above I hold the door for everyone all the time. But I go out of my way to do it for women not for the attention of doing so but because I think it's the right think to do.
As far as running to the aid of the screaming WM....As Marines we run towards danger period, it is in our nature. I'm sure the Marines would have done the same thing regardless of gender but I'm also sure that because they knew it was a female it made them jump into action that much faster.
As far as running to the aid of the screaming WM....As Marines we run towards danger period, it is in our nature. I'm sure the Marines would have done the same thing regardless of gender but I'm also sure that because they knew it was a female it made them jump into action that much faster.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Sgt Walter Lamar I completely agree it's the right thing to do. I'm the woman who gets offended if you DON'T hold the door open for me lol. Not because Im a princess but because I agree, it's good manners.
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Trust me the women that served with and around me, they always were backed up and protected when I was around. Their aare a few men missing teeth for how they treated them and I think I still have a few teeth pieces in my knuckles. Also as a VET they know I have there back no matter what period .
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I just want to add that I am part of the problem too.
A battle buddy of mine believed he saw someone continuously sexually harassing me. Without my knowledge or permission, he reported it to our company on my behalf.
I was pulled out of bed in the middle of the night without being told why, and then humiliated in front of my command about the situation. I was basically told I was a bad leader because I hadn't put a stop to the sexual harassment. I was mortified but completely used to this type of reaction.
So the next day I told that battle buddy of mine that I never wanted to speak to him again and I told him he should have never said anything. The sad part is he couldn't have known it would get handled that way. He tried standing up for me and now I fear he will never report things like this again.
A battle buddy of mine believed he saw someone continuously sexually harassing me. Without my knowledge or permission, he reported it to our company on my behalf.
I was pulled out of bed in the middle of the night without being told why, and then humiliated in front of my command about the situation. I was basically told I was a bad leader because I hadn't put a stop to the sexual harassment. I was mortified but completely used to this type of reaction.
So the next day I told that battle buddy of mine that I never wanted to speak to him again and I told him he should have never said anything. The sad part is he couldn't have known it would get handled that way. He tried standing up for me and now I fear he will never report things like this again.
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SFC Robin Gates
SSg Woods sounds to me like the Chain of Command kind of got it wrong. Your battle buddy should have consulted you, yes, before hand. Now the battle buddy pays the price, for what they thought was right. No win situation, but was there any consequence's for the perks?
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
SFC Robin Gates I agree my CoC definitely got it wrong and unfortunately my battle buddy and I, and only us, paid the price.
That's alright though, with each new day, it's a new opportunity to make a difference and that's exactly what I'll strive to do.
That's alright though, with each new day, it's a new opportunity to make a difference and that's exactly what I'll strive to do.
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Outstanding! I heard that from a few female Marines... makes me proud once again.
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