160
160
0
I will never forget the day I opened my Facebook to find a message from my best friend saying good-bye. He had been struggling since his last deployment but asking for help wasn’t even an option in his mind. He thought he should just be able to “suck it up” like he did after every other deployment. He did for a while, and the world moved on around him, until he just couldn’t anymore. As luck, or fate, would have it, we were stationed in Korea when “sucking it up” turned to crisis and I saw the message almost instantly. But for a single, terrifying moment I thought I lost the person who was more a brother to me than my own blood. The one who interrogated me about the soldier I was dating, then wordlessly settled the check over ‘rock, paper, scissors’ the first time they met. The reason I am even in this field today.
This single moment shaped both our lives and handed us each a new fight. His started with getting help and challenging what he thought he knew about toughness. Mine was going to school to become a military social worker so I could help break the stigma that almost took my friend. Despite the strides we have made, we still lose too many in our community to the wounds of war. Inside I question, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED?
The challenge I put to those I speak with is this: What would you do if you broke your leg? Go to the doctor. Your child has a tooth ache? Go to the dentist. Your wife has postpartum depression? Go to behavioral health. These are perfectly acceptable and reasonable decisions most people make. Yet when it comes to the wounds that we feel but cannot see, we call it weakness. We shove it down. We suffer in silence. We don’t follow our own advice. So, I ask, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE?
In the military community we hear a lot about readiness and resilience, but I think it is time we add wellness to this conversation. It is incredibly difficult to transition out of active service, find employment, raise a family, earn promotions, have a happy marriage, or just enjoy life if our mental health is suffering. Our wellness impacts every part of our life. So, I challenge, WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM THE LIFE YOU EARNED?
While prepping for this post, I asked my husband what he does as a senior NCO to shift the perception of mental health in his unit. He said, “The days of suffering alone are over. It isn’t about weakness but strength. You can be physically fit but that doesn’t mean you are mentally fit. I need mentally fit soldiers. So, I tell them about my experience and how it helped me.” This is my final challenge. As leaders, we need to lead from the front by sharing our stories, shifting the language, and supporting our friends, brothers, sisters, and communities when we are struggling. Suicide prevention is all our responsibility and we are in this fight together.
If you or someone you know in the Washington State area needs support for their mental fitness, please reach out to my team by calling us at [login to see] or emailing us at [login to see] We are veterans and military family members ourselves. We get it and are here to help you get back to better. Learn more about our local services at https://rly.pt/ValleyCitiesCohenClinic
If you, or someone you know, is in need of confidential counseling and therapy in an additional location, you can find a clinic here: https://rly.pt/CohenClinics
If someone is in need of immediate or emergency care, please stop now and call 9-1-1.
Please contact the VA Veterans Crisis Line at: [login to see] Press 1
This single moment shaped both our lives and handed us each a new fight. His started with getting help and challenging what he thought he knew about toughness. Mine was going to school to become a military social worker so I could help break the stigma that almost took my friend. Despite the strides we have made, we still lose too many in our community to the wounds of war. Inside I question, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED?
The challenge I put to those I speak with is this: What would you do if you broke your leg? Go to the doctor. Your child has a tooth ache? Go to the dentist. Your wife has postpartum depression? Go to behavioral health. These are perfectly acceptable and reasonable decisions most people make. Yet when it comes to the wounds that we feel but cannot see, we call it weakness. We shove it down. We suffer in silence. We don’t follow our own advice. So, I ask, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE?
In the military community we hear a lot about readiness and resilience, but I think it is time we add wellness to this conversation. It is incredibly difficult to transition out of active service, find employment, raise a family, earn promotions, have a happy marriage, or just enjoy life if our mental health is suffering. Our wellness impacts every part of our life. So, I challenge, WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM THE LIFE YOU EARNED?
While prepping for this post, I asked my husband what he does as a senior NCO to shift the perception of mental health in his unit. He said, “The days of suffering alone are over. It isn’t about weakness but strength. You can be physically fit but that doesn’t mean you are mentally fit. I need mentally fit soldiers. So, I tell them about my experience and how it helped me.” This is my final challenge. As leaders, we need to lead from the front by sharing our stories, shifting the language, and supporting our friends, brothers, sisters, and communities when we are struggling. Suicide prevention is all our responsibility and we are in this fight together.
If you or someone you know in the Washington State area needs support for their mental fitness, please reach out to my team by calling us at [login to see] or emailing us at [login to see] We are veterans and military family members ourselves. We get it and are here to help you get back to better. Learn more about our local services at https://rly.pt/ValleyCitiesCohenClinic
If you, or someone you know, is in need of confidential counseling and therapy in an additional location, you can find a clinic here: https://rly.pt/CohenClinics
If someone is in need of immediate or emergency care, please stop now and call 9-1-1.
Please contact the VA Veterans Crisis Line at: [login to see] Press 1
PTSD
Mental Health
Military Family
Cohen Veterans Network
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 103
1
1
0
I was in denial of my PTSD for 35 years. I knew I was having chronic symptoms but couldn't admit to myself how I was impacted by my Viet Nam experiences. I looked fine in the mirror, so how could I have PTSD? Eventually I couldn't hold it together any longer, and it was not pretty. I finally had to admit to myself that I need help to go on.
Went to the VA, got help with how to manage symptoms that never have gone away.
Went to the VA, got help with how to manage symptoms that never have gone away.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
VA crisis line experience. You are asked if you feel like harming yourself or others. I was in crisis but did not in anyway want to kill myself. Therefore to them a crisis does not exist. You are informed they will put in a referral for you to the VA. I can hear them listing off canned questions that puts a person into a worst crisis because they don't apply to me personally. I've been a square peg pounded into a round hole at the VA since the 1980s. No accountability and programs that put Vets on a deadline to recover in mental health is absurd for chronic PTSD and the criteria is based on symptoms that are even posted on the internet so it's possible to claim the diagnosis to receive a check. Sadly I see this happening and see the difficulty it places on those who truly suffer. It's biological not mental, should be assessed from childhood and is better helped through a neurologist who isn't influenced by VA regulations whose standard is whole inadequate for actual long term treatment.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
MSG Brenda Neal I don't have the mental disabilities you have...mine are physcical 8 lumbar surgeries and 1 going on 2 cervical. I finally found the spinal doctor that I needed but his cost was far too high for the VA...so I sent a letter to The White House and things went from a snails crawl to a swarm of killer bee's. If I were you I'd send them everything you have been through.
(0)
(0)
MSG Brenda Neal
SPC Richard Zacke thank you for answering. You are so right! I had another horrible experience in a VA hospital and saw the terrible way the men were being treated by the staff. Men walking in socks on cement floors with swollen legs, those they thought crazy being tormented and these men had no where else to go. Some were forced to be there and others said they would kill themselves just so they could have a place to be without being in the streets. I made my voice heard, taught them the right way to treat people and pointed directly to what was wrong and how to fix it. The administrator of the hospital became involved and a Senate investigation. I doubt the staff will be fired but changes were definitely being made. I'm glad you got what you needed and pray you have a more satisfying life.
(2)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
I too and happy, rather proud, of you for helping my brothers...your kindness will guide you through the pearly gates of Heaven...you deserve it. You have a great heart! God bless ya.
My wife loves your dogs... we just put down our last daschund and she is going through dog withdrawals. Our pit mix was terribly abused and used as a bait dog...it took about a year to gain her full trust but one morning after she saw the vet I found her by the front door barely alive...she died in my wife's arms 15 minutes later.
My wife loves your dogs... we just put down our last daschund and she is going through dog withdrawals. Our pit mix was terribly abused and used as a bait dog...it took about a year to gain her full trust but one morning after she saw the vet I found her by the front door barely alive...she died in my wife's arms 15 minutes later.
(1)
(0)
MSG Brenda Neal
SPC Richard Zacke I lost the little one sitting after 17 years of happy times with me. My red golden doodle is truly remarkable. My daily companion to get out and about. People love to see her and her presence helps me to be social. They don't shed so very public friendly. Maybe she'd consider that breed when she's ready. Thanks for your comment
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
1
1
0
Sometimes it takes other things to get help. My case of PTSD is classic. Korea and Vietnam tours back to back. It was 40 years later that I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was when I was being evaluated for Agent Orange that the psychologist, part of the exam, said I was the most classic case she had seen to date 1998. I had no idea what PTSD even was or had even heard of it. One thing to another and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist as suffering PTSD. I was rated by the VA with 100% disability. I’m not cured, but with medication and counseling it is under control.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
TSgt David Olson Sometimes just knowing is half the battle. My father in-law was a command sargent major with tour in both Korea and Viet Nam like you. It was clear to most everyone that he was not the same man that left for war. I think he felt guilty for every man he lost under his command. He was at the Chosin Reseve and the Tet Offensive.
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
In my own case, it came late (I was 65ish) and it was hard to tie to military service. But what helped me was to really work on mindful meditations. My own theory on this stuff is that it has to do with what's called the "default mode network", the thinking pattern that emerges when you are not focusing on something. Mindful meditation will interrupt the pattern.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
CPT Dennis Stevenson In my father-in-laws case if he smelled fresh turned dirt he started sweating...certain smells or a car backfire. But he always helped his men till he was transfered to the Pentagone where he retired. Have you tryed church?
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
We confront each day a battle and it is called life. Each thought or action is based to one degree or another on a choice. Sometimes the choice made is a good one or bad one or as some would like to address them intelligent or thoughtful. The axiom of walk a mile in my shoes is significant because it lends credence to the why and how someone makes such choices. More often though some seek to condemn a choice yet they do not possess the same mindset that the specific individual has at a given moment. It has been quoted that men are linear thinking while women are global thinkers. I do not ascribe to either polar opposite of such positions. I am more inclined toward the perspective that each of us takes a path which we are most familiar with or comfortable in embarking on. Such so-called trendy medical diagnosis that has termed this phenomena as PTSD or such is to me not unlike feeling around in the dark, touching something and in turn deciding to give it a name. Our brothers and sisters are not suffering from some unknown or new disorder; rather we now find that its easier for society to label something and pretend that somehow they now are devoted to a cure for these new illnesses. The choice of taking one's life is not as simple or correlated to a specific event or set of challenges one has encountered for an example. However; that is exactly what some medical and laypersons want to attach to a person. People fail more often at the simple and most elementary aspect of such suffering which is to listen and hear what a person it saying to attempting to explain. More often than not people immediately attempt to find a solution for the assumed trouble or problem someone has at the given moment. Certainly at some juncture other types of treatment can be employed but, one thing that seems troubling absent to first identify the problem. If we fail in the most basic step it logically follows that solutions that are offered do little to resolve the problem(s) for the person. I have heard and seen the statistics about 22 a day and I am deeply troubled by such events. I am also acutely aware of the stigma some choose to attach to someone who actually does seek assistance to resolve their issues. Some of us are emotionally and physically stronger or more able handle such conflicts than we believe. That can be a strength and we necessarily must in turn find ways to be examples for those who may be struggling with issues that they feel overwhelmed by. My experiences with some confronting these situations has been to employ the aforementioned method to try and listen first before offering advice and solutions. Actually providing a chance to someone to talk is an opportunity for them explain the problem and potentially to hear in their own words what it is that concerns them. On some occasions it may even provide them a path to find their own solutions. Overall we need to give our brothers and sisters in arms the respect to be heard and accord them the dignity they have earned. Society does owe a debt for what everyone in uniform has given.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
SFC David Dean WOW!!! My grandmothers biggest saying was the good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason so keep your mouth shut and your ears open and maybe just maybe you'll learn something. Reading your post reminded me of her so much with her 160 IQ... she was a corrections officer because she felt that she could get thru to them and keep them from returning and leaving their children to fend for themselfs. Yes she could have made a lot of money in the private sector but she chose to help those less fortunate and many of the women she guarded wrote to her right up to her death from Alzheimers...it was pitiful seeing this extremely intelligent women waste away. But God bless you for reminding people to listen because it may just save their lives and bring some joy to you for helping. Even if you don't know what to say, like you said, sometimes all they want is to be heard. You are very wise and I thank you for reminding me of the kindess person I've ever known.
(0)
(0)
SFC David Dean
Thank you and its outstanding that you listened so attentively to what your Grandmother was able to give you as a gift. The gift of listening is oft overlooked. Cherish it and pass it on to those who have the opportunity to talk with you. You may not see its effects directly, but at some point in the future it will impact someone. Its not unlike how when we toss a stone into the calm waters of lake and the concentric circles form from the center. Often we are the center but just don't recognize at the moment.
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
For some like myself asking for help isn't an option. PTSD is bad enough but when you exacerbate out with the designator of MST? For me it would have been UCMJ action levied against myself. I was 19 (under age), I was drinking with NCO's ( fraternization), then the accusation would be against a well liked and respected combat vet (mid 1980's). I believe that further UCMJ action would have been taken against me for what would have been making a false report, even though it would have been completely true. Then there was the shame of being assaulted, the fear of being labeled as gay in a time of no tolerance for it.
I had no option but to bury it for 30 years. Multiple suicides (once having been turned away from the VA DD-214 in hand), destroyed ability for intimacy, harming my now ex wife from the flash back, self esteem issues, destroyed military career..
In the past 3 months I have been able to get some help, but my life has been destroyed from it. I also screwed up after the assault to the point of an early discharge (honorably discharged). In the majority of situations, I'm not eligible for any VA benefits.
I guess to answer the question directly, there was fear, shame and guilt. There would have been a stigma as well. I'm just now, after 30+ years attempting to get a rating for the PTSD. And yes I can give you the name of my assailant...it's forever etched in my mind.
I had no option but to bury it for 30 years. Multiple suicides (once having been turned away from the VA DD-214 in hand), destroyed ability for intimacy, harming my now ex wife from the flash back, self esteem issues, destroyed military career..
In the past 3 months I have been able to get some help, but my life has been destroyed from it. I also screwed up after the assault to the point of an early discharge (honorably discharged). In the majority of situations, I'm not eligible for any VA benefits.
I guess to answer the question directly, there was fear, shame and guilt. There would have been a stigma as well. I'm just now, after 30+ years attempting to get a rating for the PTSD. And yes I can give you the name of my assailant...it's forever etched in my mind.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
You probley don't want to hear this but YOU were a victim. I don't understand the not being eligible for VA benifits. You should get in contact with PV2 Keith Young who went through a very similar attack. Please talk to him maybe he has the anwsers your looking for. I'm so sorry for what you went through...God bless ya PFC Richard Hughes
(1)
(0)
PFC Richard Hughes
SPC Richard Zacke you are correct. The key word in your statement is " were ". I am moving forward and it has come out, more so I am getting long over due help. The NCVS-STRIVE retreat has been a big help.
To touch a little on not being eligible for benefits. I did not have 24 months consecutive months service. A big part of this is the effects of the assault. I believe that had the assault not happened, I would have been a lifer.
To touch a little on not being eligible for benefits. I did not have 24 months consecutive months service. A big part of this is the effects of the assault. I believe that had the assault not happened, I would have been a lifer.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
Why would I not get help? I'm not lazy, but sometimes the first person who needs help is usually the last to seek help.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
For me, it’s because they tell me I don’t qualify. I wasn’t deployed to Desert Shield, I did not get any kind of medical retirement (because I was a kid and didn’t know about it), and I’m not transitioning. So because I served from 1988 to 1992 in the army, I don’t qualify for nearly anything especially all these new programs that weren’t even around at that time, we aren’t even grandfathered in. It’s nice to see all these wonderful programs these companies have for those who served in the last ten years. Honestly it is. I just wish those of us who were forced to be stateside to support the war efforts and made it possible to keep the infrastructure intact were eligible.
And don’t think for a second I don’t anguish every time I think about my close brothers who fell in battle and I had to read about it and feel like a lowly piece of trash because I know I could have made a difference.
Sorry for the rant, I still bear the pain and depression and the occasional suicidal thought like everyone else. Being an IT engineer out of work for the last few months has not helped. But reading the others have these issues makes me not feel like a pariah as much. Hell, they won’t even let me go to the VA. Ah well..
God bless each and every one of you
And don’t think for a second I don’t anguish every time I think about my close brothers who fell in battle and I had to read about it and feel like a lowly piece of trash because I know I could have made a difference.
Sorry for the rant, I still bear the pain and depression and the occasional suicidal thought like everyone else. Being an IT engineer out of work for the last few months has not helped. But reading the others have these issues makes me not feel like a pariah as much. Hell, they won’t even let me go to the VA. Ah well..
God bless each and every one of you
(1)
(0)
SSG Elyzabeth Cromer
SPC Jadlowski, if you served on active duty for at least two years of that time and your discharge is anything other than dishonorable you qualify for VA services. Not at a high priority, but you qualify. Depending on your financial situation from being out of work after filling out a needs assessment you may not even have to pay. There are probably other benefits you are eligible for that you don't know about as well.(They change all the time, speak with a service officer.) All Veterans served, each and everyone of us raised our hand and took an oath. If you need help, the VA is there to help all Veterans. You are not depriving another Veteran if you go to the VA. The more Veterans that use the VA the more services the VA will be able to provide, because there will be more funding. Take care of yourself.
(0)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
SPC Paul Jadlowski I beleive SSG Elyzabeth Cromer has givin you excellent advice!!!
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
... because you see people like me all the time. I did go the mental health to get the help I needed. It ended my career.
(1)
(0)
SPC Richard Zacke
MAJ Michelle Goodnight I'm sorry to hear this but you gave us very little info to go on.
(0)
(0)
MAJ Michelle Goodnight
It’s pretty straightforward. I was progressing through the ranks and getting good evals. As soon as I told my CO I was seeing mental health, I started getting reamed for anything and everything, even situations where I was not involved at all. I was yelled at for 30 minutes for asking a SPC why a task hadn’t been done. Seriously- I asked “I told you to do this an hour ago. Why haven’t you done it yet?” I quickly turned into a scapegoat. Had I never told my CO I was going to mental health, it would have been different. My intent about being open about going to mental health was to demonstrate to my Soldiers that it is ok. Instead, my CO demonstrated that admitting you need help is still a career-ender. Thankfully (?) I had enough service related combat injuries that I was able to get med boarded and retain my retirement benefits (at 17 years).
(0)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google