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I will never forget the day I opened my Facebook to find a message from my best friend saying good-bye. He had been struggling since his last deployment but asking for help wasn’t even an option in his mind. He thought he should just be able to “suck it up” like he did after every other deployment. He did for a while, and the world moved on around him, until he just couldn’t anymore. As luck, or fate, would have it, we were stationed in Korea when “sucking it up” turned to crisis and I saw the message almost instantly. But for a single, terrifying moment I thought I lost the person who was more a brother to me than my own blood. The one who interrogated me about the soldier I was dating, then wordlessly settled the check over ‘rock, paper, scissors’ the first time they met. The reason I am even in this field today.
This single moment shaped both our lives and handed us each a new fight. His started with getting help and challenging what he thought he knew about toughness. Mine was going to school to become a military social worker so I could help break the stigma that almost took my friend. Despite the strides we have made, we still lose too many in our community to the wounds of war. Inside I question, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED?
The challenge I put to those I speak with is this: What would you do if you broke your leg? Go to the doctor. Your child has a tooth ache? Go to the dentist. Your wife has postpartum depression? Go to behavioral health. These are perfectly acceptable and reasonable decisions most people make. Yet when it comes to the wounds that we feel but cannot see, we call it weakness. We shove it down. We suffer in silence. We don’t follow our own advice. So, I ask, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE?
In the military community we hear a lot about readiness and resilience, but I think it is time we add wellness to this conversation. It is incredibly difficult to transition out of active service, find employment, raise a family, earn promotions, have a happy marriage, or just enjoy life if our mental health is suffering. Our wellness impacts every part of our life. So, I challenge, WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM THE LIFE YOU EARNED?
While prepping for this post, I asked my husband what he does as a senior NCO to shift the perception of mental health in his unit. He said, “The days of suffering alone are over. It isn’t about weakness but strength. You can be physically fit but that doesn’t mean you are mentally fit. I need mentally fit soldiers. So, I tell them about my experience and how it helped me.” This is my final challenge. As leaders, we need to lead from the front by sharing our stories, shifting the language, and supporting our friends, brothers, sisters, and communities when we are struggling. Suicide prevention is all our responsibility and we are in this fight together.
If you or someone you know in the Washington State area needs support for their mental fitness, please reach out to my team by calling us at [login to see] or emailing us at [login to see] We are veterans and military family members ourselves. We get it and are here to help you get back to better. Learn more about our local services at https://rly.pt/ValleyCitiesCohenClinic
If you, or someone you know, is in need of confidential counseling and therapy in an additional location, you can find a clinic here: https://rly.pt/CohenClinics
If someone is in need of immediate or emergency care, please stop now and call 9-1-1.
Please contact the VA Veterans Crisis Line at: [login to see] Press 1
This single moment shaped both our lives and handed us each a new fight. His started with getting help and challenging what he thought he knew about toughness. Mine was going to school to become a military social worker so I could help break the stigma that almost took my friend. Despite the strides we have made, we still lose too many in our community to the wounds of war. Inside I question, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED?
The challenge I put to those I speak with is this: What would you do if you broke your leg? Go to the doctor. Your child has a tooth ache? Go to the dentist. Your wife has postpartum depression? Go to behavioral health. These are perfectly acceptable and reasonable decisions most people make. Yet when it comes to the wounds that we feel but cannot see, we call it weakness. We shove it down. We suffer in silence. We don’t follow our own advice. So, I ask, WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HELP YOU DESERVE?
In the military community we hear a lot about readiness and resilience, but I think it is time we add wellness to this conversation. It is incredibly difficult to transition out of active service, find employment, raise a family, earn promotions, have a happy marriage, or just enjoy life if our mental health is suffering. Our wellness impacts every part of our life. So, I challenge, WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM THE LIFE YOU EARNED?
While prepping for this post, I asked my husband what he does as a senior NCO to shift the perception of mental health in his unit. He said, “The days of suffering alone are over. It isn’t about weakness but strength. You can be physically fit but that doesn’t mean you are mentally fit. I need mentally fit soldiers. So, I tell them about my experience and how it helped me.” This is my final challenge. As leaders, we need to lead from the front by sharing our stories, shifting the language, and supporting our friends, brothers, sisters, and communities when we are struggling. Suicide prevention is all our responsibility and we are in this fight together.
If you or someone you know in the Washington State area needs support for their mental fitness, please reach out to my team by calling us at [login to see] or emailing us at [login to see] We are veterans and military family members ourselves. We get it and are here to help you get back to better. Learn more about our local services at https://rly.pt/ValleyCitiesCohenClinic
If you, or someone you know, is in need of confidential counseling and therapy in an additional location, you can find a clinic here: https://rly.pt/CohenClinics
If someone is in need of immediate or emergency care, please stop now and call 9-1-1.
Please contact the VA Veterans Crisis Line at: [login to see] Press 1
PTSD
Mental Health
Military Family
Cohen Veterans Network
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 103
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Unfortunately the VA doesn't stand behind all military members equally. My daughter served 6 years in the Wisconsin Air National Guard and was honorably discharged. She has been struggling with serious depression issues. I convinced her to allow me (24 year retiree) to take her to the Clement Zablocki VA hospital in Milwaukee for evaluation. Upon registering, she was informed since she did not serve any active duty time, she was not eligible for treatment. Very poor service for their military members.
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SPC Richard Zacke
MSgt Roger Callewaert I keep telling people to write The White House because it worked for me, give Trump a try!!
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I feel that we all deal with the stresses of service in different ways. I had chosen to deal with my stresses by immersing myself in my work for decades. Made me successful professionally, but a failure in relationships. And yes, none of us wants to be labeled by others. Hell, I think we do it to ourselves far faster than others put the label on us. Doing charity work for those who serve/d, has done a great deal to help me through the bad days. I simply ignored the PTSD for years. I guess its kind of like being an addict, the first thing is to admit that healing cannot be done alone. Sometimes it takes help, in some form or another. Sometimes just talking to a brother or sister. We dont get the help we need because we got trained to push through any situation. We simply do not have to do that any more. It took me many years to admit that!
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SPC Richard Zacke
PO1 Ray Stephens I started going to church about five years ago...I had never been to church before that and let me tell ya the help and support is wonderful I made friends after not having or wanting any for twenty years or more.
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I myself could use assistance. I was diagnosed with mental illness which got me out of the Navy. That was 1996. I have been without veterans benefits all these years and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The trouble is I served 13 months and I have been told that that's not long enough. Is there anything I can do to get mental heath assistance through the VA and benefits?
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SPC Richard Zacke
Order your military medical records and call the American Legion National Office (google it) they may be able to help with your records as well.
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SPC Richard Zacke
I forgot to mention that when you file for disability don't let your claim go inactive for more than 1 year or you will lose your back pay. And I forgot to mention as long as you were on active duty for more than 180 days your eligible for disability/w good discharge.
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SPC Richard Zacke
PO3 Dave Naylor For me TriWest is a God send...I have piles of auth forms on my desk.
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I tried 1989 to 2011. some counselors are flakes. Some group members are flakes. Had lots of bad experiences. Then when I complained I was lied to. I know what the truth is. They know I know what the truth is. But I'm just another crazy Vietnam veteran that has no integrity as far as they are concerned.
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SPC Richard Zacke
SGT Jerry Cossette Your not a crazy viet nam vet your a man who fought for his country and most likely saw horrible things that most people have never seen, not even on TV. We should show the horrors of war on TV so people understand what our fighting men and women are going thru. Americans are to pampered they say they want socialism... well let them move to Venezuela for a few months and watch them kiss the dirt when they get home.
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The real question is? You can never get the care in Washington state Lakewood wa is the worse hospital in country, you can ask for help all you want, I’ve been asking for years and I’m still living in pain because there the most incompetent doctors ever. If you don’t believe me stick around and when fucking 20 years by and your words that what you were when you got out they won’t give a shit about you, and that’s a fact!
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SGT James Perander
I’ve email President Trump twice I’ve emailed Patty Murray senator can’t well the fucking governor no one returned your call no one gives a shitSPC Richard Zacke
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SPC Richard Zacke
I should have mentioned that it took me 9 months to hear back from The WH but every year I receive an x-mas card from POTUS and the First Lady and son Baron. Remember the Army motto "Hurry up and wait"!!! Goog luck SGT James Perander .
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SGT James Perander
It’s like I’ve been waiting for some kind of care since October of 2018 it easier to just pull the fucking trigger than to deal with this incompetents of va doctors, and even if you ask you don’t get the care
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SGT James Perander
So when all you fuckers get cancer you’ll see how much ducking care you get . They don’t give a fuck
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I was sexually assaulted in basic training. It took me 35 years to come to grips, let alone report it. The VA is jerking me around and it is and still is hard to deal with. Yeah, I have had some real bad days and nightmares. I have a standing appointment at the Vet Center to deal with it. It takes a warrior to deal and ask for help
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SGT James Perander
You can keep asking too all you want even if you complain they don’t give a shit about you and it’s all a big fucking joke!
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SPC Richard Zacke
PV2 Keith Young I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. You need to turn the table on the VA and stert jerking them around with a well written letter to The White House. You should also try going to church...I had never been in my life then five years ago I went a made some great lifelong friends and lots of support.
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DoD very good at turning civilians into soldiers not so good at turning soldiers back into a civilian. VA just getting the message VET CENTERS have been at the forefront in helping vets with PTS and were among the first to remove the D which was a tag put on it by mental experts. So if u know a vet in distress or a active duty member tell them to go to a Vet Center for help. They understand and believe it they are like a lost brother as far as the VA in concerned
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Often people didn't seek help as they didn't want to be labeled or even worse being removed from their regular duties and not being part of things with their fellow working partners. The were often considered a risk and not being allowed to perform the duties they had trained for with their buddies and got more a feeling of isolation and not belonging. Being an active part of a team is just so important to the men and women who serve, take that away ever for a while that's not easy to handle and may result in even worse depression. I sure hope some of that problem had been resolved, I know that had a lot to do with people that may have needed help not asking for it. They didn't want to be outsiders and not feel an active part of the team.
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