Posted on Aug 6, 2023
They wanted a Bollywood ending, not an arranged marriage. Their escape came at a cost
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https://www.npr.org/2023/08/06/ [login to see] /india-arranged-marriage-love-commandos
"Five years ago, up a steep staircase in a seedy part of India's capital, I met eight beleaguered young lovers.
They crowded cross-legged onto foam floor mats in a windowless room, their knees touching. The mint-green walls were streaked with handprints and grime. The lovers — four couples — blinked in the light when I opened the door. Some hadn't been outdoors in two months.
When I turned on my microphone, they were courteous, if curt. They told me truncated versions of their love stories, glossing over the violence they'd escaped and emphasizing the relief they felt at reaching relative safety.
But their eyes were pleading".
"Five years ago, up a steep staircase in a seedy part of India's capital, I met eight beleaguered young lovers.
They crowded cross-legged onto foam floor mats in a windowless room, their knees touching. The mint-green walls were streaked with handprints and grime. The lovers — four couples — blinked in the light when I opened the door. Some hadn't been outdoors in two months.
When I turned on my microphone, they were courteous, if curt. They told me truncated versions of their love stories, glossing over the violence they'd escaped and emphasizing the relief they felt at reaching relative safety.
But their eyes were pleading".
They wanted a Bollywood ending, not an arranged marriage. Their escape came at a cost
Posted from npr.org
Love
Marriage
India
Family
Tradition
Posted 10 mo ago
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PO1 William "Chip" Nagel
..."Happily ever after?
Since then, Saumil and Zarina have devoted themselves to the daily work of this compromise between duty to their families and desire for their own life. Sometimes it feels like penance for a few months of young love. At other times, it feels like Saumil's father is guiding them toward a true Bollywood ending.
Zarina and her mother-in-law are close. When I visited the couple last, in 2019, Saumil's mother was there, and she and Zarina made me a berry smoothie together, giggling the whole time, in the kitchen.
"I feel like a daughter again," Zarina says.
She wears a mangalsutra, a special necklace worn by Jain or Hindu wives. Saumil has fasted for Ramadan with her.
In late 2020, they welcomed twin baby girls.
Zarina still hasn't totally reconciled with her parents. They're in touch by phone but haven't seen each other in person yet. It's the wider community Saumil and Zarina still worry about. The memory of those neighbors with acid is hard to shake. As a couple, they've been through so much. They're craving calm and want to protect their daughters. Saumil's relatives advise him not to rock the boat.
But once in awhile, he overhears Zarina crying, privately. Her parents have only met their grandbabies over video calls.
"I have never seen such a strong person in my life," Saumil tells me, about his wife.
Even in cases where they're not estranged from their parents, it strikes me that it's the brides who are usually the ones who experience loss in an arranged marriage. They typically move in with the paternal in-laws, who gain a daughter.
For years, Zarina has imagined a reunion with her parents. They'll travel to meet in a park or garden — a public place — and take it slowly. Maybe Zarina will go solo, and then Saumil will emerge from behind a corner, with flowers and their daughters. There will be tears and laughter. She plays it over and over in her mind, how it'll go.
Every few months, I text Saumil. Any luck with Zarina's parents? Any meetings planned?
Not yet.
"I miss my mother's breakfast, and my niece's love," Zarina tells me. "And then I look at Saumil, and I get strength. I had no other crush in my life than him. He is my first and my last."
"And a love story that doesn't have obstacles is not a love story," she says."
..."Happily ever after?
Since then, Saumil and Zarina have devoted themselves to the daily work of this compromise between duty to their families and desire for their own life. Sometimes it feels like penance for a few months of young love. At other times, it feels like Saumil's father is guiding them toward a true Bollywood ending.
Zarina and her mother-in-law are close. When I visited the couple last, in 2019, Saumil's mother was there, and she and Zarina made me a berry smoothie together, giggling the whole time, in the kitchen.
"I feel like a daughter again," Zarina says.
She wears a mangalsutra, a special necklace worn by Jain or Hindu wives. Saumil has fasted for Ramadan with her.
In late 2020, they welcomed twin baby girls.
Zarina still hasn't totally reconciled with her parents. They're in touch by phone but haven't seen each other in person yet. It's the wider community Saumil and Zarina still worry about. The memory of those neighbors with acid is hard to shake. As a couple, they've been through so much. They're craving calm and want to protect their daughters. Saumil's relatives advise him not to rock the boat.
But once in awhile, he overhears Zarina crying, privately. Her parents have only met their grandbabies over video calls.
"I have never seen such a strong person in my life," Saumil tells me, about his wife.
Even in cases where they're not estranged from their parents, it strikes me that it's the brides who are usually the ones who experience loss in an arranged marriage. They typically move in with the paternal in-laws, who gain a daughter.
For years, Zarina has imagined a reunion with her parents. They'll travel to meet in a park or garden — a public place — and take it slowly. Maybe Zarina will go solo, and then Saumil will emerge from behind a corner, with flowers and their daughters. There will be tears and laughter. She plays it over and over in her mind, how it'll go.
Every few months, I text Saumil. Any luck with Zarina's parents? Any meetings planned?
Not yet.
"I miss my mother's breakfast, and my niece's love," Zarina tells me. "And then I look at Saumil, and I get strength. I had no other crush in my life than him. He is my first and my last."
"And a love story that doesn't have obstacles is not a love story," she says."
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