Well, Ed put up that picture of a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Back when I worked in Alaska (on a Cruise ship) I became good friends with the Naturalist on board. And he was good friends with the woman in the photo: Libby Riddles. She was the first woman to win the Iditarod. And she won it by deciding to drive thru a storm that all the other competitors decided to hunker down and wait it out. She gave a lecture and signed autographs every time we ported.
So one time, I got invited to a dinner with her and several of her friends from the little villages along the route.
Sitting next to me was a ten year old boy. He grew up in a cabin along a river that during the Iditarod was a "Way Station." The nearest village was more than 100 miles away. And he knew his family, and another family that lived five miles upstream. That was his childhood. I tell you that, to tell you this story.
The kid was amazed at our ship. He had never seen a swimming pool. Nor had he ever had a hot dog. Nor a soda. He didn't like them when he tasted several of them. But he did like root beer. He couldn't believe the amount of people crammed into the ship. And overall, he was in a state of shock. Juno was the biggest city he had ever seen, and luckily he had been there for several days before going on board our ship.
So when he was sitting next to me...we started talking. And that conversation still sticks in my brain.
I was eating a steak. And it started.
"What kind of meat is that?"
"Beef."
"Did you kill a cow?"
"No."
"Then how did you get the meat?"
Everyone laughed. And we spent a few minutes explaining a grocery store.
So he asked me what kind of meat I usually hunt for.
"I don't hunt."
He darn near dropped his fork.
"What do you mean, you don't hunt?"
"I don't have to. I just go to the store and pick out what I want to eat."
There were some awkward silent moments. And then it started:
"So you can't hunt with a rifle?"
"No. Never have."
"Can you track an animal?"
"No. Don't know how."
He looked at his Mother...and she nodded that I was telling the truth.
"Can you hunt with a bow?"
"No. Never even shot a bow, except for a toy one when I was a kid."
"You mean you can't make a bow?"
"Wouldn't know where to start."
Another glance at his Mom. She nodded again. By this time, everyone at the table was quiet and listening to us talk.
" Can you set traps?"
"No."
"Can you skin an animal?"
"No."
He pondered this information for a bit.
"So you don't know how to make anything from an animal, like bow strings, or robes?"
"No. I don't."
"Well, do you like to fish?"
"I don't fish."
This time his Mom had to explain that you can get fish in the grocery store too.
"So you can't fish. You don't hunt. You don't know how to trap. You can't track animals. You don't use a bow or a rifle and you don't know how to skin anything."
"That's about right."
A very long silence.
"Can you get pregnant?"
Everyone laughed. Including me.
"No, I can't do that either."
His next words made all of us howl. He said it with such ultimate disgust and disdain:
"Damn, you would not even make a good woman."