The steroids and breathing treatments are not only keeping me awake...but they had me slipping down that slope that leads to memory lane. Steroids can make you big. Really big. Like WWE and Body Building Big! And some folks don't even need them to become huge. And I met two of the latter on a trip to Hawaii.
So buckle up buckaroos, and take the steps up from the bottom of the basement of my mind...all the way back to 1986....and a flight from Newark, New Jersey to Honolulu, Hawaii.

I was in Coach. Two seats on each window side, and in the middle, a row of three. My seat, was, of course, in the middle of the middle row. As I walked towards my seat 22D...sitting on the aisle seat of that row, 22 C was a man so big, that his shoulders were above the back of the seat. His head stuck out like a giant pumpkin, and he had one leg in the aisle, that stuck out a good three feet.
He was reading a newspaper.
I coughed politely, and before I could say anything, without even looking up, the giant man said:
"I am six foot seven inches tall. I weigh 362 pounds. I have a sixty one inch chest, and 23 inch biceps."
WTF?! I am sixty six inches TALL!
So I said:
"That's interesting information, Sir. But I am in the seat next to you."
He turned beet red. Folded his newspaper neatly, stood up in a crouch, and waved me in. He put my over head bag in the bin. I thanked him and settled in.
The guy on the other side watched me slide over. He smiled and said:
"Names Ben, I am six foot three. I weigh 320 pounds. I have a sixty inch chest and 20 inch biceps."
What is with these guys? How many people must ask for those details to rattle them off as a greeting.
So I said:
"Names Kevin. I am five foot six inches tall. I weigh 146 pounds. I have a 42 inch chest. And I don't think I really have biceps at all."
Well that made both men chuckle. We did polite chit chat until takeoff. During that chat I learned some things.
Japan has Sumo Wrestling. And over there it is a giant sport (No pun intended Colonel, although you could probably come up with a better one!). And Businessmen put down large bets on large men to win. Those same businessmen have a tournament once a year, where our Wrestlers go over there, and in sort of "Fight Club/ Bare Knuckle setup" - wrestle their Sumo guys. And it is sold out.
So it turns out the Japanese give our guys First Class tickets round trip. But our guys trade those tickets in, buy a Coach ticket, and then with the difference in cost, they buy their nieces a car. So that is why there were crammed, stuffed, and mashed into Coach.
So an hour into the flight, they go to sleep. And as they both took in a breath, they would squish me between them...like an accordion. It was the weirdest feeling. If I tried to push agains their massive arms (believe me there was no fighting for the arm rests...they owned them. Period. ) they didn't even notice my feeble nudges.
Three hours in to the flight I had to pee. Luckily the giant who had let me in, was awake. I told him I had to go pee. Fully expecting him to get up and let me out. As soon as I unfastened my seat belt, he just reached over, picked me up like a two year old, twisted his body with me dangling over his head, and set me softly down in the aisle. People broke out clapping and laughing. He bowed in his seat. I laughed too.
But inside I was stunned. I had just run up against real strong man strength. It was sort of unnerving to realize that noting I could do, without ammo and some space...could stop that man.
If he decided I was gay, my only hope would be Therapy. Until that day, I thought I could handle myself okay...and at least put up a fight. That small example of what truly strong people are capable of...well, that fantasy died instantly. They are a different Species. No wonder so many NFL Linemen were State or Collegiate Champion Wrestlers. Big, fast, strong, and quick. Yikes.
I stayed in the Galley the rest of the flight. I wasn't going to try and eat between behemoths. I would have looked like a tiny pair of T rex hands trying to reach my food.
I came back just before landing. The big guys thanked me for leaving the seat empty for almost eight hours. They each slipped me a hundred bucks, and said thanks.
Then they went to catch their flight to Japan. I went to my Hotel, called Kathy an told her I now know what it feels like when you are three years old, and your Dad pulls you up into his arms to carry you to the car. She laughed. I hope they won their matches.