Am I a bad NCO or just inexperienced?

Americans don't like to be told what to do. For those that signed up... too damn bad. Now that you are a Corporal you shouldn't care if the soldiers think you are a bitch. They are no longer your peers or friends. Cordial is OK, but you should not ever be involved in "friendly" social engagement with them. If they fall under your authority by billet or assignment , permanent or temporary; you issue orders, they comply... period. What you are going through now, almost all new NCO's go through. If when it's all over and done, would it be so bad if your tombstone said "Man that bitch was tough, but she was fair."

You need to have a long serious discussion with your senior NCO's and SNCO's. Explain what you are experiencing. Make sure that your chain of command knows you want to solve the problem yourself. You just want to know where the edge of the performance envelope is. Make sure you have a pretty firm understanding of where the command stands on discipline and will back the level of discipline you implement. Furthermore, make sure that if you are defied, the command will back you up with pretty extreme measure. If you ever bluff or make a play that your seniors won't back, you're dead in the water.

What I am going to say to you now is not very politically correct, none-the-less it is true. Most Women leaders, do not do "pissed off" well. They cannot do R. Lee Ermey (the Marine pictured above). Most men, particularly junior soldiers find an angry senior female funny. What throws them off balance is cool, calm, deliberate, unemotional application of discipline. DO NOT LET THEM KNOW THEY GOT UNDER YOUR SKIN... EVER!!!!! The only time you should raise your voice is to be heard over background noise or if you need to get someone's attention to prevent injury or property damage. You may find that getting just inside their personal space and speaking in a quiet firm voice will also throw them off-balance and build your credibility. Never discipline when you are in an agitated state. If the situation will allow it, there's a lot to be said for "Come find me at the ______, when the rest of the unit is secured. If I am not there, wait for me." Once they are there have them stand by until you've done everything else you need to do before you secure for the day. Then deal with them.

In general... ask once. If you do not get immediate intelligent obedience after you ask, then tell. If you do not get immediate intelligent obedience after you tell, then discipline. Once you hit the discipline stage, make sure your disciplinary measure fits within the guidance you got earlier from your senior NCO's and SNCO's. Then implement the discipline...do not be dissuaded.

Finally, it is better to discipline one time harshly than one hundred times lightly.

Better to be disliked than to be walked all over by a bunch of lazy Joes, especially if you know you're doing the right things.

Welcome to the Army! You want to be a leader? Get used to being looked at as a bitch. Before I married my wife she was a charge nurse at a hospital I was admitted into. The JR enlisted would talk to me about how they didn’t like the officers, especially the night charge nurse. They talked to me cause we were all JR enlisted and I was there for so long. As I listened to them complain it stuck me that it was because she was making them do their job. She had always been the enforcer, at home and at work. I guess it helps that she’s a yankee from Boston. So learn to deal with it if you plan to stay in. And congratulations- you have our respect.

SGT (Join to see)
1st thought, your not there to be their friend, your there to be a leader.. That does not mean you cant be friendly or have subordinates that are friends, it means its not part of the duty.

Fair, constant and appropriate .... the appropriate one some times gets inexperienced leaders in hot water.
Fair.: Policy, the Army blouse will be worn sleeves down in the Motor pool.
Consistent: I enforced that with a SPC this morning., a SGT at lunch, so I should mention it to the SSG I see not following the policy now.
Appropriate: Is it a safety issue? NO> Does it need to be corrected (mentioned since its senior person) Yes, but no real down side to waiting 30 min > SGT Marquez strides up to SSG Bob who is working with his squad inventorying BII and reminds the SSG of the uniform policy in the MP.
Fair yes, Constant, yes Appropriate, likely not..... when a "Hey SSG, can you come in to the office a sec, Id like to get your opinion on something....." and 10 min later a conversation can be had in privet.

SGT (Join to see) so be Fair, constant and appropriate and wiling to accept sometimes its neither the time or place to make a correction. Add to that, many times you can have a conversation in privet with a peer, subordinate or senior that will modify behavior in a positive way, that would have been much different if the discussion had taken place in public, where defenses go up, appearances are defined and defended

SGT (Join to see) You will be a SGT before your peers because you are a leader. Leaders must have expectations of followers. Soldiers will only realize that you were their best leader after they work for someone else who is a wuss and won't hold everyone to the same standard. Then they will get upset when that leader is not fair and consistent like you were.
So keep doing what you are doing and it will be SGT, then SSG then SFC Thornberry.
Or
You can look at the Warrant or Officer side as well, we need leaders that have expectations and hold soldiers to standards.
God Speed in your pursuits!

Corporal sage Thornberry, Great topic. I commend you for challenging your self and analyzing your leadership style. The very fact that you are willing to call yourself out demonstrates you are willing to learn and a will be a positive source for change. We all need to learn. When I was in command, I always told the officers And NCOs that I worked with that I do not expect perfection. That have never learned anything by doing something right. It is our mistakes and failures that demonstrate to us what we need to learn and help us grow. Failure is our best teacher and although painful, growth is painful. The ability to ask for advice, analyzeYour behavior and leadership style and admit to failures and change will make you a great leader. You just have to be patient and keep working hard.

A very simple piece of advice that has helped me through my career.

You get what you tolerate. What you allow is what will continue.

I won't steal the NCOs' and SNCOs' thunder here...they, not I, can give you the best advice.

What I will say, as someone who once learned a great deal from, and continues to have infinite respect for the NCO community, is this...leadership is often lonely. If we let everyone "do as they please", the "menial", but essential tasks wouldn't get done. Someone has to be the "bad guy", take charge, and ensure what needs to be done, gets done. This, along with the fact that they've done it all themselves before, is why non-commissioned officers "run" the Services.

From what I experienced, much of that involved "presence"...the best NCOs I served with were confident and consistent. About the best thing a shaky new "butter bar" (or "salty" O-3, making it up as he goes along) can hear is when one of these professionals says, "Good idea Sir". The second best is when they pulled him aside and said, "Sir, can I speak to you a second?" That's because a good NCO is not only a leader, but an example and a mentor, both up and down their COC.

I can't possibly know, but I presume they build that presence over time and hard experience. NCOs "know" because they've seen it, done it, and heard it all. The longer they're around, the more experience they get, and the better they (hopefully) become. Hang in there, because "we're" counting on you, and need you.

Basing my opinion off of what you've said, the problem isn't you, it's everyone else. There's nothing wrong with being blunt or stern. If someone can't handle it they shouldn't have put themselves in position to get the talking to. Loosing your cool is going to happen. Everyone has their limits. If the situation called for it, then that's not your problem. If you really did overreact because you were having a bad day or whatever, take some time to cool off and go back, pull the person aside, and apologize for the way that you approached the situation. There's no shame in admitting that you were wrong for reacting the way you did. I've seen a LTC do it. He was already pissed off about something and flipped on the wrong person then came back later in the day and apologized.

Don't question or doubt yourself because other people are F'ed up.

SGT (Join to see) As a Corporal and Sergeant, I was also a bulldog. When verbally counseling, try to leave emotions out of it, and stick to the facts. Try to always maintain your decorum. it takes time to learn how to be become an excellent NCO. You will make mistakes, and that is ok, just do not repeat the same mistakes.