Dangers in telling your children explicit details of war stories!

There's a reason most war veterans don't talk to those who haven't "been there, done that" - because there's absolutely NO point of reference for those who have never experienced the horrors to even begin to understand. Each veteran's story within them is a personal one - telling children that story when they are children is a bad idea, no matter what the shrinks, etc. say. Time and Place.

'Nuff said.

CH (CPT) Heather Davis. Unless there is an awfully good reason to go into the details, I would keep any discussion on the most superficial level . . . and if there is a good reason to go into significant detail with someone . . . whether family member or therapist . . . I would make certain they are actively engaged with a therapist to be able to process any concerns.

Veterans who have somewhat similar experiences may be able to handle more . . . but even then one must be careful to watch their expression and listen carefully to their words for any signs of their distress. Medical procedures particularly mascal experiences may need to be shared with people who will handle similar situations but even then presentation must be carefully paced for the sake of your students. There are lessons to be learned . . . and some of those lessons are best kept for others who must assess whether they really seriously want to work in your field and to prepare for work. Otherwise I would question the wisdom of sharing any but the most superficial details. Warmest Regards, Sandy

I have stories that I haven't told my WIFE yet, much less my children. I guess I am having a hard time understanding why anyone would tell all the gory details to a child. My children know I was in a war. They know it was dangerous. But they also knew that daddy was well-trained and would do the right thing.

Until they are adults or perhaps a bit earlier if they consider joining, they don't need to know much more than that.

I have never nor will I ever go into specific details of any combat events, situations, or engagement with my children, be they children or adult. There is no way for them to relate to what I would be saying other than to TV/movies and that's just that...TV/Movies. They would not be able to fully grasp or understand the emotions involved. Which is why I have never talked about it with anyone, other than with those who "have" experienced themselves.

I've been asked what was it like by my sons and daughters, and I've taken time to sit down with them and explain that no matter how I put it into words they would not be able to fully understand the feelings I and others who have been there have experienced.

Some may say, I'm keeping these feeling repressed and closed in. I say, you're right. I felt it, I lived it, it's mine and I keep it to myself. I do not have PTSD, mood swings, no depression. I don't have nightmares, so I call myself fortunate compared to the so many who do have the issues I just mentioned. do I ever think about it, yes, but usually triggered by something I read, see on TV or when a few of us get together.

I have one son in the Navy and one who is getting ready to join either the Army or the Navy. Hopefully neither one of them will have to experience what many of us have seen and done. But if so and then they wish to talk, I will be there to listen, relate and help as much as I can. But fortunately that time has not come and I hope it never does....for them.

Thanks for the statement CH (CPT) Heather Davis and I think it transcends 'war stories' to anything graphic, explicit or violent in detail. I am currently dealing with my youngest son who evidently saw something on TV at a friends house having to do with burglars breaking in to a house and harming the occupants. He has experienced several sleepless nights and bad dreams due to this. I've tried several ways of talking to him about this issue and have not found the solution yet that will solve his uneasiness. Children are more impressionable than we give them credit for.

This reminds of what my daughter tells me when I go play Army. I tell her that I am soldier and I fight the bad guys. She asks if I kill them and I just reply with "I just stop them from doing bad things." She then tells me to only shoot the bad guys and not the good guys.

CH (CPT) Heather Davis This is informative thank you.

I myself have difficulty dealing with violence in movies to the point of having sleeplessness for a period of time. Because of this, I rarely watch movies Thant I know are intensely violent. I would never advise sharing every single detail of war that I personally have experienced with anyone who I feel could not handle it, especially younger children.

I am Glad that I never had to see the Results of my Actions. I can't even imagine the Emotional Trauma. Unfortunately I am aware enough to know what Havoc I have wreaked but without the excess baggage I can share the worst of my actions and hopefully people will think before they try and walk in my footsteps.

I haven't and probably won’t talk to my children about my experiences. This is not because I am ashamed of anything that I have done or that I don’t agree with what has been done or the fact that they might look at me differently, they just wouldn’t understand.
I have spoken with my wife a few times and tried to talk to her about my deployed time however she doesn't understand. There are just some things that are difficult to understand unless you were in that situation. When I am with people that have been there I can talk for hours and listen to their stories, but its because they understand and I don’t have to stop and explain everything. If asked I will engage but I don’t go into details because it just brings more questions.