Posted on Jan 5, 2014
Do you counsel your Soldiers before they get married and if so, what topics do you cover?
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Posted in these groups: 
Counseling
Marriage
Counseling Marriage
Posted 12 y ago
Responses: 22
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I'm sorry, but I think counseling soldiers on marriage should be limited to where to get services, etc. Anything beyond that is outside the scope of leadership. As hard as it is to understand for some, the military isn't a substitute parent. Troops need leaders, not another set of Moms and Dads.
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yes. but only to the requirements that are inherent with having dependents, IE deers enrollment, tricare enrollment, BAH, housing etc. More to ensure the soldier is doing the right thing by taking care of his/her spouse and/or kids if they are coming with the new spouse.
I've also sat down with both of them and had an informal discussion about the unit, our mission, what she spouse can expect during their stay, what agencies are out there for their support etc. And also so they know who I am so they know who they can call if they need help.
Most of the time I have done this completely informally, nothing on paper, unless the soldier failed to complete basic tasks that are required by regulation, e.g. ID card, Deers, adequate housing, etc.
I've also sat down with both of them and had an informal discussion about the unit, our mission, what she spouse can expect during their stay, what agencies are out there for their support etc. And also so they know who I am so they know who they can call if they need help.
Most of the time I have done this completely informally, nothing on paper, unless the soldier failed to complete basic tasks that are required by regulation, e.g. ID card, Deers, adequate housing, etc.
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Leadership should refer all counseling to the Chaplin, when the PC police rid the services of the Chaplin, then it will surely have to be addressed by leadership. It is my belief that getting married should involve counseling, I do remember mine with the unit Chaplin and he was ghostly white saying that he thought we were headed for imminent failure, but he signed the papers anyway. It should be harder to get married, that way the divorce rates may fall to normal levels.
Topics covered in mine were the family trees and special situations, the Chaplin was very clear that extended family severely affect a marriage, and boy was he right.
Topics covered in mine were the family trees and special situations, the Chaplin was very clear that extended family severely affect a marriage, and boy was he right.
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MSG Shawn Eaton
CW5 Sam Baker, I agree with parts of what you said. Chaplin is a great resource to use but it wouldn't hurt to have engaged leadership as well. The Soldiers need to hear it from all angels if you ask me.
The part I disagree with is what you wrote," It should be harder to get married, that way the divorce rates may fall to normal levels." Getting married shouldn't be hard. I believe raising our children to believe that marriage is a sacred thing and lead by example by staying married ourselves would help decrease the divorce rate. If society would spend a small portion on time on the importance of marriage and the effects it has on oneself then our children and Soldiers would begin to look at it differently. Thus, preparing them to make better decisions about marriage. Besides I'm not sure what normal levels are for divorce.
The part I disagree with is what you wrote," It should be harder to get married, that way the divorce rates may fall to normal levels." Getting married shouldn't be hard. I believe raising our children to believe that marriage is a sacred thing and lead by example by staying married ourselves would help decrease the divorce rate. If society would spend a small portion on time on the importance of marriage and the effects it has on oneself then our children and Soldiers would begin to look at it differently. Thus, preparing them to make better decisions about marriage. Besides I'm not sure what normal levels are for divorce.
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I believe we should. If they are open to it, going to see the chaplain can be a good idea (for pre-marital counseling). Even if you are not religious, you can learn quite a few things that will be helpful.
I know for us there is strong bonds, and other programs to help marriages/relationships last. I saw the best soldiers become a shell of their former selves when confronted with marital issues. And it can affect the readiness of the unit. Whatever we can do to support the moral and welfare of the soldier should always be a priority.
I know for us there is strong bonds, and other programs to help marriages/relationships last. I saw the best soldiers become a shell of their former selves when confronted with marital issues. And it can affect the readiness of the unit. Whatever we can do to support the moral and welfare of the soldier should always be a priority.
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I do not believe that they need to be counseled in writing, but I do believe that they need to be told informally of their obligations for their dependents and what resources that they have available to them.
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I am so grateful for this thread! My soldier is getting married soon and I wasn't sure where to even begin with my responsibilities as her leader.
Does anyone know if there are still limitations on Army dependents' rights in same sex marriages?
Does anyone know if there are still limitations on Army dependents' rights in same sex marriages?
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I have in the past MSG Phil Herndon and I spoke from the heart, despite my own marriage not being one to emulate. I always said that communication is key and that marriage isn't a competition. Support each other's hopes and dreams and be willing to sacrifice for each other. Also, if you can't trust each other 100% then what is the point of sharing your lives together?
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I was counseled and I counsel. We were told as boots "you will not get married until approved through the chain of command!" lol
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I had a case recently where one of my Soldiers married another Soldier from another platoon and I wish that she would've given me the chance to counsel her on different things (dual military, she is guard, he is active), set her up with a finance counselor, proper procedure to clear the b's, set up BAH, etc instead of them going the wrong way about this, and instead it turned into a negative counseling with some corrective training attached to it
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