Posted on Jun 27, 2015
Do you think Officers and NCO's should be allowed to date or get married as long as they are not in the same Chain of Command?
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Responses: 98
Unless something has changed recently officers and enlisted have always been allowed to marry just not date. It's a loophole in the reg's but one that has been used over the years.
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Absolutely! I have no idea why the difference between officer and enlisted even exists anymore. Incredibly antiquitated. Most the NCOs I work with have college degrees or more. Why does the officer ranks exists anymore? Combine it into a rank system not based upon a caste system our nation was not founded upon, and against, anyway?
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CW4 (Join to see), I thought I had commented on this earlier but going through the comments I guess I didn't. Maybe I replied to a similar thread.
Anyway, after careful consideration I have changed my opinion on this matter. My opinion used to be "no way."
Now my opinion is this: If not in the same Chain of Command, or stationed at the same command (which is actually a rule in the Navy's fraternization policy when it comes to E7-E9 dating E6 and below), no problem. There would be issues to be worked out of course when it comes time for the members to PCS. Their respective detailers would have to work together to ensure the members would never go to the same command (I think this should be a rule if the fraternization policy between Officers and Enlisted changes). Also, if the members are in different branches (Army to Air Force as mentioned by one member for example) it also should not be an issue.
I could also go over the reasons why I changed my opinion, but they're the same as everyone else who has changed their minds here.
The only time I personally have seen cases of Officer and Enlisted dating it WAS an issue because in both cases the Officer and Enlisted were in the same chain of command. In the second case, the enlisted person got discharged and the officer got a Letter of Intent or Letter of Reprimand, whatever it's called for an Officer, meaning that his career was immediately over.
Anyway, after careful consideration I have changed my opinion on this matter. My opinion used to be "no way."
Now my opinion is this: If not in the same Chain of Command, or stationed at the same command (which is actually a rule in the Navy's fraternization policy when it comes to E7-E9 dating E6 and below), no problem. There would be issues to be worked out of course when it comes time for the members to PCS. Their respective detailers would have to work together to ensure the members would never go to the same command (I think this should be a rule if the fraternization policy between Officers and Enlisted changes). Also, if the members are in different branches (Army to Air Force as mentioned by one member for example) it also should not be an issue.
I could also go over the reasons why I changed my opinion, but they're the same as everyone else who has changed their minds here.
The only time I personally have seen cases of Officer and Enlisted dating it WAS an issue because in both cases the Officer and Enlisted were in the same chain of command. In the second case, the enlisted person got discharged and the officer got a Letter of Intent or Letter of Reprimand, whatever it's called for an Officer, meaning that his career was immediately over.
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As longs at they don't have an influence on each others careers it shouldn't matter
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Different jobs, different units, who cares. That's like saying the VP of marketing and the Mail room supervisor of a large corporation get married and it will cause problems. You simply have to have the skill set and resume to move up. Our resume is our ERB and our skill set is our Rank in which we earn. So who does it really effect? Nobody.
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I believe as long as they are not in the same chain of command officers and enlisted should be able to date. It might even help us get to know "the other side" better.
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If they can keep their personal life from their work separate then it should be okay. We already have NCOs marrying each other and I don't see any conflicts going on since they keep reminding each "when im at work, im not your hubby."
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In my opinion, it shouldn't matter if they are not in the same chain of command. No one should be able to dictate who one can and cannot date or marry. Love is love.
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CW4 (Join to see) I don't think about it, as AR 600-20 says no way... So that is law of the land. I was in the Army when this latest version was floated, and it seemed over the top. That said, I don't see the issue, if they are not in the same organization.
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IMO, I think that the Fraternization Policy should be updated alongside the updates of DADT, Transgender, and any other 'lifestyle' conflictions that are currently being looked at. The history of Fraternization evolved from a caste system that was later updated to the policy of keeping good order and discipline. The reason why there is a similarity to why Fraternization should be reviewed along side DADT and other lifestyle policies is the same reason why there was a separation of genders, and why same sex sexual interests had policies against them, to the core they all have to do with good order and behavior. I know its not as simple to combine these areas, however to make my point quick, I will use just that standard of 'keeping good order and discipline'. The military is currently undergoing an extreme update when it comes to lifestyles and military traditions be it women in ranger school, DADT repealed, Same-sex benefits, and now the question if transgender will be accepted. All of these in a sense can cause a disruption to a good order and result into negative discipline. However we are the U.S Military, and when we are face with a brick in the wall, we find a policy to go around that brick and accomplish the mission! The Same Sex laws were passed due to Marriage equality, why should there be a prejudice of rank, when we have long moved passed race, and now gender? Some say because of unfavorable preference between the Chain of Command. To offer an advisement to that notion, if we are able to over come same sex sexual interests in same sex dormitories for training, and deployed locations, that would easily effect the good order and discipline, then why cant we come together to put the correct verbiage on an up to date policy on unprofessional relationships. How about, it is ill-advised for relationships within the members Chain of Command, however the Members Unit will handle at the lowest level on disciplinary actions if misconduct arises. Or something similar within rank, mil-to-mil marriages. As for personnel with joint spouse for an 'O' and 'E' marriage, maintain the highest ranking individual drives the assignment. There are currently 'O' and 'E' marriages in the military due to the grandfather policy, AFPC still makes it work with assignments to those individuals. Also speaking on the fact there is already mixed rank marriages, you do not see that causing a disruption to the good order and discipline of the military. Perseverance and being adaptable is what we need to be our cornerstone with all of these lifestyle changes.
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I have never seen the problem as long as both parties are mature enough to separate home life from work. There are people dating/ married in the same shop among enlisted and it's basically the same principle. i know the difference- I'm just saying.
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I have seen it once. It isn't an issue if they aren't in the same COC and if they are geographically separated, it would be even better.
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The fact that officers and enlisted soldiers are not allowed to marry while both are on active duty is utterly ridiculous. What is the difference if they are allowed to enlist together or separately as a couple or being married while on active duty? The bottom line is this, the relationship between an officer and an enlisted soldier still exist. The military needs to butt out of people's relationship. I remember being a young SGT in March 2000 when couples were rushing to get married to meet the military's suspense.
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CW4 (Join to see)
Not in the Army it isn't. It happens but it's against current regulations for fraternization.
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I dont see a problem with it. I have known several such couple. As long as its outside the chain and they are professional in dealing with it. especially reserve components where most of their lives is spend outside the military.
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I believe they should be able to date or marry...big military should not be allowed to tell you who you can and cannot be allowed to date/marry as long as it's professional when at work.
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Why not, everything else has changed. I think we should be able to grow facial hair and have ponytails if we want also. Sad what the military has become.
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As long as they can avoid the appearance of an unprofessional relationship... IMO, it should be treated no differently than any other relationship involving different ranks.
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I don't think it should matter as long as they're not in the same battalion
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As long as it does not deter from morale and unit effectiveness. Airmen both enlisted and officers have many commonality. Even what use to separate us, a 4 year degree, is no longer the case with junior enlisted working on master degrees. Relationships will be built and humans are sexual creatures.
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No. My opinion is absolutely not. No one should look or find spouses within the military without leaving the military. It is not a dating pool. No matter what orientation. If you want a relationship you both leave.
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LCpl Todd Houston
Maj. wow! I can certainly see your point of view, and you are very adamant about it as well. Being an officer, I am sure you have seen this many times in your career, but your response seems like this issue is almost very personal for you. I can respect that. However, without knowing WHY you feel this way, I am afraid I don't quite understand. I was a lance corporal when I was in, but that was back in 1988 and I was battling my own demons at the time unrelated to this. The Marine Corps was always very strict about billeting. As a Marine would get promoted into a leadership role, by the next day he or she would most likely get a new room assignment. Even after hours pool at the e-club was frowned upon if there was alcohol involved, and there always was. I "lost" a few friends and roommates I had this way. If we wanted to do anything, we had to go off base or at least to a different camp on base. It was ridiculous. Nothing official was ever done that I knew of, but I heard all the time of our c.o. pulling these newly minted corporals aside to explain his expectations and policies about spending off duty time with subordinates unless it way a group activity. The issue was always about unit morale. Ironically, his policies did much more to lower morale than any game of pool or pitcher of beer I ever saw. HOWEVER, I very much respected my c.o. because no matter what, he went to bat for every one of his Marines, regardless of circumstance. We had one Marine that was lesbian and another that was gay, and it was becoming an issue for reasons I won't get into here. Rather than to submit paperwork to have them removed from the Corps, he found a way to keep these very valuable Marines by having them pick a wedding day so that he could put in for a 96 hour pass for them. Problem solved. Another example closer to home? I kept a loaded handgun in the barracks. He told me about an incident he had with our commanding general who noticed a weapon he had in his car one day because he had forgotten to put it back in his house after going shooting. The general then told him he couldn't even keep it in his home unless he lived off base. All personal weapons had to be in the armory, period. He could have put me up on charges and I would have had to stand a court martial. I would have been done for, but he didn't. He didn't stop there though. Very informally he talked to me to find out what was going on with me. He then helped me there as well. It was that day that I learned how to interact with subordinates not only in the Marine Corps, but for the rest of my life. My dad was killed when I was young and I had missed out on a lot of life lessons. I was truly blessed having the leadership I needed in my unit at that time. I know this is a little off topic now, but my point is, any leader who approaches every situation as black or white and does not look to the issues at hand and make a judgment call that is not only good for the mission and the unit, but also the people involved, is simply not a leader. Please don't misunderstand me, this is NOT what I am saying about you, I am only telling of my observations and experiences I remember of being a young Marine many years ago and to how they have affected me since.
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LTC (Join to see)
I feel this way because the road to the future is a fully integrated military without gender or sexual orientation barriers. You cannot command the respect of your soldiers while dating or courting them. Romance and sexual relationships present an incredibly disruptive force, damaging unit cohesion and esprit de corps. Over the years I have heard and seen the many problems and damaging effects. No one has the right to place their personal or sexual relationships ahead of the combat team or the needs of the Army/Military. There are billions of people on the planet, why would someone risk putting their own romantic interests ahead of unit cohesion?
Regarding losing friends due to leadership positions: 'the mantle of leadership is heavy and not all can or will chose to bear it'. No one is forced into leadership. You are offered an opportunity to lead and by accepting it you buy in to taking the bad with the good parts. There are significant costs of being in charge. Command changes the nature of many of your relationships with in your unit from peers to Senior Officers. I have Commanded from E1-06 and can attest that leadership is rewarding but with significant cost.
Regarding losing friends due to leadership positions: 'the mantle of leadership is heavy and not all can or will chose to bear it'. No one is forced into leadership. You are offered an opportunity to lead and by accepting it you buy in to taking the bad with the good parts. There are significant costs of being in charge. Command changes the nature of many of your relationships with in your unit from peers to Senior Officers. I have Commanded from E1-06 and can attest that leadership is rewarding but with significant cost.
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Everyone and everything else can now, "thanks" to the SCOTUS. Why not military personnel? Or will that need to go through the judicial system, too???
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Chief, I believe the regulation should change. The army makes ppl take rushed decisions and then in return there's a ton of divorces, soldier's minds are somewhere else, and the unit morale can get affected. With the new reg that came out saying NCOs could not date or hang out with enlisted, do you know how many ppl had to make a rush decision to get married. I know a couple of my fellow NCOs that had to make that decision. As long as the officer is not in the enlisted chain of command I don't see why it would be an issue. I think they could be in the same brigade as long as the officer is not directly in charge of the enlisted and they are in separate companies, etc.
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LTC (Join to see)
I understand your point on rushed marriages but NCOs are also leaders. Leaders should not be dating or courting those they supervise.
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No big deal here. We can all be professional about it. However, something must of happened in the past for this to be considered. Because like a majority of situations there must be a solution (regulation).
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I feel as long as they're in different branches of service then yes they should be able to date. If I wanted to date an Army officer, whom I will never EVER work with, I should be able to. It is not a threat to good order and discipline.
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CW4 (Join to see)
Thanks for sharing. I would have to double check but I believe that there is no legitimate rules about dating in between Military Branches but I'm not 100% sure. I never really thought about that scenario. I know plenty of people married to other service members from a different branch but they were either and officer with an officer or enlisted with enlisted.
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PO1 Shahida Marmol
In the Navy's fraternization policy it states officer and enlisted, regardless of service, foreign or domestic is prohibited
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If guy female officers and a guy female enlisted soldier can get married without consequences a straight officer and an enlisted should be able as well.
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1SG (Join to see)
Question, so you saying same sex military couples can marry no matter if they are enlisted and commissioned?
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SFC (Join to see)
That's exactly what I am saying and are able to receive the same benefits as if those male and female married couples.
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