Posted on Jan 31, 2015
How do I deal with those who question the value of my service just because I never deployed?
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So I have dealt with my fair share of civilians asking me questions like if I went to Afghanistan or Iraq. I never deployed in my 3 years of service, but just over a week ago when someone asked me that and I said "No, I never deployed." He replied with, "How are you even a veteran then? You didn't even serve your country." I just stood there like a deer in headlights because I had no idea how to respond to that. The worst part was that I had this feeling that he was right, and it's been eating me up since.
The last thing I want to do is sound like some kind of princess who can't get up and brush himself off but my question is how do you deal with something like that, how do you respond and more importantly, how can I stop this feeling nagging at me?
Note: Image added by RP staff
Thanks in advance.
The last thing I want to do is sound like some kind of princess who can't get up and brush himself off but my question is how do you deal with something like that, how do you respond and more importantly, how can I stop this feeling nagging at me?
Note: Image added by RP staff
Thanks in advance.
Civilians
Selfless Service
Deployment
Posted 8 y ago
Responses: 1328
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So, this may not be terribly politically correct, but....
1. Look deeply into the eyes of this civilian who never volunteered to serve.
2. Ponder deeply all the sacrifices that you were willing to make, which he/she was not.
3. Hold your last f%ck in your cupped palm, remembering that he/she has the ability to be all judge-y because you took your turn standing on the line.
4. Open your hand and let that last f%ck fly away into the sky.
5. Carry on.
1. Look deeply into the eyes of this civilian who never volunteered to serve.
2. Ponder deeply all the sacrifices that you were willing to make, which he/she was not.
3. Hold your last f%ck in your cupped palm, remembering that he/she has the ability to be all judge-y because you took your turn standing on the line.
4. Open your hand and let that last f%ck fly away into the sky.
5. Carry on.
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SFC José Velázquez
“HONORABLE DISCHARGE." Be proud and don’t listen to dumb comments. You did accomplished service to your country. I don’t know you but we are proud of you.
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SrA Allan Yates
SPC Rebecca Cann - It sounds like your sister could be a RINO Sheep, which is not really a nickel's worth of difference from a Democrat Master Race Sheep. Either way, she is not 1/10,000th the woman you are. You have my sympathies for being burdened with her spiteful attitude and commentary - you clearly deserve better. It could be that she feels inferior to you or threatened by you; your military service and other accomplishments in life likely make her look bad by comparison - in her own eyes if not in the eyes of other family members. She may be "set for life" but exactly what did she do to get to that point? It sounds like ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, other than marrying a guy who had his act together and knew hot to create wealth. Marrying into money is not an accomplishment in my book.
I suppose you have four options in dealing with this sister: [1.] Stay away from her altogether (the "you are dead to me" approach) - don't attend gatherings where she will be and/or ask family members to invite you or her, but not both to events/gatherings. Don't answer your cell if she calls, block her number and email address. [2.] Attend events where she will be and utterly ignore her - walk away when she starts running her cake trap, don't be in the same room with her, etc. or [3.] Next time she starts mouthing off and insulting you - get in her face and tell her to STFU or [4.] some combination of the above techniques/tactics.
Only you can decide what is the best way to proceed, but IMHO it would be a good thing for you if you were to put an end to her childishness one way or another.
I suppose you have four options in dealing with this sister: [1.] Stay away from her altogether (the "you are dead to me" approach) - don't attend gatherings where she will be and/or ask family members to invite you or her, but not both to events/gatherings. Don't answer your cell if she calls, block her number and email address. [2.] Attend events where she will be and utterly ignore her - walk away when she starts running her cake trap, don't be in the same room with her, etc. or [3.] Next time she starts mouthing off and insulting you - get in her face and tell her to STFU or [4.] some combination of the above techniques/tactics.
Only you can decide what is the best way to proceed, but IMHO it would be a good thing for you if you were to put an end to her childishness one way or another.
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SPC Rebecca Cann
SrA Allan Yates - My mother slipped and told me that my sister was jealous of me because I accomplished so much when I was healthy. So, I cut sister off completely, shortly after our father died in 2007. At a family gathering in mid-2008, her youngest daughter popped off about my "lessons learned" in fighting the VA for presumptive service-connection. Sounded just as snooty as her mother. And, sister sent an e-mail shortly after telling me, "stand on your own 2 feet" regarding alternative med docs who treat me for Gulf War Illness (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I didn't read beyond the first 3 sentences, and deleted. When I had employer's insurance, I saw about 20 different doctors because so many of my human systems were destroyed during / after Desert Storm. The only person in the entirely dysfunctional family who has NEVER stood on her own 2 feet and has NEVER been sick, is sister. Especially when one is as sick as I am, have been for decades, the fight has to be focused toward personal gain and health recovery; not defense against an immature, vindictive enemy. I believe sister will get her comeuppance when she gets older and more helpless.
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SrA Allan Yates
Rebecca, you are right - your sister's crappy behavior will come back to haunt her sooner or later. The millstone of Karma grinds slowly, but it also grinds without mercy for those who have it coming to them.
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SPC Alexander Ackerman, don't drink the civilian Kool-Aid. Whatever idiot told you that you were not a veteran has never been in the military. ANYONE who is honorably serves in the U.S. Military is a veteran in my eyes. You have a DD-214, that says Honorably Discharged you are just as brave and committed as Marine Sgt Dakota Meyers. You have very little control over your duty station or whether or not you will see combat. I did a tour in the Republic of Vietnam from 1970-1971. I was not actively involved in combat and did not earn a Combat Action Ribbon. Basically, all I have are the "I was there ribbons". That does not make me any less of a Marine than my peers who received Purple Hearts and Silver Stars. It just mean circumstances did not present themselves. Just as in your case, circumstances did not present themselves. However, you do have something to hang your hat on. Unlike your "civilian" friend claims you are not a veteran, YOU went through basic training. YOU took an oath to protect and defend the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic. YOU RAISED YOU HAND AND SAID "SO HELP ME GOD" at the end of your swearing in. YOU ARE A VETERAN!!!
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CPT Jerry Lucas
SGT Michael Ripnick - Active duty, National Guard or Reserve, you did your time and did everything you were asked to do by your superiors. You volunteered, which is 100% more than those that never served. There are always others that we may feel are more deserving of a parking spot or free tickets to any event, but you ARE a veteran, just the same as all the rest of us and no one can take that from you.
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SFC Louis Willhauck, MSM, JSCM, and ARCOM
The "tip of the spear" is only a tiny part. Look at a spear and see how much of it is not the "tip" but without that part, the tip is useless. I served during the so called 'Vietnam era" and never went because I was sent on "Higher Priority" assignments. Serving is serving, end of story!
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PO1 Howard Barnes
While I served during the Cold War and mostly nothing happened, we traveled in the Sea of Japan between North Korea and Japan, in the indian ocean and other places the United States was not very well liked. I served during the first Gulf War but my ship was in the ship yard in Philly. basically as someone else on Rally Point mentioned on another subject "we are sent where we are needed" we have no real control if we are sent into combat or not. But what we are is "Ready to do what is needed if called on"
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You're not a combat veteran. Oh well. You volunteered. If you purposely avoided deployment then yes, you should feel bad. If your unit just didn't go in that time then it's not on you. Look at the other branch's deployments; Kuwait, turkey, manas. You did more than the general public. Even the combat guys deal with this when civilians ask us if we've ever killed anyone. Not everyone kills. Sometimes you're the guy pulling rear security. Civilians don't get it, hence why I don't talk about the military to them.
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SFC Louis Willhauck, MSM, JSCM, and ARCOM
Combat was not the highest priority. When I was picked (levied) to go to 'Nam I was taken off of that because I was going on a "HIGTHER PRIORITY" assignment.
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Lt Col Flight Erdoc. MD / PhD
SrA Allan Yates - Trust me, combat isn't anything to wish upon yourself, or anyone else.
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SrA Allan Yates
Lt Col Flight Erdoc. MD / PhD - I know you are right about that. According to Jocko Willinck, retired O-4 commander of SEAL team 3 and combat veteran of the Ramadi shitstorm, it is literally hell on earth. Those of us who were spared that hell are at once both grateful and regretful - it's a paradox we live with...
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