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The value of an Officer VS a NCO
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
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Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 112
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An old man is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as he slips away, the nurse says,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property?.... he had a paper route!"
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as he slips away, the nurse says,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property?.... he had a paper route!"
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TSgt Sean LaPlante
I'll be reposting this one. I hope don't mind Sgt Bodine... I know a few people especially in my family that will fall over laughing.
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Sometimes, I stop and wonder what goes through the mind of a terrorist.
(I hope it's a 7.62 NATO round.)
(I hope it's a 7.62 NATO round.)
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What do you say to someone who has two black eyes? Nothing! They've already been told twice.
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SSG Ricardo Marcial
What cries, swears and goes "thump" in the night?
2LT, no compass, no map, no batteries for NVG's.Â
2LT, no compass, no map, no batteries for NVG's.Â
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A few weeks ago a Priest ran into a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ask the Priest, "How are things with you Father?"
The priest said, "things are well, except, someone stole my bicycle."
The Rabbi said, "next Sunday why don't you preach on the Ten Commandments? When you get to the part about 'thou shalt not steal,' maybe the person will feel guilty and bring it back."
"Why thank you Rabbi, I think I shall try that."
The next they met again.
The Rabbi asked, "Father, how was your service? Did you get your bike back?"
The Priest said, "yes, I did get my bike back."
"So, the person that stole it felt guilty?"
"No, when I got to the part about 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife', I remembered where I left my bicycle"
The Rabbi ask the Priest, "How are things with you Father?"
The priest said, "things are well, except, someone stole my bicycle."
The Rabbi said, "next Sunday why don't you preach on the Ten Commandments? When you get to the part about 'thou shalt not steal,' maybe the person will feel guilty and bring it back."
"Why thank you Rabbi, I think I shall try that."
The next they met again.
The Rabbi asked, "Father, how was your service? Did you get your bike back?"
The Priest said, "yes, I did get my bike back."
"So, the person that stole it felt guilty?"
"No, when I got to the part about 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife', I remembered where I left my bicycle"
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Another goodun
A daughter asks her Dad, “Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn’t understand.
He said that I have beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper.”
Her Dad replied, “You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe.”
A daughter asks her Dad, “Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn’t understand.
He said that I have beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper.”
Her Dad replied, “You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe.”
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Every time I read some great jokes I have to copy and paste them into this question. I turned 70 on 24 June, and my wife forwarded these jokes to me. Enjoy!
Subject: When you're over 70 who gives a shit
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"
I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?"
She said "Yea", I got a pen".
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you".
Cost me 6 stitches.
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Subject: When you're over 70 who gives a shit
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"
I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?"
She said "Yea", I got a pen".
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you".
Cost me 6 stitches.
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
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Everyone knows that each of the branches has a different definition of the same word. Take secure for instance. Say it to the Navy , and they will evacuate, sealing all the water tight doors on the way out. Say it to the Army, and they will set up a perimeter. Say it to the Marines, and they will destroy a target with superior force of arms. Say it to the Air Force, and they will take out a 3 year lease with option to buy.
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