What is the strangest excuse you have heard from someone calling out sick?

SSgt Alex Robinson I have heard heard this story reprinted several times, but it is just too good to pass up:

A gentleman was working on his motorcycle and cleaned up some gasoline that had been spilled with paper towels. He threw the paper towels in his toilet, and without flushing, sat down on the toilet. While "doing his business" he lit a lit a cigarette and smoked it. When finished he threw the still lit butt into the toilet where, of course, it created quite a reaction, burning the man's rear end, legs and private parts. His Wife called for emergency assistance. As the paramedics were carrying the man to the waiting ambulance, he explained what had happened, and one of the paramedics began to laugh so hard that the man was tipped over, and he ended up also breaking an arm.

Try explaining all that to your boss !! :-)

One off my Soldier call that her car could not start so she was going to be late...
She was on post housing, across the street (200m) from the office.... Walk....

It is an old story, but it always makes me smile...

"Respected sir,

When I got to the top of the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked down some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam, with a pulley, at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels of bricks.
When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left over.
I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom and then went up and filled the barrel with the extra bricks.
Then, I went to the bottom and cast off the rope.
Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground.
I decided to hang on!
Halfway up, I met the barrel coming down... and received a severe blow on the shoulder.
I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley!
When the barrel hit the ground, it burst it's bottom... allowing all the bricks to spill out.
I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed!
Halfway down... I met the barrel coming up and received severe injury to my shins!
When I hit the ground... I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges!
At this point... I must have lost my presence of mind... because I let go of the line!
The barrel then came down... giving me a very heavy blow and putting me in hospital!

I respectfully request 'sick leave'.