Posted on Jul 31, 2021
Here Are 8 Indisputable Reasons Kids MUST Wear Masks At School
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Satire alert! Satire alert!
You may have heard that kids from kindergarten all the way through college will be required to wear masks when they go back to school this fall. You may also have a problem with this because you aren't wise in the ways of science like we are. It's ok-- we're here to help.
Here are eight reasons masking is a must.
1) Kids aren't real people and they don't have any feelings: Kids are pretty much just noise and snot factories. They won't even remember this time in their lives, so you're definitely not traumatizing them or anything.
2) Kids try to manipulate you with their cute little faces: Take control by covering those faces up!
3) It's never too early to teach complete, unquestioning loyalty to the government: It's the most important virtue.
4) Breathing in CO2 all day will make them more complacent and easier to indoctrinate: That's when you can fill their brains with race and gender theory!
5) As white kids struggle to breathe, you can remind them that every breath of oxygen they take could have been taken by a student of color: You can then remind the students of color that the white kids are stealing all their oxygen.
6) Masks muffle kids' annoying voices: Kids are always asking questions, like "why are you making us wear masks?" in their little annoying voice. Muffle that noise and give yourself some peace and quiet.
7) Since your students are already conveniently masked, you can take them to participate in the local Antifa rally: Burning businesses is the best way for students to learn about peaceful civic action.
8) Masks will help everyone look more gender-neutral: This will help students embrace their true identity without biological identity getting in the way.
Just put on the mask and don't ask any more questions. HAIL SCIENCE!
You may have heard that kids from kindergarten all the way through college will be required to wear masks when they go back to school this fall. You may also have a problem with this because you aren't wise in the ways of science like we are. It's ok-- we're here to help.
Here are eight reasons masking is a must.
1) Kids aren't real people and they don't have any feelings: Kids are pretty much just noise and snot factories. They won't even remember this time in their lives, so you're definitely not traumatizing them or anything.
2) Kids try to manipulate you with their cute little faces: Take control by covering those faces up!
3) It's never too early to teach complete, unquestioning loyalty to the government: It's the most important virtue.
4) Breathing in CO2 all day will make them more complacent and easier to indoctrinate: That's when you can fill their brains with race and gender theory!
5) As white kids struggle to breathe, you can remind them that every breath of oxygen they take could have been taken by a student of color: You can then remind the students of color that the white kids are stealing all their oxygen.
6) Masks muffle kids' annoying voices: Kids are always asking questions, like "why are you making us wear masks?" in their little annoying voice. Muffle that noise and give yourself some peace and quiet.
7) Since your students are already conveniently masked, you can take them to participate in the local Antifa rally: Burning businesses is the best way for students to learn about peaceful civic action.
8) Masks will help everyone look more gender-neutral: This will help students embrace their true identity without biological identity getting in the way.
Just put on the mask and don't ask any more questions. HAIL SCIENCE!
Here Are 8 Indisputable Reasons Kids MUST Wear Masks At School
Posted from babylonbee.comPosted in these groups: 
Satire
Satire
Edited 3 y ago
Posted 3 y ago
Responses: 10
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Teach the little buggers who’s boss early and they’ll be easy to control as adults.
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You can also take them with you to rob a bank, the more masks in the crowd the harder it would be to identify you. Doh!! almost forgot, you have to take a few tall kids too, most of them are shorter and so you'd still be easy to spot.
On a more serious note, I remember the first time I had to go into a bank with a mask on, felt really weird.
On a more serious note, I remember the first time I had to go into a bank with a mask on, felt really weird.
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1LT Voyle Smith
In Texas, you would been shot from at least three directions before you took your third step inside the building. We have our standards to uphold.
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