I thought about the worst date I ever went on. A blind date. It has become legendary...even mythical...among the two other people who were on it with me. They even made me tell the story at our 50 Year HS Reunion. So here goes:

One of my best friends was going to College when I was transferred to a Reserve Unit in my home town . He called me one night and asked me if I wanted to go out with this girl, so he could be with the girl he had a crush on (and later married! 50 years and counting!). a double date. "Sure. "
We meet up. His college was out in the countryside, and miles away from our old HS.the plan was to go to our Old HS and watch a Basketball Game, and then go to the Dance afterwards. Some of our old buddies were the Band that would be playing. It would be fun.
I love to dance, My buddy will dance, but hates it. So I ask my "date" to dance. She says she hurt her foot and can't dance. So I ask my Buddy's girl to dance. "Sure." So we go out and start boogying down. Doggone if a minute later, my buddy is being dragged out to the Dance floor by the girl with the miraculous recovery of her foot. Turns out she really wanted my Buddy!
Well a couple more times like that, and then a slow dance came up...and well, you can guess how that went between the two girls. My buddies girl did not appreciate the other girl for so openly trying to snag her guy. So we left for the long Winter's drive back to the College. There was snow outside, and the chill inside the car matched it. It was dead quiet.
I was driving and my "date" was pressed so hard up against the passenger door, that the crank for the window was leaving marks. Dead silence in the back seat. His girl was fuming. So he just held her close...and not a word was spoken for almost an hour.
When we got out into the deserted roads with miles of empty corn fields on either side, I turned the lights out and drove in the dark for a bit. Well my "date" did not like that at all. She kept yelling at me and saying: "Turn the lights on! You are going to hit a cow!" She screamed every time I turned the lights out, and yelled the same thing out: "Turn the lights on! You will hit a cow!"
She was getting hysterical. But I knew my friend and his girl were enjoying it. So I kept doing it. I knew a covered bridge was coming up. So I waited until we were in the middle of it, my lights off, and very dark. She started to scream again...before the first word was out of her Mouth...I slammed on the brakes, hit the horn and yelled: "BAM ! I hit a cow!"
I turned the lights back on...and a powerful smell permeated the car. The girl had let loose of her bowels and bladder. We pulled over to the side of the road. My buddy's girl tried to wipe the girl down with some wet wipes and our undershirts. We found an old blanket in my trunk and wrapped her in it. We tried to clean the seat with snow and some old rags.
The smell, was so great we had to drive with the windows down. It was a very unpleasant last few miles. We get to the Sorority house, and we all get out of the car. My "date" puts her purse on the top of the car. Our eyes meet. She is glaring at me. And then I say something my Buddy and his Wife have never forgotten:

"What? No Kiss?"

There was no second date.