Suicide is NOT an option! Utilize your RallyPoint contacts you have veterans that care about you!!

Truer words have never been spoken ma'am. If you are in a dark place, reach out. Ask for help. You will be inspired by how many step up to the plate to provide assistance wherever and whenever possible.

CPT Davis.....I'm sorry about your nephew, my mother died two days later after I deployed. Then, a month and a half afterwards Hurricanes Katrina and Rita hit New Orleans bad. I lost my home, but Thank God my family evacuated one day before it happen. It was very stressful for me because I didn't hear from them in almost two weeks, I was TDY in Belgium at the time. I appreciate your offer to reach out to others, I'm extending the same offer for you too.

Since joining RP, I have had several people reach out to me after they learned of my Suicide attempt this past February. Thank you Chaplain Davis for your willingness to be a chaplain to those of us that don't have one.

Someone has asked if i would share my story, but i will abbreviate it somewhat.
Having dealt with survivor grief first hand can manifest itself into an ugly cancer, and that's the best way to describe.

I deployed in 04-06, MP unit was brand new, built from the ground up, many of us who had 31B as a secondary were cross-leveled into the unit. I was taken out of the fight due to what I believed was an insignificant injury, not according to doctors. I had to leave my brothers & sisters and eventually stay stateside in a support roll. My unit lost 2 Soldiers in Iraq, SGT Howard Allen on Sept 26, 2005 and CPL Jeremiah Robinson Oct 6, 2005. Their deaths were hard to accept especially Howard's. We had several non-MPs, Howard was a cook, a 92G, and cross-trained to be a MP driver. One of my responsibilities was to be one of those trainers for the non-MPs. Robinson just came to us fresh out of MP school.

Fast forward to Sept 2005, hearing the news was unsettling. It made me question myself if I did enough to train Howard in such short of time, did I forget something, was I to stringent, to lax. Then we lost Jeremiah almost 2 weeks later. I spoke to Howard's wife a few days before he was brought home. I broke down in front of her, offered my condolences and my apologies that I couldn't be there to bring him home safe. She gently reassured me that it was okay, that it wasn't my fault, there was nothing I could have done. She told me Howard loved being in the military.

As an NCO, I was taught I have an inherit responsibility to Soldiers and their families. As a leader, not only to mentor, train, coach Soldiers but I must always remember they are someone's son, daughter, sister, brother, wife, husband, father, mother. It was my job, I was entrusted to bring all my Soldiers back home safe and I failed. For years it ate at me, my wife and family even noticed very odd behaviors and moods. I drank more, got angry easier and detached more.

Before my unit got back, a Soldier very close to me, committed suicide in March 2005, she had deployed earlier, ironically it was the day after we all had our annual briefs one of which was the suicide prevention. What made it even more devastating, no one caught any of the signs, not even me. When my unit got back in 06, we lost a Soldier to suicide, SPC Scott Belcher, I don't think it was even a few days after their return. Another Soldier, got intoxicated in bar in his hometown, got into a physical altercation and died of his injuries a few weeks later, and yes it was PTSD related. In the years to follow, several other members of the unit lost the battle to PTSD:
2008 SGT Ted Duhaime, committed suicide in his backyard
2010, SFC Rick Kellog committed suicide at home while I was deployed in 09-10 in Afghanistan. My NCOIC at the tme, during the deployment, also served in the same MP unit, he was shocked when I told him the news.
2011, SFC Christopher Palmer committed suicide in his home.

A lot of thought the unit was cursed somehow. Through the years I immersed myself in being a Unit FRG Liaison, being active to take care of Soldiers and families because I wasn't going to let another one slip though my hands. All of it, the suicides and deaths, added up to the guilt & pain I was feeling. I had lost some friends over the course of the war in Iraq & Afghanistan either because of deployment or suicide. I had thought it couldn't happen to me I researched PTSD, studied it, looked for signs in everyone else because as a leader, I was charged to look out for my Soldiers, their health & welfare, their families & loved ones and bring them home safe. The hard reality & truth is that I was the last one to look at myself. I started to recognize the symptoms and learned quickly to mask them from everyone, but you can’t hide the truth from yourself. It will come to a tipping point, I will reflect on the lyrics from the rock group Creed's song ‘One last breath’: "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet aint so far down."

6 months after returning from deployment, I made an attempt on my own life, I was done, I wanted the pain, the feelings everything to just stop. Here I thought, well I'm next I guess, another victim of that MP unit's curse. I was almost successful. That edge doesn’t seem as scary now, but know this, I had a lot to reflect on, I got counseling, my wife and I got counseling. I turned to Buddhism, again, and focused on getting better by finding other ways not only to help myself but others as well.

We are taught to hide pain, push thru it, “soldier on”, “suck it up and drive on” and so forth. In dealing with PTSD, you can’t do that. Too often I hear toxic leaders, enlisted and officer, perpetuate the stigma of one seeking help is a sign of weakness, however the opposite is true, it shows true strength, personal and moral courage. Denial is a caustic and dangerous thing. It may seem like you will never find your way out and that there is just a dark hole above you, but there is a way out, it is a fight and always will be.

As someone who has walked through their own dark valley one thing I can tell you that helps is true honest caring friendships. If you see a fellow veteran or current member of the armed forces that seems to spend way too much time alone they may need a good solid friend to come alongside them. It can make a huge positive difference in their lives whether they or you realize it.

Safety: everyone's responsibility, not just safety rep.

Distress intervention: everyone's responsibility, not just mental health counselor's

Suicide intervention: everyone's responsibility, not just emergency responders or chaplains.

See the pattern?

ACT: Ask how the person's feeling. Care about his or her well-being. Treat by remaining by his or her side until more help arrives.

EVERY PROBLEM is temporary. Use appropriate TEMPORARY solutions!

You are an ardent supporter for those that need it most! There are several here in the RallyPoint community who have benefited from your generosity and encouragement. To any service-member who needs support, you are a beacon. If there is anything I can do to support your role in this endeavor, do not hesitate to ask.

Thank you for your willingness to open up and offer your services as a Chaplain, CPT Davis. I agree, there are many contacts here on RP that are willing to offer help and support and care to others, including myself.

I was quiet for years because all I knew was "Suck-it-Up." I am silent no more.

I strongly encourage this forum and hope other veterans will open up and seek the resources that they need.

Maam,

Trying to spread the word on this project. I would really like to see it succeed.
http://www.petizz.com/the-cornerstone-project.html contains a contact form to get involved with the Cave Junction, OR cornerstone project for Wounded Warriors. The site is up and running and currently undergoing some upgrades.

Hear, Hear Chaplain. Reach out to us. We really do care about you and maybe just maybe we have been there ourselves. I have had a few bumps in the Road and I want you to know how cool it is to be a Grandpa or Grandma. Makes everything worthwhile.