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"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply," said someone on some cheesy Facebook post.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
How true is that statement?
A command sergeant major once told me to pass the word about a class he would be teaching on communication. My first thought: “You interrupt every single person you speak to and you’re going to teach others how to communicate?!”
The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span.
Learning the necessary basics of “communicating effectively” doesn’t need to be an hour-long PowerPoint presentation. Here's what I have learned from a combination of a couple freshman-level psychology classes and what my MOS calls "public affairsing".
1. Stop interrupting! By virtue of rank, I see leaders doing this the most with their subordinates. How is it possible for you to fully understand what your super troop is saying if you incessantly cut them off? Some people are talkers, I get that, however most soldiers can't say two complete sentences without being cut off.
2. Take a breath in between the time the other person stops talking and you begin. It sends the message that you actually absorbed what they said rather than just rebutted.
3. Avoid your personal agenda. Leaders, if you just want to be heard, then make that clear up front, otherwise, shh. Don’t toy with your soldiers’ emotions and ask them questions if you have no intention on actually hearing them.
4. If someone has headphones in, there's a good chance they don't want to be bothered. I know paralegals and public affairs troops can relate to this! You’re sitting there trying to transcribe an interview and someone stops you to ask if you know what the chow hall is serving for lunch. Unless it's something that's necessary to say, take the hint.
5. Stop interrupting. It's not your turn to talk.
6. Stop interrupting. You don't know what the other person is going to say so don’t try to finish their sentence.
7. Stop interrupting. It's downright rude!
8. Stop interrupting. For peers: Your message isn't more important than the person speaking. For subordinates: Yes, sometimes a leader’s message is more important than yours.
9. Stop interrupting. It makes leaders look self-absorbed to the point their troops may feel like there's no point in even being there, because you could have the entire discussion by yourself.
I emphasize "stop interrupting" because it is by far the primary culprit for misunderstandings which lead to arguments. Arguments lead to broken relationships, which lead to violence and hatred, which then leads to more people walking around angry at the world. People who are angry at the world cause horrific and unnecessary wars.
Posted in these groups: Communication
Command Post
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 57
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Interrupting is one of the rudest things a person can do because it shows a complete lack of respect for the person and what he/she is trying to say. If someone interrupts me in an otherwise constructive debate, I immediately respond with, "I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" Usually shuts them up.
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Extremely relevant contribution S/Sgt Woods. Thank you for sharing that. Lawyers interrupt Judge's at their peril, but how often have we gotten in the way of a client or colleague who is trying to pass some very important information? Lawyers more than most, need good listening skills, but I have often found lawyers are the WORST listeners (myself included). I, like some of the other commentators above, have had to work really hard at not interrupting people I am conversing with. One of my mental techniques is to remind myself not just how rude it is to interrupt, but that the person I am speaking with is just as important and their input has at least the same value as mine, if not more. It is a mental game I play on myself to force the "Discipline of Active Listening" on myself. I think that type A personalities especially have to reign in their assumption that they are the smartest and most intelligent person in the room! I think Type A personalities are at a disadvantage (at good listening) to begin with because of their confidence (arrogance?) when conversing with others, especially subordinates. I also wonder if such "listeners" also fail to pick up facial communication, body language, etc, which is all part of the active listening and communication process or exchange. Many people communicate more with non-verbal clues, than what they actually say. If you are not intently and actively listening (which includes watching for the non-verbal communication), you are missing much of the relevant "actionable" information that you need to have for successful communication! Was your audience (even one person is an audience) receptive to your main idea? All of this is especially relevant to sales persons communicating with a prospect. What about a subordinate trying to influence a superior's decision making matrix. My guess is that it is probably more important that a subordinate have great communication skills in order to influence a superior, than a Senior to subordinate communication.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Thank you for the feedback sir. I know public affairs specialists are some of the worst communicators out there as well which is pretty ironic lol.
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My wife always says I don't listen to her. Or something along those lines I think, whatever she said
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I've got 20 years in customer service and call centers and you make quite a few good points SSG Woods. I actually teach a class called "Active Listening" to customer service representatives. Most people think that they are natural born listeners but in reality most people only hear what they want to hear. (This especially goes for customers)
Effective communications is basically two parts. Listening, not only hearing, but actually listening to both words and inflections. And then there is effective replying. One trick is to summarize what you've just heard and repeating it back to the person, and then speaking effectively, addressing the person's concerns or ideas in a way that leaves little doubt that you understand what they said and what you want to communicate back to them.
Your point #6 is a personal favorite of mine. Never finish another person's thought. Not only is it rude but shows that you're not really listening to them. What you are doing is instead of giving them 100% of your attention is you're formulating your reply before they are even done speaking. It is while you are busy thinking of your reply that you'll miss their real intent.
Effective communications is basically two parts. Listening, not only hearing, but actually listening to both words and inflections. And then there is effective replying. One trick is to summarize what you've just heard and repeating it back to the person, and then speaking effectively, addressing the person's concerns or ideas in a way that leaves little doubt that you understand what they said and what you want to communicate back to them.
Your point #6 is a personal favorite of mine. Never finish another person's thought. Not only is it rude but shows that you're not really listening to them. What you are doing is instead of giving them 100% of your attention is you're formulating your reply before they are even done speaking. It is while you are busy thinking of your reply that you'll miss their real intent.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Yes exactly! I have to train myself everyday to try and recognize when I do that and stop it. Good listeners are rare but treasured, that's for sure :)
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Suspended Profile
Love this!
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Is "Are you tracking what I'm saying" the new way of saying "I'm talking to you boy!"?
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CPO Jon Campbell
I knew a cop who was training a guy that constantly interrupted by singing the Rice a Roni song. He wrecked a patrol a few mintues after interrupting a question his training officer asked him about pursuit policy. He was fired, but his legacy lived on. After that whenever some cop interupted another one, the person being interupted would start singing the Rice a Roni song.
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"The Army tends to over-train on the simplest tasks. I believe the reason some of this training doesn't sink in is because of the average human's attention span." This is very true and this is a topic of discussion in itself. How do we train future leaders, the leaders that will need to be able to think on their own, if we only push routine training down? By doing this, we are decreasing the strategic thinking abilities of the Army and hindering our future leaders.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
Exactly. First step in the right direction is getting leaders to recognize ineffective training and adjust fire. Robotic and insipid training will only produce robotic soldiers. Muscle memory-type training is important however I think by engaging soldiers' critical thinking skills, we will be able to plant the seed for strategic thinking.
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SSG Jason Cherry
Robotic instant reaction is good for combat, and not much else. I am totally on board with SSG V. Michelle Woods. What improvements can we make if we only do as we are instructed? Inspire and encourage critical and outside the box thinking.
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SGT John Galbraith
Well, how much of what we do or have done is changed. Especially with the amount of data we are getting back from operations conducted in the last 10 years. When I was in no much changed for a while and we were doing repetitive stuff no stop but after 9/11 the Army started changing. This caused us to retrain over and over and it seemed every time, it was slightly different. When you look at if from a broader perspective the way I set my gear up in 1996 was WAY different than in 2011. Now, yes.. there are troops that are like training rocks. I get that and perhaps overexposure to the subject matter will be the effective approach to getting the troops to take in that amount of information.
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I have a hard time not mentally interrupting. I may not physically interrupt the other person's speaking, but I hear them talking and catch hold of something they say and mentally start forming my answer. This usually causes me to fade out the rest of what they have to say. The fog of my answer tends to create misunderstandings.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
I am the same way and it's a big 'ol struggle to train myself to not mentally interrupt others.
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CW5 Sam R. Baker
I have the habit of interruption and work consciously to try and not do so, it is a hard road, one where the buzz phrase, MISSION COMMAND says listen to all points of view regardless of rank. When I was a private, I know the best ideas came from the bottom up!
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