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We have all been there - the anger, the hate, sorrow and depression, the frustration towards others who do not understand us, but is that fair? Who are we making responsible for our condition? Have we been left to deal with this condition ourselves, as many say? I think so, but I also think that it is often too easy to use this condition as an identifier as to what we are, not who we are.
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
I have been rated at 70% for PTSD as a combat vet. The following is how I see the way forward for me and I hope it will help some of you. Some of you may hate me for saying some of it, and I understand where you are coming from because I have been there too.
After a few suicide attempts (which were actually attention getting acts), I quickly realized that I am only hurting my possible future and myself if I keep wallowing in self-sorrow and hurt. I stopped looking at the photos of the past and identifying myself as a combat vet instead of Steven. I stopped hanging out only with vets who “understand me” because that was blocking my forward motion. I stopped walking around with a chip on my shoulder. But most importantly of all, I stopped blaming other people, the Army, and anything else for what I am because I knew I needed to work on who I am in order to get ahead, and that became my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I could explode and sometimes do. I have days where getting out of bed to go to work is so painful and so pointless that I could easily just roll over and say, “screw it” but I don’t. I know that, if I did, it would be just the beginning of a long downhill spiral effect that would drive me back to where I came from. It would make it next to impossible to be productive for my family and my job, but most of all it would ruin my life. So in the end I have the choice.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am only speaking my opinion but my advice to anyone fighting PTSD is the following: Never feel sorry for yourself. Anger towards others is a waste of time and energy. Looking back at what was, speaking about it every day, wearing the combat vet t-shirts - the constant reminder of “how good it was” - may make you feel better, but it makes your life a constant struggle.
Yes, civilians will never understand, but can you change that? No, so move on. You feel you got screwed over in the Army for this and that, but can you change it? No, so move on. The VA is not accepting your rating, not paying you, not believing you or whatever else, can you change it? Yes you can, but not with hate, anger, screaming or yelling.
Our society believes we are a danger. Some of us like that title – heck, some of us need that title because the military was all we may have ever had as far as an identity. We were special and now we are civilians and no one understands us, they just don’t know. That’s just it though, they don’t know, so either educate them in a meaningful manner or don’t hold it against them and move on. We won’t change anything by being angry and hurting ourselves, so let’s go and get our lives back!
As I was writing this article I actually got a call from my CEO stating that my obvious PTSD is a problem and they need to let me go. It goes without saying this shocked me, but did not surprise me. I am, therefore, positive this is simply a door that needed to close and I am looking with excitement into the future.
We dictate our own realities - no one else can or will really help us, only we can. So make the conscious decision and stand up, be that soldier, warrior and fighter you are and go for the gold. Don’t take no for an answer, accept nothing less from yourself than you expect from others. We can and will be successful, we will prevail, and not because of the stigma but despite the stigma!
Make your plan for life and follow it, set targets, goals, and benchmarks. It is time to stand up and take your life back. Don’t know where to start? Start within yourself and get the anger out. You’re not alone but remember, just complaining to another vet who tells his stories back to you is not going to help you no matter what all these “help sessions” may proclaim. If you feel it helps, then take a deep look at what exactly is being helped. It is probably the short-term frustration - you get to shout and get it out but that solves nothing. It is like getting revenge - it may make you feel better for a short time, but we all know it is wrong and you usually feel remorse afterwards.
So now how do you move forward? You want to yell at me? Write it down. You want to insult me? Go for it. Just know that I am here for you no matter what. If you truly wish to learn more about how to live with PTSD and function in society, I may be able to help. Your hate will only destroy you, not me or anyone else, so please refrain from the emotional explosions that I know all too well. I am writing this as an offer of help, in whatever way it may help, that’s it.
What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced while dealing with PTSD?
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 76
Although I Love your outlook on ptsd, I believe that you should be sing your former CEO for letting you go because of your ptsd. That is against the law. Now after voicing my opinion on your former CEO's decision. I am very proud to say that I also have a positive outlook. I to was rated 70% for ptsd by the va. Thank you food you're inspiring words battle.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SPC James Rafferty - thank you for your words, I actually see his decision as a weakness on his part and an opportunity for me, I feel free for the first time in a long time and am ready for the next chapter! All the Best,
Steven
Steven
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MSG William Wold
Remember, General Custer got sued (Sioux).. Not sure why this is a common adage, if you don't like something, sue them.. Sometimes the unfairness gives you more ambition and opportunity you didn't see as you thought you were comfortable in your position; you can win a lawsuit pertaining to a specific situation and loose a lot more than you ever gained.
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I know I'm late to this article, but honestly I think this is sheer genius. I wish you were in the Seattle area so that I could invite you to the premiere of my short film Alive which shows a soldier going through the process you so vividly described. I was wondering if I could use this article on my website or facebook page? (Giving you full credit of course.) Please let me know.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SPC Michael King - you have a deal BUT under one condition; I get the link to watch your short film! Thank you for the compliment and the Best of Luck with your Film, I cant wait to see it.
All the Best,
Steven
All the Best,
Steven
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What a great posting, advice, and offering of help. I too an willing to let anyone talk, voice, and or share their pain.
PTSD is not a military exclusive topic. I am a veteran, though was diagnosed with PTSD since age 13.
Everyone here have stories and experiences. Do not hide from them.
Thank you Gary
PTSD is not a military exclusive topic. I am a veteran, though was diagnosed with PTSD since age 13.
Everyone here have stories and experiences. Do not hide from them.
Thank you Gary
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I have a question, why is it that so many vets that served in OIF/OEF or even Desert Storm have PTSD, when the vets from the Vietnam war have so few cases? Is it because of values we hold close and belief in what we are fighting for? Remember, that Vietnam war vets have spent may years being tortured before coming back to America.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
My personal opinion is becasue firstly it was not a popular war, the Gov. tried to forget about it, as did much of the public. This made is very tough for a veteran to seek help and back then the stigma with seeking help was 50 fold what it is today. I am basing my theory on family members actions/reactions.
Then later years they are the heroes to the currently serving and feel embarrassed to then seek help again as the recognition they now receive is a bit embarrassing.
Just my thoughts and observations.
Then later years they are the heroes to the currently serving and feel embarrassed to then seek help again as the recognition they now receive is a bit embarrassing.
Just my thoughts and observations.
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BOTH and hazards with identifying and treating it; I personally am still working at moving forward...it is a tough uphill battle.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
Wish you much strength in your forward movement and use this forum for support, it is pretty amazing.
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SGT (Join to see)
Tim, I have it and am here for you. I'm 70 now but wouldn't have got that old without help.
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PTSD is a name given to a mental disorder related to some type of military trauma, "shell shock" is replaced with PTSD only a name for a mental condition.
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I think the term PTSD is an interesting word. Is it accurate? "Post traumatic stress disorder'' How can something that we are told happens with everyone that has a traumatic experience be called a disorder? I can certainly see how it can be said that someone has undergone traumatic stress or even post traumatic stress, but to call it a disorder is a bit bizarre.
Some do not handle the stress very well, but I feel that some segments of our society feel a need to 'victimize' soldiers. Unfortunately I believe some soldiers for various personal reasons or quirks buy into this victimization. Has combat changed my friends and me? Sure it has, just like every other significant experience in my life. Has it turned people I know into Hollywood 'John Rambo' caricatures . . . no. It is a trope that people who despise military service have put forward because (unlike the 1960s) it is unfashionable to be hostile to us.
Like Lisa W. says, "Civilians can face it . . ." First responders see death all the time, but they are not coddled and given knowing nods that say, "its ok that guy is a jerk . . . he's got PTSD from Iraq." Every soldier that I have run into that is a jerk following combat was a jerk before he was in combat. Every soldier that I have run into that is a trouble maker after combat, was either a trouble maker before combat or they were borderline cases.
Does PTS cause hyper-vigilance and amplify the startle reflex? Sure. Can you live with that? Easily. Does PTS cause depression and sometimes suicide? Sure it does. Should soldiers make sure their friends talk to someone for it? I hope they do, I know I do. Hospital records record very high rates of suicide in veterans following the Civil War. If you are depressed its ok to see someone for it . . . you should see someone for it. Does it make people shoot up their neighborhood or kill their families? No it doesn't, don't let others scare your relatives and neighbors with that line of B.S. Many people do that sort of thing across the U.S. and they never served. It is grotesque that when those crimes are committed by a veteran how quickly that is touted out with raised eyebrows and knowing glances.
Don't buy into the victimization that some people are selling. And do not tolerate your peers and subordinates using that to excuse their irresponsible behavior. They used to spit on people like us, now they are patting us on the head and saying "there there, its ok, the military made you crazy." Divorce, death of a family member, and loss of a job can cause depression and are good reasons for seeing a professional. Combat experience should not be any different, depression is not abnormal and is very treatable, see someone.
Don't let anyone make you a victim. How can we be victims when we are volunteers?
Some do not handle the stress very well, but I feel that some segments of our society feel a need to 'victimize' soldiers. Unfortunately I believe some soldiers for various personal reasons or quirks buy into this victimization. Has combat changed my friends and me? Sure it has, just like every other significant experience in my life. Has it turned people I know into Hollywood 'John Rambo' caricatures . . . no. It is a trope that people who despise military service have put forward because (unlike the 1960s) it is unfashionable to be hostile to us.
Like Lisa W. says, "Civilians can face it . . ." First responders see death all the time, but they are not coddled and given knowing nods that say, "its ok that guy is a jerk . . . he's got PTSD from Iraq." Every soldier that I have run into that is a jerk following combat was a jerk before he was in combat. Every soldier that I have run into that is a trouble maker after combat, was either a trouble maker before combat or they were borderline cases.
Does PTS cause hyper-vigilance and amplify the startle reflex? Sure. Can you live with that? Easily. Does PTS cause depression and sometimes suicide? Sure it does. Should soldiers make sure their friends talk to someone for it? I hope they do, I know I do. Hospital records record very high rates of suicide in veterans following the Civil War. If you are depressed its ok to see someone for it . . . you should see someone for it. Does it make people shoot up their neighborhood or kill their families? No it doesn't, don't let others scare your relatives and neighbors with that line of B.S. Many people do that sort of thing across the U.S. and they never served. It is grotesque that when those crimes are committed by a veteran how quickly that is touted out with raised eyebrows and knowing glances.
Don't buy into the victimization that some people are selling. And do not tolerate your peers and subordinates using that to excuse their irresponsible behavior. They used to spit on people like us, now they are patting us on the head and saying "there there, its ok, the military made you crazy." Divorce, death of a family member, and loss of a job can cause depression and are good reasons for seeing a professional. Combat experience should not be any different, depression is not abnormal and is very treatable, see someone.
Don't let anyone make you a victim. How can we be victims when we are volunteers?
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
CPT (Join to see) - well put, a bit harsh for some I am sure but I totally agree with the premise of your post, especially "Don't buy into the victimization that some people are selling" it is a downward spiral.
Thank you for your comment!
Steady on
Thank you for your comment!
Steady on
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
Indeed you did, I saw that but others may stop in the middle and be upset, as I am sure you have experienced. Well written I must admit, sometimes I really want to yell at a brother or even slap him for playing victim and lying down...upsets me to no end because NO ONE can help you better than yourself.
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MSG William Wold
I see, at least in my wife's line of work, Trauma nurse at a local hospital, (She retires this week after back surgery from lifting heavy patients, to Pacemaker from stress, yeah!) they are going away from calling it a "Disorder", to a "Syndrome" PTSS. Just doesn't have the same ring to it... Anyone, anywhere can have a traumatic experience, it's just more likely in a combat situation, but not uncommon in every day life either.. Everyone is different, some can handle it, some can't. Like medicines. One type has warnings it can cause dry mouth or runny nose, diarrhea, or constipation. Totally opposite things for the same meds. Same as traumatic experiences effecting different people. Is it right or wrong? No. It is what it is, and needs to be treated in an individual basis..
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Great post. I do had these problems and was in denial for a long time, The VA was no help. After years of drinking myself into submission almost every night and a few violent episodes, lost jobs and lost relationships. I met my current wife and agreed to seek help at her insistence( even though in my mind i did not have an issue). I started seeing a specialist at my own expense BC the VA had too long of a wait time. My wife and kids became my focus that helped pull me out of the downward spiral.
So I agree with you and well said.
So I agree with you and well said.
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SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA
SGT Curtis Jackson - EXCELLENT! Wonderful to hear, all the best ad I wish you continued peace!
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SGT Curtis Jackson
Thanks. Steven. Like you said it helps to step away from it. after i was discharged i took a contractor job and went back to Afghanistan for two years and i felt at home, felt perfectly fine as long as i was there in the zone, but when i returned home i realized that it just made it worse.
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SGT (Join to see)
I try to not have any triggers by not reading war books,watching war movies, put myself In A situation that I I know is wrong for me, and I only talk about my experiences in Nam with my doctor at the VA. I'm trying like hell to live the rest of my life as normal as it can be and I know that is up to me to do. Nobody else can do it for me. Congrats on your new life. I know you are happier.
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